Due End Nov/Beg Dec 2013 With DC#2

[Tinyflutterby]

Hi everyone, was going to join one of the November threads, but they're so full already and I'm only about 6 weeks pg, so feel a bit behind some of the others!

Been ttc for about 6 months and delighted to find out I was pg as ds took 2 years ttc. Ds is now 20 months. Don't have an actual due date yet as I have really long cycles and havn't had booking appointment or anything yet.

No majorly troublesome symptoms as yet, just sore boobs, more tired than usual and digestion bit delicate. Don't even feel pg some days, so it's pretty hard to believe sometimes!

Look forward to speaking to anyone else!

Oh no tiny, really sorry to hear you're in so much pain. Must be awful to have limited mobility - hope you got some help from the hospital. If not, can your DP take a day off to look after you and DS? Would they move the CS forward - you're so close now, but every day in pain and struggling must be a real ordeal.

Great that you've got most of the practical stuff prepared, me too, apart from setting up the birthpool - and that only arrives once I'm 38 weeks, so 2 weeks time. It's a relief to know that side of things is sorted, but still I feel emotionally underprepared for the rollercoaster ride... I would like to stock up on a nice lot of rest and get myself in a peaceful, strong and positive state of mind - however at the moment I am a bit of an exhausted, hormonal wreck. Hum, not sure it's the greatest starting point for labour and toddler/newborn havoc.

I am totally with you worrying about food too - my DP brought in fruit salads, and homemade / nice cafe takeaway stuff when I was in hospital (5 days) after having DD. I couldn't really stomach the hospital food, and also felt that after such a mega effort I deserved treats and rewards. Good food tends to cheer me up which is nice, but rubbish food makes me a bit depressed. Very spoilt, I know. I am thinking of doing an online food order of easy but lovely things to eat, and arranging for it to be delivered soon after the baby arrives. Can you get food delivered near you? Does your DP cook, and can you let him know what stuff you think you'll be craving after having DC2? My mum was in hospital recently and they had an M&S on site - any such luck in your hospital? Their fruit salads, sandwiches/salads, smoothies etc were great. I'm also thinking of being really explicit and asking friends to bring a proper meal when they visit (either me if I end up in hospital, or hopefully, food we can all eat together as a family) - I was told last time how important it is to eat well to assist recovery and help with breastfeeding. Also, I remember hearing the advice that you should prioritise something that will make things seem more normal (be that wearing make up or eating proper meals or having long baths etc) so that you don't feel like you've lost all your routine and stuff that's important to you when you have a newborn. I decided to prioritise food so was cooking the day after I got back from hospital - I found it reassuring to be pottering around the kitchen by myself for half an hour, it almost gave me more energy even though I was knackered. Not sure how that would feel after a CS though...

There are bound to be tough bits but we will cope. We did last time, and we will again. I think that having the shock factor removed will help alot, we know a bit more what having a new baby entails, what crazy hormones mixed with exhaustion feels like, and most importantly, that the difficult stuff passes and gets better.

I got a call from a local playgroup to say they have space for DD if we want - not sure if it is crazy to try and settle her in now, I feel a bit conflicted about it. Would only be 2 days, 3 hours each - on one hand she might really like it but I hate the thought of her feeling pushed out...

I keep meaning to talk to DD properly about the new baby and warning her that it's going to be tough, but can never seem to find the right words or the right time... What have you told your DS?

Sorry for long post, it's good to talk!

Hi Yoga, sorry this is just a short message as I'm in too much pain to sit/stand at the laptop. Your ideas about food sound great, but to be honest this last week I havn't felt like cooking or eating, so am not worrying about it too much at the moment. that's great you were offerred a playgroup place, although I would feel exactly the same as you about it, in that you are probably like me and don't want to make any major changes at the moment so close to baby coming.

I phoned the hosp this morning and luckily it was the maternity physio who had seen me last pregnancy and remembered me so she told me to come in today and she would see me. So my mum dropped me at the door and I phoned to say I was there and they came down with a wheelchair for me. So I've got crutches and 2 support belts to wear. I'm still in a lot of pain, but the crutches are at least enabling me to hobble around the house a bit more. Now just 2 sleeps to go 'til I see the consultant and pray they will take me in this week.

