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Graduated elderberries - 30+ and looking forward to DC1! (Thread 6)

999 replies

HazleNutt · 20/07/2013 16:52

Oh, looks like I wrote the last post! So new thread here where we will see more berry babies and hopefully loads more graduates as well.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CatsCantFlyFast · 01/08/2013 11:05

Barging in for a moan. Am petrified of being/feeling sick and have now had permanent nausea for 3 days. Urgh. Am simply wallowing around moaning at DH! Questions. Did your morning sickness get gradually worse ? When did it disappear?

Cavort · 01/08/2013 11:14

Merk mine didn't get any worse once it started. Started about 6.5 weeks and hung around until 16 weeks (sorry!), but it did get better from about 12 weeks.

I think everyone's different and you jut have to experiment a bit to find something which works for you, but for me personally it was ice cold drinks, the colder the better.

You have my sympathies, it really is awful but you will look back on this and laugh. Smile

janey1234 · 01/08/2013 11:17

Breast feeding is doing my head in. Was so easy (if sore to begin with) at first but since I was ill it has weirdly been painful and difficult. I have one really saw nipple - that's a bit red raw and peeling. Lovely.

Alexandra6 · 01/08/2013 11:38

merk mine didn't get worse - gradually better from around 12 weeks, been feeling brilliant from 17 weeks with no more nausea or food aversions, just a bit tired/spaced out sometimes.

Yay to tongue tie cancellations cavort ! Really hope it helps.

I am deciding what day to start mat leave today - what would you all recommend? I can work from home quite a bit, but hard to know whether they'll let me go full time from home towards the end. I heard a theory that if you take it a bit earlier and don't cut it too fine, then you a) get to enjoy a few weeks of lazing around and getting final bits ready (I don't get bored lazing around at all - although to be fair have always worked so don't really know!) and b) you're more relaxed going into the labour process, if you do get stressed about work, which some people say is better for labour.

I'm thinking maybe starting it between my 36 and 37 week marks, and then using a remaining week of annual leave to grasp on to a bit of full pay at the end?

MotherOfCleo · 01/08/2013 11:49

merk I was one of the lucky few who has had a pretty much symptom free time (touches wood frantically), I did suffer with nausea around weeks 8 - 10 though, I found that I felt worst when I was hungry so ate little and often to try and keep it at bay.

I survived on lots of apples, melons and strawberries, but had days when I could only really eat crisps and beige food. My big no no was rich food, I had a pasta bake one day with a rich cheese sauce and paid for that by bringing it back up an hour or so later, I suggest bland is the way forward. I'm afraid it's a bit trial and error to find what works for you though.

It might be worth trying some mint tea with honey or (if you can stomach it) some ginger tea as those really help to settle your stomach. I love mint tea with honey. Ginger biscuits are meant to be good too.

Hope you start to feel better, just remember it won't last forever, even if it feels like it is.

Thanks for the reassurance re the cut/tear scenario. Makes me feel much better. My evil ex friend yep rearing her head again spent so long moaning about her cut, saying how they spent over an hour sewing her up etc, how every toilet trip was like a blood bath etc, I know she is basically full of shit but it I thought their must be a grain of truth in it. I know she is a huge drama queen and I should ignore her but sometimes I wonder. For the record it turned out she had a small cut which required minimal stitching she just got carried away with the horror story. Her OH I don't see her anymore was telling my OH how their daughter is so much easier and how hard boys are etc etc, my OH came home a bit fretful until I mentioned that everyones second child is easier as you know what to expect and what to do. Also she is less of a diva this time so of course he kid is calmer.

Sorry, epic post ooops.

MotherOfCleo · 01/08/2013 11:59

Yay cavort missed the tongue tie update, fingers crossed it helps your little lady start to let mummy sleep more!

MotherOfCleo · 01/08/2013 12:03

Oh and alex I'm planning to start mine when I'm 38 weeks, 37 if I really need to. I only get 6 weeks full pay so need to make the most of it, I'm hoping by leaving it until 38 weeks I will get full pay almost until Christmas not quite but almost. I am hoping my boss will let me work the odd Friday from home...although he is a grouchy sod so might not.

Cavort · 01/08/2013 12:03

Ah yes Merk, that's another thing. If you are actually puking (not just feeling sick) you need to consider what you are eating will potentially taste like on the way back up. I had quite a nasty one where I barfed a curry back up and the taste was much worse than the actual sick. Bananas and cups of tea taste quite nice in both directions. Grin

Mother your ex-friend sounds like an arse.

Alex I finished at 36.5 weeks which was right for my job as it involved loads of long-distance driving which was getting a bit much. In an office job I might have chanced a bit longer. I was off work for over a month before the birth but ended up getting a bit bored towards the end of it even though I kept myself busy.

BelissimaLol · 01/08/2013 12:11

I had no sickness whatsoever. Not even once. I know how lucky I am in that sense.
Merk I was at work on Friday until 4pm and Lara was born on satGrin. I don't believe how long you work ha anything to do with labour as mine seems to have been quite an easy one compared to others around. You have to do what you want really! Labour will be whichever way is meant to beGrin
Great news cavort. Lets hope it makes a dif.
Janey why are you finding it so hard? I mean I know its tough but I was asking specifically. Can you get any other kind of support? What about La Leche League? Could they help? How long is your little one now? (I've lost track of who gave birth when)!

