Its been five months and I just can't get over my dads death.

[yorkiemom]

I still can't accept that my dad has gone. This is absolutely mad, as I nursed my dad at the end, and watched him take his last breath.

Am I going crazy or will I never accept this? Some days I'm not too bad, then others I will cry and just feel totally bitter.

Would be very grateful if anyone can help mt out here.

Many thanks.

Hi dizzy, wishing you all the best for getting through mothers day. You are spot on about the day being about you celebrating being a mum to your lovely girls, and trying not to get too upset about your own mum.

Wishing you a good half term, mine are driving me crazy already !!

our half term was last week! DD1 had Wed, Thurs and Fri off and of course DH's shift started at 6.30 am on the Wed for 6 days!! she went back yesterday, quite happily but I actually like having her here as she is very good with her wee sisters even though she is only 5 we even had a little bit of snow so one day was a pyjama day and the next day we went out and played

I shall be expecting to be spoilt rotten frankly as it is Dh's weekend off in March AND I'm letting him have his mates over for the rugby the day before - shall have to drop some really heavy non subtle hints though as these things never really occur to DH!

have a feeling the house may be ruined and he may sleep through mothering sunday this year

yorkiemum, my father died at a similar age from pancreatic cancer. watching someone you love waste away and die is unbearable.

5 months is so early. it gets better, slowly. for me, the first year was the worst.
i used to worry that when it stopped hurting it would mean i had forgotten, but it doesn't. i still remember him, it just doesn't hurt to remember (most of the time, birthdays and anniversaries are different).

i remember looking at some man of my fathers age and wwondering why he was alive and well while my father was dying, then feeling bad for doing so. in hindsight, as catweazle says, it's normal.

hth

am so sorry for your loss missorinoco too

Can I ask you all, how did you want your DH to behave towards you?

My boyfriend was there at the end when his father died at home of cancer in early December. Over Christmas, there would be times when he was holding our baby son (who was only 12 weeks old when his grandfather died) with tears streaming down his face. And I could cope with that, because it was a tangible emotion.

Since then, though, I don't really know how to ask him how he's feeling. My dad lost his father last June and even my mum isn't sure what's going on in his head, or what to say, and they've been together over 30 years.

I ask, because he seems to have withdrawn from me, and in his defence just says "well, there has been stuff going on". I want him to say something like "I miss Dad every day" or something, anything, so I don't have to feel like I'm prying if I ask him if he's alright.

ClaraJo mine was a very different circumstance as I had DD3 three days after burying my mum. I told DH I was going to my bed to get bfing established and I didn't want to see/hear from anyone

his silent but constant support was appreciated and after reading your post I can only hope that he knew that just give him time to heal and make sure he knows that you're there for him too

missorino, I'm sorry you lost your dad too. Ihope you are doing ok at the moment and thank you for replying to me.

Clarajo it sounds as if you are doing everything you can, this is going to sound terrible now, but sometimes I even felt a bit resentful towards my dh as he still has his dad here and his dad is older than mine was. Thats awful is'nt t - I love my father-in-law he's a lovely man, so I hated feeling like this, and am very ashamed.

I think sometimes its harder for men to show their emotions, they think that they have to be strong.
If Ifeel like crying, then I can't help it, the tears just come, but your boyfriend might be trying to be too strong.
I agree with dizzy, just let him know you are there if he needs you.

Dizzy, you are too kind your husband owes you big time!! I agree about the non-tactful big hints, my dh would be just the same.

thank you for your kind words. sorry if i mislead you, it was 12 years ago.

clarajo, it was before i met my husband, but i remember appreciating people who brought it up and asked how i was doing, however close a friend. as an aside, it's almost a reflex for me to say "i'm fine" if people ask if i'm ok, one of those brain-mouth bypass things, so it may be worth trying something like "i know now is a tough time for you and i'm here for you if you need me". you may not get an answer but your point will be heard.

missorinoco, it makes no difference when it happened its still the loss of your Dad

missorinoco, like dizzy said it does'nt matter when, its still your dad x

Thank you for your answers. From reading the replies, I can see that I may have fallen into the trap of assuming that my BF knows I'm there for him. Selfishly, it's difficult when you thought you had a relationship where you could talk about anything, to feel that you are being shut out. My BF was very good at discussing his fears before his dad died, but now he seems to have clammed up - I miss how we were together.

Also, I was very interested to read yorkiemom's comment about feeling jealous. My mum (although younger than his dad) survived cancer last year, and has been given the all-clear. Maybe that's part of it too.

I know this is an ancient post but I have to let you know that your comment has massively helped me in the throws of grief. So relatable and true to how this feels. Thank you.