Will write more later, but hope you are doing well and sorry this is so short.x

Good luck, good luck! Consultant really should be able to love your date forward, sounds like things are pretty tough. Wow, you could meet your baby this week! Must be strange having that as a distinct possibility but not confirmed, a weird limbo. Hope you 're feeling ok.
Really pleased hospital visit was productive, but sorry things have got so bad. Almost there.
I've decided to wait until February before doing the playgroup.
All the best tiny, let me know how it goes on Wednesday, I'll have my fingers crossed for you x

Move your date forward! Sorry..,

Hi Yoga, how are you? Well it's 4am and I've finally given in and got up as I havn't even been to sleep yet. Just a quick update - was at my midwife/consultant appointment yesterday and they've agreed to move my c section to this Friday 15th, thanks goodness! They wouldn't do it sooner as I had to have a steroid injection for the baby's lung development and I have to go back in for the second one tommorow, then it's in at 7.30am on Friday!

They were concerned about me going home as I'm not managing at my own and have had a few near misses on the stairs with the crutches, but I really didn't want to stay in any longer than is necessary. Plus, couldn't bear to be parted from my DS for more time as he's going to have to stay with my parents while I'm in anyway. Plus (not very good reason admittedly) the thought of having to eat the hospital food for 2 extra days wasn't really selling it to me either.

It is a pain (literally) having to get back in there again tomorrow (come to think of it, I'll have been up there every day this week other than Tuesday), but a couple of my friends have been really good and come over with their little ones to play with my DS while my mum took me to hospital and the same is happening again tomorrow.

So just one more full day to endure and another night then hopefully the recovery can begin. I am concerned about the aftercare in the hospital though, as my previous experience, particularly with lack of breastfeeding support was not good. I raised this concern with the midwife yesterday and she basically told me I would be better to have external support lined up as the hospital staff were too busy for breastfeeding support. Funny how they all promote it so much antenatally then.

So not quite sure what I'm going to do and panicking a bit. I'm waiting to hear if my doula will be available this weekend to see if her coming in would be an option, other than that I'm going to have to drum up any friends who'v breastfed and hope they may be able to help. Best case scenario the baby will take to it without any problems this time, but I'm not naive enough to think that this time round. It's just that I am totally immobile so nothing is going to be straightforward if I'm having to rely on others.

Anyway, other than all that I'm getting excited about meeting my baby in a couple of days! My DH however has been in denial for the last 9 months and the reality finally hit him yesterday, so now he's panicking! I know he'll be fine though as he was exactly the same last time. It's not like he really has to do much anyway and once he's back at work his life just goes back to normal!

Hope you are well and I'll keep in touch as much as possible, although I don't have internet on my phone so will have to wait 'til I'm home next week to update you. I'll try and get on again before Friday though, no doubt at some ungodly hour again! Take care.x

