Graduated elderberries - 30+ and looking forward to DC1! (Thread 6)

[HazleNutt]

Oh, looks like I wrote the last post! So new thread here where we will see more berry babies and hopefully loads more graduates as well.

Eek last bit sounds tough! lol I really hope things start happening soon

Things are going well at work but have the strong feeling they are looking to save money on my mat leave by not hiring someone full time and working on contracts (it means the current team would have to work harder) and if that works, I think my role would be made redundant. I'm just frustrated as am working hard, getting along with my boss etc but feel like it's all for nothing as what do I get out of it at the end of my stat mat leave - no job! Especially if there is no room for me to come back to part time work (which I'd like) because they've replaced my role with other freelancers and a more cost effective plan! Meanwhile they are talking about me doing a big launch when I'm in my third trimester and it's hard to be passionate when you feel that you may be screwed over purely for financial reasons - plus I'll need to be careful with stress/time on feet!

Sorry to rant!

I feel your pain Alex, my boss wants to get in one of our freelancers 3 days a week to cover my job. I am an account manager and she is a designer/artworker so our job roles arent exactly close. I feel like I've spent 3 years working my arse off getting payrises etc only for him to disregard my role while I'm off.
I worry that he will only have room for me to come back part time, or not at all. I would like to be able to come back part time but I want to at least have the option of full time if we need it.
Makes me a bit twitchy! Especially as he took me downstairs for a bollocking yesterday, he had 2 issues, 1 being that a colleague had made an error while I was away which he blamed on me, the other was an invoicing issue which I had sorted out before I left. Supposidly the invoicing problem made him feel vulnerable and made him question my other work...charming.
He also said I had been distracted and he didn't feel like my number one priority....he's like a child!!

Have to say I'm not looking forward to the last few weeks of pregnancy but I think it's that uncomfortable to stop you worrying so much about the birth, you just want your body back by that stage I guess.

It's difficult isn't it mother - it's the unknown! I'm trying to think of plan B work options in case, part time would be ideal for me but I know how hard other people have found it to get part time work that ties in well with a baby/toddler. And it's just not very motivating - I'm thinking well why would I work really hard from now and stress up until my mat leave if I may not be able to go back! To be fair they have been talking about when I return and keeping in touch days already, but it's a small business and if they can save money by replacing my role with a cheaper option, they will I'm sure. I'm a planner and it's the inability to plan and know how this will pan out that's bothering me I think!

Elodie has gained 1lb 7oz on her birth weight at 19 days. I am going to have an obese baby! And she has been diagnosed with a sub-mucosal/posterior tongue tie so goodness knows what she would weigh if she didn't have one.

That's brilliant cavort - well done Elodie you must be knackered though

Alex - just remember a) they legally have to keep your job open for you and b) you don't have to do any keeping in touch days at all. They can ask but you have every right to say no.

I'm very envious of your happily scoffing babies, mine is still broken. Spent an hour and a half with the breast feeding lady at the hospital yesterday and by some miracle we managed to get her to do one small feed.

Unfortunately despite every effort and attempt I've not managed to get her to do it since. Spent most of last night with her crying, me crying and both of us getting covered in milk as she screamed her head off and refused to go anywhere near my breasts I feel like an utter failure.

That's just it, mine isn't a happily scoffing baby, she's feeding every 1.5-2.0 hours day and night, very windy/colicky/irritable, leaking milk all over the place when she feeds, posseting... I could go on with a massive list which are hopefully mostly all symptoms of the tongue tie and resulting in me currently feeling like death.

Despite being the most natural things in the world, BF is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I can really see why women throw in the towel.

Purple you are absolutely not a failure, it is fucking difficult. You have done amazingly well to feed Lucy for this long by expressing alone. You have absolutely done the right thing seeking help but if it doesn't work out you can be proud that you did your best in a situation where many of us would have given up long ago. FX you can get Lucy on the boob but if you can't it's not the end of the world. formula isn't poison and you have no reason to beat yourself up about it.

purple pls don't beat yourself up as I've heard so many people struggle to get their baby to BF and it's nothing they or you are doing wrong! Hope you have more success but if not, as cavort says there are other perfectly fine options!

Thanks janey but I want to go back part time ideally so would love that to be the option. I think they can make my role redundant, and if I've outgrown the agency and they want to operate more cost effectively with freelancers, I wouldn't want to go back anyway! We'll see though, am trying not to plan ahead too much as it's impossible!

Absolutely agree with you cavort. I was adamant that I would try my absolute bloody hardest to breastfeed. But I was also adamant that if it didn't work I'd switch to formula without guilt. My lovely cousin didn't enjoy the first few months of her DD's life as she also refused to take the breast; she expressed with a manual pump, and fed her that way. It knackered her out (she was always either expressing, sterilising, or feeding using a bottle) she was thoroughly miserable and now wishes she'd just swapped sooner and enjoyed everything more. If it's fucking tough stop: you've done the most important part (colostrum) and from this point on a happy mum is more important than breast milk vs formula. You are not a failure at all, the fact you've tried for so long proves what a brilliant mum you are.
Hugs.

