"I cry at night,I talk to her,tell her I am not angry,just sad but is that grieving?" - Yes! It is, it is. Your situation is so similar to mine - you need loads of time and space to yourself to start to process all the different feelings and confusion, etc etc - but you simply can't afford to take the luxury of that time!
I chose to let my grief out in 'pockets' because I knew that my life responsibilities simply would not allow me to do otherwise. So every now and then I would make time for myself and either cry or go to my brother's grave or even sometimes do nothing directly connected to my loss. I once met up with a close friend who's a counsellor (on the 1st anniversary) so that I could talk through stuff, but when we met I just didn't feel 'in the mood' to talk about it - I was having a grief-free day and decided that it would be artificial to dredge up the stuff that was at the back of my mind, so we just had a nice meal instead.
Now, two years on, I am pg with my 2nd child and all of a sudden I am grieving the loss of my mother (she died nearly 10 yrs ago and I've not cried for her for a few years) - partly because of the hormones, and partly because, well, because I miss her in new ways. But bound up with that is grief over my father and brother all over again - just as cremeeggs says, the grief can take many years to unfold, and that's normal and fine.
You have a huge weight of responsibility with all the roles you need to fulfil, and perhaps you feel that if you were to cave in to your grief now it would create far more chaos across all areas of your life. I certainly felt that, which is why I chose to postpone my grief for my brother. IME as long as you remain conscious that you are postponing the grieving process for practical reasons, (and it is essential to remain conscious of this), you should be able to deal with it bit by bit, at a pace that you can handle, and still stay mostly on top of all your other stuff. I say 'mostly' because you need to be kind to yourself and accept that you will get things wrong a lot. Also do talk to your manager at work and explain the pressure you're under; see if they can give you time off or at least treat you a bit more gently.
Do you have friends who can take your DD from time to time so that you can have time and space to yourself to do what you need to, or rest, or sleep, or go for country walks, etc.? This will be a lifeliine.
The other thing is (ohhh, there are so many issues!) how comfortable do you feel grieving with your DD - i.e. helping her to find ways to grieve? Someone I met said her young DD created a little 'shrine' to her grandfather when he died - I think she made it by throwing a blanket over two chairs, then put lots of lovely things inside which reminded her of him, or just stuff that she valued - a teddy bear, a flower, a favourite book - something like that. I think they also bought a new candle and lit it every night, then when it was finally burnt out the DD said she said something like felt that her grandfather was happy and she could let him go.
By helping your DD to grieve you can (a) teach her such important lessons about how normal death and grief are, and (b) enable yourself to grieve a little when you're with her.
Whereabouts in the country are you, whoosh? If you're anywhere near me I'd be more than happy to meet and buy you a coffee and some cake.