Wow tiny, this time tomorrow... that is amazing news. I was awake from 3 today, rolled over at 4.30 to check mumsnet and read your post - was so excited for you but didn't want to respond then in case I woke DP. Totally understand that soon mumsnetting and posting is soon going to be so much harder. I will be thinking of you though, and sending you lots of luck and positive vibes. After thinking for ages this little one was going to come early, I've changed my tune, so I think I'll be baby free for a while longer yet. If you need me to do any research (breastfeeding counsellors near you who would do home visits, for example) let me know. I'd be happy to help, and I spend a ridiculous amount of my time looking up baby and childbirth stuff online at the moment. I might as well be doing something constructive!
I really understand the fear that feeding is going to be tricky again. It was only yesterday I really allowed myself to think about it and recognise how traumatic I found the whole thing last time. It felt like a horrible ordeal to get through when I was at my most vulnerable. I really, really don't want to go through that again, it was so upsetting. For me, I think one of the things that didn't help is that it was really stressy right from the beginning. I had lots of 'help' that didn't work and made me feel like I wasn't trying hard enough or I simply wasn't getting it. I wonder if I had been able to just chill out and relax and let DD route around a bit and not pushed it, maybe we might have got there. Or maybe not. But I'm going to try and be as relaxed as poss for the first couple of days at least, just try to relax and rest and sleep and enjoy cuddles. They don't really need anything at first, just a sip of colostrum, and I think I'd be fine about giving that in a syringe again if needed. Hopefully your doula will be able to help and resassure you, and I'm here to talk/ research/ sympathise if you need. It would be seriously unlucky to have problems twice, I think this time will be much easier. Part of the problem with us was that I had flat nipples and DD had tongue tie - apparently after BF the flat nipples aren't such a problem second time round, and it would be really unfair to have two babes with tongue tie...
My hospital had crap post natal care too, some of the staff were lovely but so busy and not skilled with breastfeeding support. I can imagine that post natal care is even more important after CS - make sure you ask whenever you need to - about having the baby moved/changed etc and whenever you need drinks/food/help going to wash etc. I found people were happy to help but often you need to tell them what you need. And after abdominal surgery it will be things like 'please pass me that drink/adjust this pillow/change my baby's nappy'
Good luck for getting through today, try to get as much rest as possible - can you get your friends/mum to stay a little longer after hospital visit so you can nap? Great that DS will be with your parents while you're in hospital, so your DH can visit with food parcels and other requests.
It's funny how two parents can have such drastically different states of preparedness for a baby, but I guess we have been carrying it for 9 months so feel every wriggle, consider all sorts of aspects of pregnancy/childbirth/preparation that they don't feel that connected to or responsible for. My DP is the same. He's been helping out with DD more and doing more around the house, but not super engaged about our imminent arrival. Maybe when we get the birthpool up it will seem more real. I am also planning to write a list of things (not very romantic or exciting...) that I'd like him to do while I'm recovering/looking after newborn. Stuff like doing the laundry, cooking the particularly muddy stuff from the veg box (!), emptying the bins in the bathroom/loo (remember how much you bleed post birth, urgh), making sure the changing areas always have enough stuff. I ran myself ragged trying to do all those practical things when I should have been resting last time.
Good luck again for today, I hope you're not in too much pain (well, I know you are, but I hope you can bear it for just one more day) and I hope you get some sleep.
Good luck for tomorrow, and all the best for a blissful first few days with your little one, and a speedy recovery from the op. Lots of love x

Aww Yoga, thanks so much for your lovely message, I really appreciate it and the offer of help with research. I will certainly let you know if I need anything looked up. I did contact a breastfeeding counsellor nearby, but didn't really feel we clicked, so may just end up asking friends etc. Not sure what my doulas availability will be yet as everything is a week earlier, but we'll see. I have to say I felt exactly the same as you with the breastfeeding situation the first time round and hope I'll be a bit more relaxed about it all, however I am worried about how I'll manage being so immobile. At the moment I'm having to go the loo half an hour before I need to make sure I get there in time! So glamerous isn't it?

Today has been ok. When I turned over in bed when I eventually went back this morning there was a huge crack and I thought 'oh no!', but in actual fact I think something may have clicked back into place as I wasn't in so much pain this morning. However after spending another afternoon in the hospital waiting for one injection I'm back to being really sore again. Had to stand for nearly an hour as there wasn't a bed available and I couldn't sit. This morning I got to go back to bed though as a friend came round and her DD played with my DS, then another friend came with her DS and took over, made us lunch and waited with DS while mum took me back to hospital, so at least I got a rest this morning.

My parents are taking DS away in a couple of hours (which I'm dreading) and I'm just trying to get all my last minute things organised. Think I've got/done everything, but still hobbling around feeling like I've forgotten something.

Anyway, better go but thanks again for the lovely message and I'll be in touch as soon as I can.x

Good luck, good luck! I'll be thinking of you tiny. Remember to ask for help with even the littlest things and take it easy on yourself. Sounds like your mum and friends are lovely and are on hand if you need them. A friend of mine described the first few days with a baby as 'falling in love, all over again' - enjoy xx

Tidyflutterby am joining you having a section this morning. Am tired from not sleeping and bloody hungry too. First time in 9 months not woken up feeling sick!!

I want a cup of tea!!!!

Hope all goes well for you and everyone else due this weekend.

Good luck Madame! All the best, enjoy meeting your baby - I'm jealous....

