Motherless mothers on mothers day

[SiriusStar]

This will be my 10th Mothers Day without my mum. It got easier when I had my ds as it meant that I could "join in" and be part of it again.
I still find it hard though, seeing all the posters and cards. I get annoyed at buying a card for my mil and can't even write Mum on gift tags for her as it feels wrong.
The thing that people don't tell you about when someone dies is that you not only grieve for the past that has gone but the future you won't get as they are no longer with you.
My lovely Mum has missed so much and I feel the loss of her so keenly in March and then the anniversary in May. It may not sting as much but the dull ache is still there.

I suppose I just wanted to say that I am thinking of all you motherless mothers over the next couple of weeks.

Oh Wizzy - I could have written your post this time last year. I'm so sorry for your loss. What you do on the day is up to you entirely. I chose to totally ignore the day and have requested a very low-key day this year. Do whatever is easiest for you.

Take care. x

So sorry for your loss Wizzywoo.

Thinking of all of us as the day gets closer.

wizzywoo and all the others here with recent bereavements - so so sad to read - my heart goes out to you - its a really sad time of year without your mum.

my mum died when i was only 9 (26 years ago) so it became just like a normal part of growing up to avoid any great talk of Mothers day. But like everyone else on here its just made so much worse when you have your own dc - it kind of makes me feel like there is some injustice in the world - why cant i celebrate this day with my mum? why cant my kids be making granny cards for her? but then i dont remember very much about her so i never talk about her to them - dont really know what to say - so they wouldnt even be making cards for granny in heaven.

it doesnt make it better but a friend once said that most people have some sadness in their life - maybe they cant conceive, maybe they are seriously ill or maybe they lost someone else close to them and unfortunately not having a mum is my cross to bear. and it makes me thankful for everything else i have in life and thankful for evey prescious moment i have with my kids.

My mum died when I was a baby, so mother's day was never "done" when I was a child, and growing up I never thought that I missed her.

But when I got pregnant, I was cripplingly lonely and lost and when I saw how much my DS was attached to me when he was a baby I realised that although I couldn't remember it, losing her must have been a huge loss to me at the time.

Now I think that I would have been a very different person had I been mothered.

I'm really sorry for those who are grieving.

Heartfelt sympathy to all who are struggling.

I lost my unique and wonderful mum three years ago and still struggle without her. I got so annoyed the other day when a shop assistant tried to sell me perfume for mothers day.

Mothers day has always been a bit sad in our house, I have two 'step kids' who have no contact with their mum (she has a severe drug problem). It used to infuriate me when they were forced to make mothers day cards at school, not everyone is lucky enough to have a mum.

I just try to remember how fortunate I was to have had my mum, she really was one of a kind. She was dying when I was pregnant with my first DD and my consultant kindly allowed me to be induced at 38 weeks to allow my mum to meet my baby. She had three wonderful weeks with her and for that I will always be truly grateful. My mum died happy that my little girl had arrived safely. Selfless to the end.

God I miss my mum.

Just shedding a few tears as I read this thread. I feel really comforted to know that others are in the same position. toomuchmum your story really touched me. This is my first mothers day without my Mum. She died on 9th Jan & I miss her so very much. I haven't got any brothers or sisters but I do have some fantastic friends. However only a few of them truly understand what life is like without your Mum. One friend sent me a lovely card today just to say she would be thinking of me this weekend & the other sent me a lovely email saying that she knew my Mum was so proud of me & adored me. The card & the email made me cry but they mean so much to me.

Here's a poem I found recently:

Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part.
God has you in his keeping, I have you in my heart.

Thank you cinemaparadiso

My own mother died 25 years ago, when dh speaks to MIL on the phone about something trivial I always feel envy! Today I met a man Iknow slightly whose mum died recently; his family are scattering her ashes on Sunday on her daughter's grave. Poor family.

15 years now since my mum died. I still feel very uncomfortable with buying a card for MIL from DH. It was Mothers Day when my DD was born though, which was lovely that year.

We had a difficult relationship and then she suffered with mental illness so I started grieving long before she actually died, but I do still feel huge envy sometimes- especially when I was having the DCs. I can't honestly say I miss my mum but I really miss having a mum IYKWIM.

Thinking of all of you, especially those having their first Mothering Sunday without their mum x

My mum died 37 years ago. Wow I can't quite believe it, and had to work it out.

Like others on this thread, after many years of "being used to it", I found it strangely hard when I got PG and when DD was born. My mum was 21 when she died. She was cheated of so much. I wish so much she was here to see her gorgeous granddaughter.

I am lucky that I always had my Grandmother and she stepped in so many ways. She is 82 now and in poor health. I think I will find her passing a lot harder to deal with. She is the person I have always celebrated on Mother's Day. I only hope she has quite a few more in her.

It's 15 years now since my Mum died. I was 19 and away at University. She had cancer but was doing well. I think my Dad tried to protect me by not really telling me what was going on so it was a huge shock when mum deteriorated suddenly and died quickly.

Although I don't consciously think about her every day any more, there are so many times that I'd like to speak to her to tell her something or ask her advice.

