Martians 2014 Thread 14: on intra-uterine discos and knocking stuff over with your bump.

[SuperMuddle]

Come join us on our shiny new thread!

[JustCallMeBaldrick]

Hi midnight
Welcome to the madhouse thread
Cookie, I second what lyra just said. People tend to post about their bad experiences, rather than to say what worked for them.
I was going to say something profound about what someone else said upthread, but since I started this post I've forgotten what it was... I may have to come back to it...

[IceNoSlice]

Evening.

Welcome midnight.

Interesting posts Hottie and Saggy - thanks for sharing your mum/your experiences!

lib congrats! I think you will need to develop your delegation skills as quickly as possible and try not to overdo it all (easier said than done) but you will get it done by January - because you'll have to! At least the presentation gives a deadline.

Cookie I think BWP makes a very valid point about some people becoming so obsessed with the routine they miss out. You are thinking of the routine led approach in terms of not letting the baby dictate your life, not being tied to a non-putdownable baby etc. But routines can restrict you just as much in a different way. One if my friends (her DD is the same age as DS) followed GF pretty religiously. She couldn't meet us at certain times, found that the time of baby groups didn't work for her and her DD had to sleep in the cot. I know GF allows a little flexibility but it is still a very rigid system.

For me, I got into my own routine with DS that included walking with the pushchair for about 1.5-2hrs a day. The time i'd go varied depending on weather, groups etc. DS slept well in the pushchair, I felt I benefitted enormously from being outside, fresh air and change of scene. And (this wasn't why I did it but a massive bonus) I lost loads of weight. My point is that a bit of flexibility is good as you can do more stuff, plus allowing yourself and baby time to find your own routine that works for you.

[CookieMonster1971]

...I can't imagine routines being easy for mums with several kids already but, as a first-time mum, I'm determined to try my best.

[JustCallMeBaldrick]

And, the problem I found when I tried a routine with any of my 3, was that if for any reason we got out of the routine, I ended up with a cross/tired/hungry baby, and it got me hugely stressed.
The little 'routine' we had was based on events, not times, if that makes sense, so when we started a bedtime routine, it was feed, bath, story, bed, but not at a fixed starting time. As long as most of those elements were there, everyone was happy!

[CookieMonster1971]

Ice, I know I would much refer a baby who restricted my social life outside the home than one that won't be put down, won't sleep anywhere but my body and is hanging off my tit in order to get to sleep.

[Rockchick1984]

Best tip I can offer is the more you can get them to sleep during the day, the more sleep you get at night! Seems backwards, but overtiredness is lethal in a baby!

[JustCallMeBaldrick]

Cookie, there's absolutely no harm in trying out lots of things, and working out what works for you
This one will have to fit around school and preschool runs, so any vague routines will be based on that as I have no choice. I look back to when the boys were babies and how I just coasted flew by the seat of my pants through the days!

[CookieMonster1971]

I know you are all thinking 'she has no idea what she's talking about; she's never had kids' but I know I need to be vigilant about my mental health when this baby arrives and routine is the way forward for me.

[JustCallMeBaldrick]

God yes, overtired babies are awful

[JustCallMeBaldrick]

Cookie the main thing is finding what works for you, and bugger what anyone else says.
If all babies and mums were the same, there would be one tried and tested system of baby rearing, but there isn't.
I'm crap at routines for me, let alone the kids!!

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Cookie I think you need to cut youself some slack. The more you over think things the more stressed you'll get in the long run. Have a plan, but also go with the flow, you might not even need it. As a PP said, every child is different.
Yes, a first baby is stepping into the unknown, but the more rigid you are, the harder you'll find it if things don't go to plan. Its all just thinking and speculation right now. How you feel and how you deal might change completely when your baby is here.

[BadlyWrittenPoem]

Welcome midnight, this is my third and I still feel unprepared!

Cookie, it's totally fine to go for a routine if that is what you believe will work best for you and whether or not it works for anyone else doesn't really matter. Every choice has different good and bad points so it really depends on what is most important to you and what fits best with your life. For some people having the routine and predictability is important for their mental health whereas for others having social interaction outside of the house is more important to them. I don't think I'll need routine so much this time compared with my first where I really did but I still will have one because it makes my life easier and I prefer it. I'll also breastfeed, do expressed bottles from early on, co-sleep, do elimination communication and use both dummies/slings when I see fit so I'm neither a standard routine or attachment parent - I just pick out the bits which I think work best for us. I don't think those things are necessarily "better" than the alternatives per se but they are better for my family.

[BadlyWrittenPoem]

And I'm not thinking that you don't know what you are talking about because you don't have children - you are clearly making an effort to find out as much as you can beforehand and you know your own personality and your strengths and needs.