Tiny and Madame, hope you're both well and that life with a new baby is treating you well. Is it as crazy as the first time? Different? Thinking of you and hoping you are warm, snuggly and having an easy-as-possible time of it xx

Hi Yoga and welcome newbies! Well Elliott Nathaniel made his entrance to the World at 11.46am on Friday 15th November weighing 7lb 2oz. He is absolutely gorgeous and I will write more later when I have a bit more time.x

Congratulations and a big warm welcome to Elliott! Gorgeous name. Well done tiny, I hope you and all those around you are basking in admiration of the life you have created. What an awesome thing. I hope you're recovering ok from the op, that your back is ok and that the whole issue of feeding is easier on you this time.
I have had an eventful week (not as exciting or as eventful of yours, that's for sure) - I found out I have group B Strep (which means home birth is out of the window, but I can be in the birth centre if things seem ok on the day) and I twisted my ankle last night. Can't put any weight on my foot and have to crawl up and down the stairs. Urgh! I'm hoping it gets better before I go into labour, I remember needing to bear down during pushing last time...

Aw Yoga, so sorry to hear you won't be able to have the birth you planned. These things never seem to turn out the way we hope they will, however at least you will be in the best place and near help should you need it. Hope your ankle is also feeling better.

We are doing ok, I'm absolutely knackered but I guess that's what happens second time round when you don't get a chance to catch up on sleep. I've had a pretty bad urine infection from the catheter I had to have in hosp and my wound is also looking a bit dodgy so having to keep an eye on that.

The stay in hospital was 3 days and actually went pretty quickly thankfully. Food was rotten, ended up living on sandwiches and chocolate and basically didn't sleep at all as the ward had 6 women and 6 babies so you can imagine the noise (even with earplugs). And the heat was unbearable. However my parents kept DS1 for an extra night so we could have our first night home alone with the new baby, which was lovely and peaceful.

Unfortunately after a week of trying to get baby to latch on properly I have had to give up breastfeeding as it was all just becoming too traumatic for both of us. I basically spent the first week trying directly, then expressing and feeding by bottle which was twice as much work and with a put-out 2 year old to contend with also, it was all just too much. Not to mention the agony of cracked bleeding nipples. I did have more help in hospital this time, however I guess it just wasn't meant to be and we are all managing a lot better now I made the decision to stop. It wasn't easy, but I'll just have to get over it and move on this time as I have more than one child to consider and felt I had to do what was best in everyone's interests.

My doula did her first day on Monday and it was amazing - my house was sparkling and both boys asleep and me napping by 2pm! Yesterday was a bit more chaotic with my mum round, but I would definetly say its not such a shock to the system second time round as we are already in a routine and at least you know what to expect. The hardest part is just not enough time to sleep. Been going to bed at 9pm, basically as soon as we can get everyone fed, bathed and into bed and a quick shower for me. Then up a couple of times in the night, but that can be anything from 45 mins to 3 hours at a time! Then I am so awake I can't get back to sleep again or its almost time to get DS1 up anyway! Hoping DH helps out a bit more at the weekend.

DS was a nightmare the week DH had off work, but I think it was mainly to do with the fact that he was looking after him while I tried to bf and deal with baby etc. This week I'm trying to work things so that I get the baby up and fed first so I can devote my time to DS1 to get him up and have breakfast etc. Baby still sleeping lots during the day so I think DS getting enough attention. Just wait 'til I have to add housework etc. into the mix!

Anyway, baby fed, awake and now starting to grumble so better go try and figure out what he needs. Amazing how you forget things.

Hope you feel better soon Yoga and aren't too disappointed about your birth plan. As long as you are both safe and well that's the main thing.x

Ps. I can walk again! Back hasn't been too bad but I'm still on lots of painkillers for my wound so hard to tell what's going on with it. Osteopath said she'd do a home visit so might arrange that for next week when I'm hopefully going to feel a bit stronger.

So lovely to hear from you Tiny, I hope the rest of the week is going well and that things are feeling a bit easier with the feeding. It really sounds like you have made the right decision, I am just so sorry that you had a week of struggling with it. Urgh. I get depressed just thinking about how tough I found feeding issues with DD, sorry that you had to go through that again. Better to make your decision now though rather than prolong the misery. As you say, DS will benefit from having you more available and hopefully you can share feeding with others a bit more and increase your chances of rest. Well done, sounds like you are doing an amazing job and coping with a lot. A urine infection as well? Sheesh, that is not fair. I had a strange itchy rash after DD was born and it felt like my body was falling apart, so uncomfortable but no time to tend to it or pay myself attention really. Good luck with the scar too - do you have a midwife visit coming up to keep an eye on it? That's all you need...