CatsCantFlyFast · 01/08/2013 12:11

Laughed at bananas and tea tasting good in both directions. Unfortunately not actually being sick tho at this point would happily puke for a little relief!

HazleNutt · 01/08/2013 13:25

alex I worked full time until my due date and then from home, but was still bored out of my mind and certainly not more relaxed, but could not wait to get the labour started. So of course it depends on your job and how you feel, but personally I would not start too early - especially if this means you get less time off after the birth.

OP posts:
Alexandra6 · 01/08/2013 13:30

I've gone for 38+2 days start date, with a week of annual leave to take before that. Just working out how long my stat mat pay will take me into next year, it's measly isn't it, the first six weeks are good though which takes me to Xmas. I presume I have to pay tax on the 90% of my earnings for the first six weeks? Do I then need to pay any tax on the crappy amount I'll get for the next 33 weeks of stat mat pay? (it's around £135 a week). Does anyone know? Really hope not!

After 8 years service, you'd expect a bit more! That's small agencies for you!

janey1234 · 01/08/2013 13:37

I don't know why lol. It was easy for the first four weeks (miles is 5 weeks tomorrow) but then I was ill with a 40 degree temp, and it's gone downhill. I think the antibiotics I'm on have upset his tummy a bit so he's more grouchy, and think he's been feeding for comfort. We had someone come round to help with the latch on Monday, and today is better than it has been - sooo painful for firstv10 seconds, then it's actually ok, so hopefully we're slowly getting back in track.

Alex - yes to tax I'm afraid :( xx

MotherOfCleo · 01/08/2013 13:40

I'm planning to do exactly the same alex. I've put that my Mat Leave will start on 26th October, I'll be 38+2, depending how I feel I may take my final weeks leave beforehand so finish on Friday 18th, or I may take that from the 26th Oct and start my maternity a week later at 39+2.

I only get statutory too, sucks doesn't it! I'm currently saving £275 a month to help us survive on the measly £135 a week I'll have to contribute to the finances.

I can also confirm that tax and national insurance are deducted from all statutory maternity pay. Sad

Alexandra6 · 01/08/2013 13:53

You are bloody joking. Any idea what that brings it down to a week?? It totally sucks - I had good reason to stay with my agency (travelling sabbatical, wedding coming up, ttc with fertility apps) so I kept making excuses it never felt like the right time to move on for a new challenge, but I really wish my mat pay was better. Having said that, it's money for not working at the end of the day. Still shit though!

Quodlibet · 01/08/2013 14:00

Merkin I had some MS between 8-13 wks, it wasn't constant, it was worse if I was hungry and usually peaked on the way home. Ice lollies were my saviour.
It was worse from 8-10 weeks, then it eased off slowly. Wretching made it instantly better.

Quodlibet · 01/08/2013 14:09

Surely if you've been PAYE then you've been paying tax at a rate which assumes you will earn your entire year's salary, which you won't if you go on Mat leave. So it might mean that you've overpaid tax thus far and don't owe any extra on your SMP? When do you get taxed on it - surely not at source? Do you have to do an end of year return?

Cavort · 01/08/2013 14:36

It all depends on how much you've earned in the tax year to date as to whether SMP is taxable as it's only actually c. 7k per year (plus 6 weeks at 90%) pro rata, but if you've already earned over your personal tax free allowance when you go on ML you will have to pay basic rate tax on your SMP over that amount. Sad I don't think it's taxed at source though as the weekly amount is below the tax threshold so the £135 should be payed in full and then any tax owed will be calculated at the end of the tax year and reclaimed in subsequent tax years.

My company car means my tax code is very low and i have to pay quite a lot of tax on the crappy £135. Life sucks ass sometimes. Hmm

Alexandra6 · 01/08/2013 14:39

quod you lost me a little bit there, sorry Blush We have an accountant at work who sorts everything so all I know is I get my monthly salary and pay slip! Presume he just pays tax the "normal" way for a standard full time office? Confused

Alexandra6 · 01/08/2013 14:42

Sounds like it depends on timing? So going on mat leave late in the tax year, I'd end up paying more tax on it until next April? Or am I just being a stupid wally slow here?

Cavort · 01/08/2013 15:12

Alex I assume you get the full personal tax free allowance of £9,440? Assuming you have already earned over that when your ML starts, you will pay the basic rate (20%) of tax on your SMP until the start of the new tax year, after which your SMP will form part of next year's allowance so will only be taxed if your SMP plus earnings go over next year's tax free allowance. If you have earned more than £41,450 when you go on ML you will pay 40% tax on it until the start of the new tax year.

Alexandra6 · 01/08/2013 15:55

Thanks cavort I think I get it now and it's even crapper than I thought Still, free money. Please let me know if there's anything else I should be thinking about! Heard something about childcare tax credits or something, don't even know what they are! Am going to save my little pregnant butt off for mat leave. DH tells me off when I say that as he says we'll be fine!

MotherOfCleo · 01/08/2013 16:05

My OH gets childcare vouchers through his company but I currently have no idea what they are. Figure I can look into that when I'm on ML. Smile

CatsCantFlyFast · 01/08/2013 19:04

There's an actual 3.5mm baby with heartbeat in there! Am amazed! Have lots of pics too

Alexandra6 · 01/08/2013 19:20

Yay merkin!! Ah made me a bit emotional there, brought back memories of my early scan Smile Congrats x

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