[FoxMulder]

Morning all! It's Friday!! Yay! And a long weekend on the horizon for me! Double yay! I'm flippin' knackered. Payday too. But that also means I have to pay all my bills too. Boo.

My mum remembers her labours and the breathing exercises she learnt in ante-natal classes! They were told to have a song to sing that they could really focus on when they were having contractions. The one she had for me was 'the sun has got his hat on' . But I took ages to come out so she had an epidural in the end. I still don't like getting out of bed...

I have zero experience of babies and have put zero thought into our parenting technique! I just know that if possible I would like it to turn out slightly different to my sister who never seemed to be able to go out because it was always nap time, yet couldn't ever put the baby down either. She always seemed to miss Christmas dinner etc. because she was holding the baby. I guess it's all just part of having a baby.

My annoying symptom of the week is my incessant burping. It's driving me crazy. My oesophagus can't take it anymore. Neither can my husband.

[CookieMonster1971]

Thanks, BWP and others. What, please, does 'elimination communication' mean?

I am 100% in favour of dummies (or anything else that shuts a baby up instead of a tit).

[FoxMulder]

Early potty training. Sort of.

I'm reading a book called 'How Eskimos keep their babies warm' that is about parenting in other cultures, and it's got a chapter on how Chinese kids are potty trained early and it mentions this.

[FoxMulder]

Why are you up so early Cookie?

[Magpieblue]

Ooh new thread. I'll make more of an effort to post too. Please don't all migrate to Facebook (I'm not on FB). Though every time I think of posting, I've just got whingeing to do. I haven't given any thought to parenting techniques, I kind of thought I'd make it up as I went along. Now I'm wondering if I should be reading books. Interesting hearing all the different thoughts though. Surely something in between strict routine and carrying your baby around all day is the best? (Can you have "half" a routine?)

I'm still not really "feeling" this preg. I have had no symptoms, feel exactly as I did before and can't feel any movement other than one or two tiny flutters every other day or so. If I hadn't seen it on the scan, or got a bit of a (v small) bump, I'd be convinced this wasn't happening

[IceNoSlice]

Hi Cookie I don't think that you are clueless at all - every baby is different so we are all shooting in the dark to a degree! You've obviously put a lot of thought into what will suit your personality and your MH is vitally important.

In fact I saw a very sad story in the press this week about a lady in Nottingham with PND - I won't go into detail as it's distressing, I'm sure people could google if they wanted - but it reiterated to me that MH and the risk of PND should never be dismissed or not taken seriously.

I'm sorry if you ever feel us Martians on the 2nd/3rd etc are belittling your views as we've 'been there, done that' - it's not meant to come across like that, promise. Just trying to reassure that you will find the way that works for you. And from my experience (which seems similar to others) every baby, mother and routine is different and there is no one right way.

[IceNoSlice]

Magpie absolutely yes you can half half a routine. Pick and choose the bits that work for you.

In other news, the bacon butties (paid for by the boss) have just arrived - yay! Love Fridays.

[CookieMonster1971]

Foxy, I have no idea why I am up at this ungodly hour. I smell a three-hour nap at around 2pm. Are you chronically bored again? Or only marginally unstimulated?

May I ask a question? When you have a child do you automatically begin to live in one of those houses that make me shudder? The ones where you walk into the hallway and are met with wall-to-wall toys? Then you step into the living room and there's a whole area cordoned off for the toddler to play with their mountain of plastic shit? The kitchen is unusable thanks to toy paraphernalia everywhere? I hate walking into these kinds of houses. They make me feel I am a nuisance as an adult taking up space which could otherwise be used for their child and his plethora of toys. I don't want to live in a Toys R Us

[dizhin79]

Oh cookie u would love my friends House, the wife is a cleaning freak, the hubby is a tidy freak. There little 4 yr old has been brought up really tidy and clean, to the point that he goes to his grannies house, which is a pigsty, and gets the broom out!! I don't think it's inevitable your House has to be overrun by kiddie paraphanalia. We're on the hunt for a chest to act as a toy and general crap storage/coffee table for our lounge. I hate clutter so I'm aiming for general tidyness but with occasional explosions!!

[FoxMulder]

I'm alright so far today on the boredom stakes. I'm quite excited about it being Friday. Also, I have £5.5K in cash in front of me (not mine, obviously. Still quite exciting to look at though. It makes me feel powerful. Yeah, bitches.) Also, I'm going down to our other office soon which is a shit hole but with good company.

[Magpieblue]

I'm only having tasteful wooden toys, only occasionally decorated with muted organic paints derived from seaweed and foraged berries, made by Scandinavian artisans working in an artists' co-operative.

[dizhin79]

magpie is that 2 go along with ur silk and merino wool nappies, beautiful daaahling!!

on another note, my bladder is a good substitute for a trampoline today little bugger is either learning gymnastics or three bongos one or t'other!