I remember being delirious with sleep deprivation in the first few weeks too, and I also found it quite hard to switch off when I did have a 30 min slot to lie down in... I hope you manage to catch up on sleep over the weekend when your DP is home. Can you just hand over the kids to your mum when she's around or do you have to entertain her too? It can be a funny situation where people who come round to help end up draining you even more...

So pleased the doula is working out well, so good you set that up. An ordered house and time to nap - that sounds like absolute magic, balm for the soul. I think having a baby can really take it's toll on your nerves too, so having someone to provide care and restore order and ensure rest is so so so sensible. I'm really hoping I can communicate what I need to DP so he can do a bit of that, but realistically I know it would have to be someone professional like a doula to come in and do it automatically.

I'm not that bothered about my birth plan now, I was upset for a day or two because I thought I wouldn't get the money back for the birthpool we'd hired, but the woman was amazing and has refunded us in full. I am so grateful to her. I am now really happy to be at the hospital and looked after (although I do remember the noise and disturbance and disappointing food!) and I think it will be much easier to explain to DD what will happen, where I'll be for a few days etc rather than it all be up in the air. And I totally get that anything can happen, I just want us both to be ok - if I end up with another induction, CS, fine. I would like to avoid forceps though... But then again, it could all be lovely and calm and in a pool in the midwife led unit. I guess we just have to take what circumstances give us.

Heartisaspade and madame - thinking of you too. Hope things are going well xx

Hi Yoga, I'm glad you have contented yourself with your change in birth plan, I'm sure it will all be for the best and perhaps the hospital you are going to will be better than the ones here! the one I was in doesn't have the best reputation, however I was fairly well looked after and it was certainly a more positive experience than first time round. Lets hope you still get your calm pool birth, albeit not at home.

Well things didn't work out with the doula. Last week was great, she did her 3 days as agreed, but turned round on Friday and said she was only available one day this week, one day next week and then she was off on holiday over Christmas and wouldn't be available at all! So 2 weeks post-op I've been left to manage on my own and to be honest I've been in a lot of pain as a result as I've had to just carry on with all the household stuff and the kids. I feel very let down, although I've complained to the organisation and they are dealing with it for me. Doesn't help though. And now my mum feels under pressure to try and help me more. I'm in so much pain today I could cry.

On a more positive note, my DH was offered a lot of self employed work last week and it was enough that he could leave the job he was in, so he's back working from home. He's too busy to help me with anything, but just knowing he's there some of the time if I really need him helps. And he's there for dinner and bath time so that's fantastic. The work should last until Christmas and he'll be able to have time off over the festive period (he wouldn't if he was still in that job) and we'll just have to see what develops after that.

With everything that's been going on I havn't even had time to dwell on the feeding issues, although I'm still getting that tingly feeling of the milk let-down when I'm feeding or holding DS2. A bit of a cruel reminder really. Anyway, he's feeding really well on formula now and gaining weight, so that's the main thing. Last couple of night he's been up once and managed to go until about 7am so that's not too bad. Still delirious with tiredness though, but hopefully this phase will be short-lived.

Anyway, I chose to do this rather than my online grocery shop and now I need to go to bed, so will go now. Hope you are well though and thinking of you.x

