"Ohh how how lovely, is it the first grandchild?"

[cherryontopp]

NNOOOooo its not, what's the big deal?

Every time ive told people in pregnant its how far am I and if its the first grandchild.

My parents have my nephew off my brother and Dp's mother has grandchildren that she hasn't seen in years (his brothers ex stops him and his family from seeing them out of spite).

My parents are very excited having their daughter pregnant rather than their sons (now ex) girlfriend and my MIL is over the moon to get a grandchild who she can part of their life. I never thought that not having the first is something less special but everyone else seems to think so.

I've been trying for 2 years and went through IVF and this is my and partners first child and were very excited. I didn't give a shite about anyone else until now.

Will it be less special, less spoilt, less favoured than their first grandchildren?

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
In their defence, it can be a bit difficult to find things to say. And I find that question pretty inoffensive in comparison to "was it planned?" (Yes, a colleague asked me that!!)
In the nicest possible way I think you're being a bit over sensitive. I don't think people mean to imply that your pregnancy isn't special or exciting because the baby won't be the first grandchild. They're just making conversation.
Just think of it as practice for nodding and smiling when people say all sorts of things throughout pregnancy and motherhood!
And seriously. Congratulations

It's polite convo

Wouldn't even register with me

Buddy your taking things too literally. I'm putting no social emphasis on nothing cos I'm not entirely sure what social emphasis is for a start
what I meant was, its exciting (and scary) for me and my partner as were becoming parents for the first time as many other couples are and didn't grasp the first grandchild question as it's of no consequence to us

Because it is exciting, special, unique having your first grandchild. That's why people ask.

Doesn't make any subsequent grandchildren less important or exciting.

Someone having a child is a massive thing to them. Most people realise that, so think its a bit rude to simply say congratulations, and nothing else. But what do you ask if someone is pregnant? There are in reality only a small number of questions you can ask. When is it due? Do you know the sex? etc People don't care about the answers, they are simply being nice.

I do care about the answers actually.
I think it is a bit mean to say no one cares.
No one cares as much as the pregnant woman and her partner, but people do care (some more than others, obviously!)

Yes I get the drift, more social platitudes to come. I am a newbie to this whole pregnancy thing so I'm only learning.
I've been getting was it planned a lot too to which I always stutter because i can hardly turn round and say well yes we had to get it fertilised in a Petri dish

You can choose to get all bent out of shape OP or just crack on and enjoy your pregnancy. My unwanted advice is to not give it a second thought.

Say it! Oh I dare you to say it!
Honestly these people need a straight answer, maybe they'd think twice before asking next time!

And good luck armermaid, 1 month to go. On here the thing is to have a bottle of prosecco and some patè in the fridge chilling by this point

Name change, the bigger I get and the more fed up i get of being pregnant.. I'll no doubt snap it out at some point.

No but you can simply laugh and say 'yes of course!' Which is what i used to say (mine was also via ivf).

And being asked if its the first grandchild is normal. My mum was/is often asked by strangers if my daughter is her first grandchild which she finds hilarious - she has 4 other grandchildren by my other sibling and a greatgrandchild. Its just friendly chitchat that people come out with. Best dealt with through good natured humour. Congrats on your pregnancy!

If it helps, DC1 is 3/7 and 3/6 grandchild on either side. He is the favourite on both sides

There are a constant stream of stupid things people say when you announce you're pregnant, this is just one on a long list! For example, if you have a boy they assume you're hoping for a girl and vice versa, if you have a child already they comment on the age gap, they ask if the pregnancy was planned, I've even been asked if my 3 children are all by the same father! People blurt out stupid stuff without thinking, IMO being the first or fifth grandchild makes not one single jot of difference. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Margo, I'm not sure how much good natured humour I have left in me. Working 2 jobs when I'm constantly shattered, peeing, eating and feeling sick but yes ill grit my teeth and bare it..roll on February I say!

I've been getting was it planned a lot too to which I always stutter because i can hardly turn round and say well yes we had to get it fertilised in a Petri dish

That is absolutely what you should say.

I had a huge number of people asking me if DC1 was planned and then telling me that DC2 was a surprise because of a close age gap (still two school years apart) that in the end I got really short with them and said I knew how contraception worked and if we had got our way the age gap would have been smaller - depending on who the person was depended upon whether I said it with a smile or a scowl!

Cocoloco, he must be quite a character or impeccably well behaved

Crazy, yeah I think people blurt out all sorts of not meaning to be offensive but being offensive crap when there asking. People will always comment on how many children, what age u had them, how long u were with partner before TTC..ill have to get my best smile out

I got asked if DD would be first grandchild and if she was planned. I just answered the first because it isn't rude and ignored the second because it's incredibly rude.

Congratulations on your baby OP.

It's somethin' to say innit

would you rather if they asked how your pregnancy hemorrhoids are coming along?

Other people's pregnancies are boring so we talk shite at pregnant people. You do the same when you're not pregnant (yes you do! everyone does!)

People are just trying to think of something to say. They can say 'I don't care if you are pregnant' so they think of some banality to say instead.

Agree with this, I am just not interested in pregnancies( and even less so in weddings) so just make generally acceptable noises to be polite. No harm meant.

We started off with a boy and then a girl. The number of people who expressed astonishment when we went on to have more DC was extraordinary. "Why? When you've already got one of each?!" So rude!

I ask this of pregnant couples often. It’s just polite small talk as unless I’m related to the baby, I’m not remotely interested so just stick to the usual lines.