Just got an email from one of my bosses saying she was really pleased about some stuff I've secured this afternoon, well done etc - yeah you say that now but bet you stab me in the back when I want to come back!

Oh and purple my MIL couldn't BF my DH, he just wouldn't do it, so she stopped and he's turned out perfectly well (brilliant in fact but I'm biased!) And he didn't even know he wasn't BF until I told him the other day so makes no odds to the person later on Good work for sticking at it and giving it a good shot!

I was breastfeed for two days, and I'm five foot eleven - hasn't harmed me!

purple you are absolutely not a failure and have done way more than most people would. And as others said, there are options - BF does not make you any better mother and they don't give medals for crying and being miserable.

Thanks everyone, I've got no plans to give up expressing at the moment, I just feel like a failure because I can't feed her 'properly'. No doubt I'm just being daft, can I still blame the hormones after three and a half weeks?

It's h

So the Royal baby is called George Alexander. They certainly got the middle name right

On a different topic - I got some baby clothes from a friend in 1-3 month size. Nice clothes, but they are all proper clothes - trousers, t-shirts, turtleneck sweaters, several pairs of jeans etc. They all seem so stiff and uncomfortable, fiddly to change. I've been taking DS everywhere in just a vest - is that weird? He is comfortable and just a baby, so nobody should object that he's out in his underwear. Do your babies wear proper clothes?

Wish I'd placed a bet, I predicted she'd have a boy called George when she first announced she was pregnant. I must be psychic!

As for clothes, mines lucky if I even bother with a vest, she's been out in public in just a nappy quite a few times when it has been really hot and I don't give a damn what people think. Don't really see the point of proper clothes on a tiny baby, they look so much more comfortable in just a vest or a babygrow.

Speaking of clothes, what are all the new mums wearing? I can't fit in my old clothes if I want to breathe and my maternity wear is too big. I've been wearing the same pair of black maternity trousers for months and months and I'm STILL wearing them with the elastic well pulled in as I have literally nothing else to wear, I'm totally sick of them!

I was quite surprised by Kate middleton's bump on tv, I suppose I've never noticed with friends but there is still quite a bump afterwards isn't there. I was thinking I'd go back to the dresses I'm wearing now at 22 weeks which are my usual dresses that have a loose or stretchy waist.

Purple I plan to blame hormones until she's 21 at least.

We have been given loads of actual clothes and she has worn precisely none of them so far. She just wears a nappy and vest every day with the occasional pair of leggings in the evening. It's too damn hot and I can't be bothered with the faff of getting her dressed when nobody cares what a baby wears.

As for me, I am back in my stretchier normal clothes and under bump maternity clothes. I optimistically tried some normal jeans yesterday which I can just about fasten but have a big muffin top so I doubt I'll be getting into them for a while yet.

I was pleased yesterday to see Kate's still big belly showing everyone what a woman actually looks like the day after giving birth. There are too many media imiges of new mums with unrealistic flat stomachs.

I also loved her click-in car seat, how easy was that, 7 seconds they said on the news! I need to sort what we're doing with car seats and the pram. Our car isn't practical for babies (other parents shake their head and laugh) it's a slightly flashy convertible with doors only at the front. Hope we can make it work for babies as I do like it and don't want to swap it for something more practical like people predict we will! I need to find a nice pram that will also fit in the boot, with a cost effective car seat into pram option!

I think kate has one of those isofix things for the car seat! We've been given one by friends and it really is amazing!!! Worth checking on eBay to see if you find a bargain!
I've also been given so many dresses its unreal!! Not convinced I will use half of it either! Lets see.

Currently sitting on a birth ball to soften my cervix. I am so impatient it's unreal!!! It's not even my due date yet!!!

FX for imminent labour Lol

A massive YY to an isofix base. It's just so easy with one.

Alex I have swapped cars with DH so he can milk the free fuel in my company car, so I am currently transporting baby in an impractical low sports coupe and it's been absolutely fine so far. I think it might get harder to get her in and out of the back seat when she gets a bit heavier but I haven't had any problems so far. Get a few funny looks when parking in the parent and child spaces though.

Also stuck in limbo between maternity and normal clothes. Am a fatty oink oink.

Alex I think i was telling you that even skinny skinny people on the maternity ward had massive bump still the day after giving birth! It's weird but I guess it makes sense that your uterus takes time to shrink back down. I'm glad she didn't hide it - as you say the media is full of people with washboard stomachs after a baby and the reality is nothing like that so soon after birth.

Miles is living in just nappies, although occasionally we splash out and put him in a vest. You've got to live a little!

I've got really bad stomach cramps, like period pain, do you think that's normal for 22 weeks? Wish I'd booked in for another cervix check now!

I've had stomach cramps but thats because I got 'tunisia tummy' on holiday nothing to do with bubs. Might be worth a call to the docs? I'm sure all is fine but best to put your mind at rest.