Hiya tiny, thanks for your message. It's good to connect and to hear from you about life on the other side of pregnancy. I hope you got some sleep and that you're not in too much pain today. Amazing that you've managed to get Elliott settled into sleeping until 7 with just one wake up already. Sounds like FF was an excellent move - feeding well, gaining weight, sleeping for longer stretches - you're doing great.
I cannot believe how let down you've been by the doula. That is so so shocking. She is there to help support you at probably one of the most vulnerable times in your life, when there is so much pressure, you have had major surgery and are managing a huge life transition - on behalf of yourself and your entire family. Her whole job is to be there for you, to help out and prevent you from doing too much. I am furious on your behalf. Can the agency send someone else? Not ideal, I know, but surely they've got to take responsibility for providing the service you need. I imagine just having to deal with it and negotiate and cope with feeling let down must be exasperating. Shocking.
I know you probably don't want advice, but please, please, please don't feel guilty about getting your mum to help out more - even if it's inconvenient for her/she's tired/whatever - it is NOTHING compared to what you are having to cope with at the moment. This is one time in your life when you have to accept support, even demand it. Your poor body needs a chance to heal, and with so much pressure I really think it's important to feel like you can share a bit of the burden. Hand stuff over if you can, let things slide if at all possible. Easier said than done, I know, and probably frustrating to hear when there is no real way to make things easier... Frankly, I am terrified of feeling as unsupported as I felt after having DD. I felt like my base level of security had been ripped out from under me, and nothing could have prepared me for it. Gah, I can't believe you had the doula in place to mitigate all that and she's let you down.
I'm planning to hand over something big (like laundry) to my DP - I'll tell him for the next few weeks he'll need to put a load on every other day and hang it up before bed. Is your DH able to do something like that? It's great he's at home more, and for the rest of the month. I can imagine supper, bath and bed would be torture without. But keep asking for more, just in these next few weeks, even if it wrecks him - it's so important you don't burn out.
Sorry for the rant, I think it's really good for me to process some stuff, sorry if I'm projecting onto you...
I still feel like I've got a week or two to go, although I'm due on Sunday. I'm not too fed up yet (possibly because I'm a bit scared and mentally underprepared for what comes next) and haven't started any of the tricks to bring on labour. For the moment I'm happy to hold off...
I know your time is really, really tight - please don't feel you have to post back. I'll keep popping on and will let you know how I'm getting on. But I'm here for you. I know this is a difficult time, but it will get so much better, easier, more managable, and fun. Hang on in there xx

Hi Yoga, how are you? Thinking about you due tomorrow, how are things? Any sign of baba yet? Thanks so much for listening. The agency did offer to find another doula but by this point I had had to manage for a week on my own and to be honest I didn't think it would be worth spending any more money when I was managing not too badly myself. Plus, I couldn't be bothered having to interview more as I just don't have the time or the headspace. I am very angry about it, especially since my DH is being very unsupportive and unsympathetic. He keeps moaning about being tired and finding things difficult, yet he hasn't really done anything, not one night feed. He even had the cheek to grudge me a nap this afternoon, even though I'd been up half the night as Elliott is proving difficult to settle after he wakes for a feed.

Yeah, my mum's been good in that she will take DS1 out for a bit so I can rest, but she's disabled herself so it's not that easy for her. She's been coming up a couple of times a week though, which is better than nothing. To be honest, as long as DS1 has an afternoon nap I can usually manage to get through the day.

I understand how terrified you feel re. support, however remember that as women we have strength and resilience we do not even know we have and we have friends (me included!) who are there to listen and support, which can often be better than DP's, who are really a completely different species and don't have a clue what we have or are going through. Good plan with the laundry. My DH said he wouldn't do it right, so that was his get-out clause, however I made a list for him this morning eg. clean bathrooms, hoover etc. basically the stuff I really can't manage. I can do the basics like dishes, laundry (he just lifts it upstairs) and preparing meals. And don't worry, you're not projecting.

Slightly off-topic, but did you follow any books/routines first time round? I loosely followed Gina Ford and am keen to get Elliott into a routine as it will make my life easier, but have found it's not really working as it's too rigid. A friend gave me a book called 'The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan' and I've been trying that today. It's basically feeds every 3 hours 7am-7pm with naps in between, then bedtime (no late feed as apparently it interrupts their natural sleep pattern) and night feeds whenever. She reckons they should be sleeping through by 8 weeks or so, so we'll see how tonight goes anyway. I had to try something as he seems to be sleeping all day then really difficult to settle at night. He's only been having one night feed about 3am, but is then awake and unsettled for 3 hours and I'm up and down to him constantly. So we'll see how tonight goes anyway. I've also had to put him in his own room as every murmer is making me feel like I have to do something and she reckons tehy sleep better without parents disturbing them constantly too. It's hard though and I'm going in and checking on him all the time. My DS1 was in his own room from a few weeks old too. I know they tell you to keep them in with you for 6 months, but my friends who did that found they had problems getting them to sleep in their own rooms by that stage, whereas my DS has always been quite happy on his own.

