traumatic life threatening birth

[BlueCollie]

Hi, my son is finally here and lovely but the birth was really traumatic and I could not see if there was a separate section on MN to post and get others experiences and how they dealt with it. Where do I post?

Sorry. Didn't mean to be insensitive.

no, you numpty ilove, i was agreeing with you.

it's one thing to feel grateful inside yourself (bloody hell, i did, dd2 was FINE ye gods when she could have been in a bad way), quite another to have aged aunties clasp your hands and TELL you to be grateful. iykwim?

BlueCollie that is great news about your DP being able to stay home, i think your positivity shines through in your posts and it sounds like if you take the hospital up on their offer of counselling you'll get through this .

Hope you have a great 1st Christmas as a family, it sounds like you deserve it [need a festive emoticon]

Thanks, I did think about seeing if there was something I could try and take to persist at breastfeeding but Jake was getting so distressed by being out to my breast and nothing coming out and then getting bottlefed....well he had to get some milk...and then me trying again, again and trying to express and it all not working that I was then getting distressed by it all. I never got that full painful, breatmilk coming in and realised I had just been too ill to produce any milk and that keeping on was just upsetting my baby and didn't want to do that anymore. The funny thing is that when I said to the midwives and the Dr's in hospital that i had decided to give in they all breathed a sigh of relief and said they were amazed I had tried for as long as i did LOL. On a good note though I can go to my works xmas bash and stay in a lovely hotel while my mum looks after my lovely boy.... now that is a positive of bottlefeeding
Like you bikerunski I felt ashamed at bottlefeeding Jake in public and actually let my partner do it on friday (first day out and about) I thought I was being mad but reading that you felt that way too has made me think it is probably a normal reaction at first and I'll get over it. I don't know why I feel bad as I have never thought badly of anyone bottlefeeding as I think its up to the individual.

oh yes i felt that way too, and in fact i was still expressing a bit so there was actually no way that people could have known whether it was formula or ebm. i was very envious of people just able to 'do it'.
basically it was all in my head, let's be honest what other people even bother to look at you other than to coo at your beautiful baby...? i think i lost the plot a bit in retrospect, and if you feel the same that's okay, there are lots of powerful forces; emotional, hormonal, physical, cultural etc operating on you at the moment, these things influence you even if your rational brain knows that you did your best and you had a 'choice' forced upon you.
i sincerely recommend speaking to someone from SK birth crisis on the phone while you're waiting for the debrief with the hospital. it's so useful to tidy up your head right at the beginning, imo.

You poor thing. That sounds bloody awful and traumatic. I had a big bleed with my first (and currently only) child and had to be rushed into theatre and given a transfusion. Don't worry in any way about breastfeeding; what matters to your baby is food (in whatever package), warmth and mummy and daddy cuddles.

Oh BlueCollie, am so so so glad you are ok and are home with your baby. How bloody scary.

at your story. It gave me the shivers. You will undoubtedly be in need of some support and I hope you find either a support group or therapist [or both] usefull. If that is what you choose to do.

Your son has you which is all he cares about, so shrug your shoulders to the breastfeeding if and when you can, easier said than done I know. Many congratulations on your son, enjoy the babymoon and the wonderful smell of the newborn.

bluecollie, my heart goes out to you. I had a traumatic birth with ds1 and it really affected me. When he was 6 months old I went on ADs and then eventually found a wonderful therapist who specialized in CBT (cognitive behavior therapy). When ds1 was 2 1/2 I started thinking that I might be able to handle another pregnancy. Dh was more hesitant but finally agreed about 8 months later. MN was a HUGE help during all of this and I found a lot of support through the birth trauma association as well.

Like you, I am also in the medical profession and I had some moments of guilt wondering if there was more that I should have done to prevent all that happened. I have finally been able to let that go.

I also had lots of problems bfing and felt bad about that too. But now looking back I know that I did the best that I could under the circumstances.

As others have said, keep talking about it. It really does help.

Thank you for your kind words of support. Just thought I would say we are all doing well. I've been made to feel heaps better about the breastfeeding because my little man hasn't been ill once yet unlike some breastfed babies I know...awful for them but makes me realise the immune thing from breastmilk isn't all it's cracked up to be Plus I tried as hard as I could but when there is no milk and nothing was making it come in not much you can do about it. My body must have known I needed my sleep to recover LOL.
The hospital still hasn't carried out it's investigation into my birth yet so I am still waiting for Dr to reported to the General Medical Council. This concerns me somewhat as he can still practice in other hospitals unsupervised
Another good thing is my body has returned to normal ovulation I think.....well the P.M.T is back anyhow and I have had one huge period!! So I can try to have another baby once I've fully recovered from this little man Think that's the point when the I might need councelling....eeek! Mind you I was in denial right up to the birth for this one so could just do the same for the next...denial is a wonderful thing.