It seems such a waste. She raised the 3 of us brilliantly, often with little support from my Dad, but she died without getting the chance to pass on much of her wisdom to us. So often when I'm struggling wih something I think, "Mum would know that". It makes me feel angy as well as sad.

She has missed so much - my Graduation, never met my DH, either of our ds's or any of my neices and nephews. It all seems so unfair.

It was her birthday in March too. I always seem to struggle through this month and feel relieved once it's over.

Luckily my MIL is great, but I hand over all responsibility of getting cards, presents etc for her over to DH.

I'll enjoy being a Mum myself on Mothers Day, but feel shortchanged that I haven't got my own Mum to hug and say Thankyou to.

Thanks for starting this thread, I too have wept a wee tear reading through. Mothers Day is always hard but I find Christmas and her birthday even more difficult and for the past 4 years have posted a birthday message to her here

My mum died of cancer 5 1/2 years ago, when dd was only 1. We didn't always get on but I do miss being able to tell her stuff, especially about dd, who she adored. dd doesn't remember her but mum made a book with photos for dd to look at when she is older.

dd made a lovely card for me, but it does still feel strange having noone to buy for myself. dh buys his own card and some flowers for MIL.

CinemaParadiso ..Thank you for the poem.I wrote eariler in this thread that it will be the first mothers day without my lovely mum.Im going to put some flowers down for her tomorrow and i am going to use your lovely poem .As it just sums up how i feel.
Thinking of everyone on sunday xx

I can't read all this thread as I know it will make me cry.
my mum died when I was 18. which was over a lifetime ago, but I still miss her, over the last 2 years my SM then my darling Dad died.
so can I just send love to all of you who are missing a loved one.

My mum died 13 years ago. I had never really paid any attention to Mothers' Day, but tomorrow is my first one as a mum. Have spent ages crying today thinking about my mum and just how much I miss her. Every year, I promise myself I will get over it, and every year, I fail miserably. I miss her smell, her smile, her laugh. I remember how as a child I always insisted on going to bed with an item of clothing she had worn just for comfort. I feel so angry that she isn't here. I want to be able to tell her that being a mother is bloody difficult, and I have no idea how she managed to birth and raise five children. My DS is ill at the moment, and I feel so useless and powerless to help him. I wish she was here to tell me what to do and how to make things better. I miss laying my head in her lap whilst she told me silly stories and tickled the back of my ears. I miss her hugs. I miss how, despite being the most difficult child ever, she never stopped telling and showing me how much she loved me. I go to playgroups and see other women with or talking about their mothers, and usually spend the remainder of the day trying to hold back tears. Most of all, I look at my DS and think I can never be that good a mother to him.

My mum died two years ago.

This year seems harder than ever. I miss her so much.

Thinking of you all on here tomorrow. xx

To all you lovely ladies who have posted here:
I hope that you feel truly loved and valued as a Mother today and may you remember the mums you have lost with smiles as well as tears.

It will be 8 years this year since i lost my mum , always find today hard. Going up to the cemetry in a bit with some flowers.

hello ladies, i too have lost my mom and dad.
it has been 10 years and i still think about them every day

today is always going to be difficult for all of us.

my biggest wish would be that they could be here to see their lovely grandchildren

love to all of you!

Thanks for this thread.My mum died just before Christmas. I don't think anyone has remembered that this is my first Mother's day without a mum.

I'm so sorry for all you ladies struggling out there. This is my first MD without my mum too. She died 6th Feb after a battle with cancer.

We didn't have a great relationship in lots of ways and I learned how to be a good mum by doing what she didn't do ifykwim. But she was still my mum. And we were better when we were apart, so had gotten on great since I moved away.

I miss her. I guess this will be a tricky day from now on and I'm just glad to have somewhere to outpour a bit. I miss my familytoo, as they're 70 miles away and I don't get to see them when they're struggling too.

I think the saddest thing, to some degree, is that people don't even realise how hard this day is for us all. At least we have MN!

Cicatrice that is so sad Although you may be pleased to hear that it's made me feel a bit more kindly disposed towards my own mum - have been having an angry time the last two weeks after finding some stuff out about her suicide that infuriated me all over again. But your post made me remember, at her funeral, my great-aunt crying over the memory of mum as a tiny baby. She was somebody's daughter, lost, as well as our mother who chose to leave; she was vulnerable.

I've been avoiding this thread all week, but have stupidly read it today of all days. I was 4 when I lost my mum, and I look at my DSs today and can't bear the thought of what she went though knowing she was going to leave my brother and me.

I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful stepmother who brought me up from very young though, although she doesn't get a Mothers Day card.

I didn't know if I should post here or not as I don't have children, so please don't be annoyed with me.

Just wanted to say Happy Mothers Day to my own mum out there. Hope you and dad are having a good day.

It's been 14yrs sice she passed and the first mothers day was doubly hard as it was also a few days after Dunblane. Although we as a family were not directly affected, it did affect the town as a whole. Horribe horrible time.

Time does heal tho,you can't change the past, but, nothing can ever destroy the memories we have of sharing that time with a mother, so sorry for those who lost their mother at a very young age.

Really feel for all of you who are going thru this for the 1st time, I hope today has not been too difficult.