Anyway, need to go to bed. My DH is relaxing watching tv and I want to strangle him! Hope you're well and thinking about you lots. Big hugs.x

Hi tiny - yup, due date today! I was in hospital last night for monitoring as I had a bit of red blood. Think it was just a bit of plug coming away, I felt my body was getting ready for something and the baby was quite low. However, now the baby has moved back up a bit - I think might have been freaked out by the hospital, internal exams etc as its heart rate shot up after the examination (which is why they kept me on the monitor for AGES and I didn't get home til after midnight). I'm pretty tired today, but pleased all is well. Don't think I'll be meeting baby today, despite DD being born on her due date.
I wanted to reply to your question about routines - we went on a course with a midwife before having DD who recommended a fairly relaxed routine of Feed, Play, Sleep. You start a feed roughly every 3-4hours in the daytime, but don't wake baby up to feed at night unless there's a medical reason to do so. DD still woke, but didn't need feeding from 4 months. It worked quite well for us. I think the idea is you don't let them fall asleep during feeds, and instead of instantly offering milk in between scheduled feeds you see if they need to sleep / change scenery or nappy or interact. And roughly aim for a period of sleep between feeds (just ideally not STRAIGHT after). I used to keep a record of feeding start times on my phone so I could check when it was roughly time to do another. I did have a rough plan with times on but can't find it - I might email the midwife and see if she'll send it through. I'll let you know, but to be honest we never really stuck to the times on the sheet, more an approximation of them, which I guess is what we'll have to go with having a toddler in the mix too.
From what I remember there's the morning feed - 7ish, then 10 or 11ish, then 2ish, then 5ish. She recommends breastfeeders to cluster feed 5-8pm, but with formula you could prob just follow the 5ish feed with 7ish bedtime feed. For the first few months (until they drop it) she also suggested your partner do 11pm feed (and that you go to sleep as early as possible so you're able to bank a good lot of sleep until they wake in the night for feeding). That was a godsend to me, I would be in bed by 8.30 most nights, so even if my night was really disturbed I'd usually had a solid stretch of 5 hours. Does your DH have a feed he 'does' - I'd recommend handing over last one of the night at least. When DD had given that one up, I handed over the very early morning one, we agreed anytime after 5am, so DP got a reasonable stretch of sleep too.
Some of the recommendations are quite similar to the ones in The Baby Whisperer - have you read that? Basically the routine is EASY - Eat, Activity, Sleep, You. I found some of the advice useful, although we didn't follow it to the letter. We 'shusshed' DD to sleep a lot, doing less and less each time, in an attempt to get her to go off on her own.
Got to go now, but I'll post again later x

Tiny, I also wanted to say what a boost it was to read your post - I was in the hospital on Sat, slightly panicking about the baby's racing heartrate, and thought I'd distract myself with mumsnet on my phone. Great to have had a sane, understanding voice in there with me (DP was at home looking after DD)

Sorry to hear that your DH isn't being more supportive. Sounds like he expects to continue getting on with life as it has always been - still stressful at times, with work etc but in comparison to yours, ridiculously comfortable. Even the teensy-ist bit begrudging on their part seems like an enormous affront doesn't it? Just going to show how they simply don't get it. Your insides have been ripped apart, you are delirious from lack of sleep, you have just produced a whole other human being and are running the show pretty much on your own, keeping the family and house together. And simply not having the energy to articulate the situation so they get it and pull their finger out. If it's any consolation, I think most women experience this at some point with their DPs after having DC, even though some are much worse than others. Hopefully this is just a stage and things will even out and balance better later. As you say, women cope with so much, have so much inner strength. It's incredible.

Really sorry about the situation with the doula as well. I know it would be more effort than its worth to get someone else in at this point, so annoying that you were let down and had to deal with it a week post op, with a newborn and toddler to look after. You have every right to be angry.

Great idea about putting Elliott in another room - I used to take DD down when she woke early early morning, and sleep with her on the sofa (not recommended I know) - it worked ok for us then, as she wouldn't settle back in her cot and was keeping both of us awake, but something about being carried into a different environment meant she could snooze a little longer. Anyway, it would be good not to have to repeat that this time round as it wasn't great for my sleeping, and I think most of the time DD was actually fine, just snorting and grunting and making noises in her sleep, semi waking but not needing anything. But it kept me awake, vigilant and hyper alert to whether or not I should intervene now or wait until she properly woke. Crazy. When I should have been sleeping. Had she been in her own room she could have snorted away and I'm sure we'd all have slept better.

We have a co-sleeper cot (one you fix to the side of the bed) which we didn't have before (we borrowed it this time round). We'll see how it goes, but I would defo move DC2 into a different room earlier on if it improves sleep.

No sign of baby arriving anytime soon, I had a few days feeling slightly crampy but nothing to get excited about. Not feeling too impatient yet, but I'm sure I'll start getting more anxious as time goes on. Got a midwife appointment in a bit, hopefully she can tell me baby's heartrate is normal and seems happy.

Will keep you posted x

Hi Yoga, how are you? Been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you are getting on. How are things with baby's heart rate? Any more signs of imminent arrival?

I've had an exhausting couple of days with my mother-in-law staying to 'help'. I wasn't keen in the first place as she actually ends up giving me more work than she actually helps me, but when she found out about the doula she was desperate to help and as they live far away and my DH doesn't see them that often so I agreed. However, I wish I hadn't. In fairness she did all the cooking and even some more stuff for my freezer so that was a help, however she left my kitchen in a terrible mess and I've been scrubbing oil off everything all day and re-doing most of the dishes. She also stood and watched me clean the bathroom this morning and I've been left with a mountain of extra bedding and towels to wash (thankfully my mum usually helps out with 'big' washing as she has a tumble dryer).

Also, she just talks all the time and none of us could get on with anything we had to do. I barely got to rest and my DS wouldn't nap as there was too much going on, so we're all exhausted. I ended up in tears today after she left as I was just so frazzled. Needless to say it was just another thing for DH and I to argue about, to the point where I was seriously considering packing up the boy's things and moving to my parent's for a few days. I ended up writing him a letter last night to try and explain how I felt as there doesn't seem any way of getting through to him. It didn't help much but I felt better for writing it down.

Yes, it's working out well having Elliott in his own room, he has slept better and so have I. I can hear the cries, but not all the little funny noises that keep you awake. I'm still putting him down when I put DS down about 8pm and last night he only woke once at 2.30am, although he wouldn't settle so we were up for a couple of hours, but that was him 'til I woke him at 7.30am this morning, so hoping he'll only feed once again tonight (but hopefully be easier to settle). His cot is actually one of those that goes on the side of the bed too, however I never intended to use it for that purpose and he's actually still in the mosses basket anyway.

Well I hope you are both doing ok and I'll keep thinking of you, sending positive vibes that all goes well and you get the birth experience you want.x

Hi tiny - all good with baby, midwife thought heart rate sounded fine. Not sure how imminent arrival is, I feel quite chilled today, whereas I was a hormonal mess yesterday. I have no idea what the signs might be...

MIL visit sounds like my idea of hell, thank god its over. SO annoying when folk who mean to help end up exhausting and frustrating you. I remember that making me feel miserable, like a reminder that no matter what I did - accept offers of help etc - life was just a slog and there was no magic to make it easier. It will get better, and it sounds like you've done a great job of steering things into a workable rhythm on your own. So tiring though. I really hope your DH starts being more supportive. Did you give him the letter? Did it help? I've been writing stuff down that I mean to communicate with DP to help me get my head round what I feel and what I think I need, but haven't actually shared the written versions with him yet.

And if you really feel that your life could be made easier, there could be some sense of having a break from the frazzled feeling by staying with your folks, I'd say go for it. Go with your gut instinct - and go because it will help, not because you're angry (cos then it could be really gutting if it isn't as relaxing as needed). Good luck whatever you decide to do. I really, really hope he starts to see things from your perspective soon and starts pulling his weight. Thinking of you xx

Hi Yoga, glad all seems well and you are feeling a bit more chilled today, just take it easy as it will be any day now.

I'm miserable, this in-law situation just goes from bad to worse. My father in law has now emailed my DH to say they didn't feel welcome. Well I'm sorry, but I can't be the hostess with the mostest when I've just had a baby and major surgery and people are coming to stay and expecting to be entertained. I'm so angry as no-one seems to understand what I've just been through and all they are succeeding in doing is spoiling this special time for me and adding to an already stressful situation. I just feel like running away.

Anyway, sorry you don't need to be hearing all this right now. Thinking of you and will check in as often as I can to see how you're getting on.x