Head of Maternity Services 'phoned about enquiry into Bo 's stillbirth

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She 'phoned yesterday. I still hate the term "stillbirth" as it evokes images of a baby who died in utero well before delivery. Bo was termed a "peri-natal death" because he died in the minutes before he was delivered by CS.
I still find it incredibly difficult to talk in RL, that is why I spend so much time here with all of you. I'm not afraid to cry but I can't get the words out or make sense.
There will be a "review" by a panel of doctors and MW's at the end of this month. Apparently they go through my notes in detail looking at the care we received from the ante-natal period through to delivery. The ante-natal will provide interesting reading. I didn't see a consultant till I was 36 weeks pg. Remember this was a twin pg and therefore high risk. My attempts to contact the comm. MW's were largely unsuccesful. Wrong mob. 'phone no. given and over the Christmas period (when unable to speak to a human being, only answerphones, to get the correct number) I spoke to an old lady up North - owner of said wrong number- on a few occasions. Nice old lady BTW, had a good Christmas, but not a MW unfortunately.
My antenatal care was mainly provided by my GP (not a problem with a singleton and my GP was great but by her own admisssion not experienced enough to be sole provider for a twin pg)
My "care" when we got to hospital to be induced was shocking and fatal for Bo. I have revisited the scene in my head so many times. I am haunted by the feeling that I did not protest and shout loud enough to save him. I know that Elijah would also have died if I had not, when taken to theatre after my babies had been in distress for seven hours , told the anaesthetist to abandon his attempts to site spinal anaesthesia and "get these babies out alive NOW."
My rational voice tells me that I was in their care, they were the professionals and had a care of duty to me and my sons. I know that I could have been a woman who could not speak English and therefore could not have said anything.
I am a Registered Nurse, not a MW. I did 2 months of training as part of my course in a maternity unit in 1986 and yet even I knew that the CTG traces required immediate action.

I honestly felt Iwas losing my mind. I was lying there thinking "Something is going wrong here" and none of the staff present seemed to have any sense of urgency or comprehension of the nightmare scenario unfolding before my very eyes.
When I said to the doctor (senior reg) for the fourth time that I needed to go to theatre for a CS she stood there smiling and saying we would wait for my DH to come back. They'd sent him home - babies in distress - but they sent him home. We believed that they knew what they were doing, We felt things weren't right but assumed they knew something that we didn't.

Sorry. I'm not sure what this post set out to do. Thanks for listening.

Such sad stories on here earthmum, im horrified about the way you were treated, your story brought tears to my eyes , was there an enquiry? no oneknows your body like your self and when you are preg you know when something isnt right, I went to hospital 15 years ago because my baby wasnt moving, but intially was dismissed as a neurotic, however, they couldnt find a heartbeat and I waskept in overnight waiting for the scan which would show my baby boy was dead, indeed it did, i knew he was dead , the placenta had seperated slightly, yet when I had gone to the hospital a week previously with bleeding, they didnt scan me, they said it was a cervical erosion, But they wouldnt have saved him anyway... Jays mum your story is so sad..im glad you have your boys now.

Jaysmum, I knew from your posts about J that you were a special person - I had no idea you had gone through so much pain to get where you are.

earthmum - I'm so sorry.

So much sadness.

I just feel that someone somewhere needs to recognise this. I was kept in a side ward (doors shut and notices on my door to advise midwifes not to come in as they may cause more grief than the photographer already had, asking if my baby was here yet, her nurse change over asking me was I contracting yet and the bloody main MW asking to tell her if I was feeling any pain. F the pain I was feeling inside, the MD had a rota to keep to and that's their main priority) feeling like an alien, not being able to walk, move or fart for 3 weeks ain't funny. They need compasion back in the NHS and we girls need to find a way of getting it. Thank god I had support. I can only imagine what it mus be like for those who don't.

xxxxxxx

earthmum, when i had my stillbirth I wastold by a midwife that i was too young to be amother(17) and that i should go away and have another baby when i was older, lovely compassion, i still grieve even now 15 years later, despite my now lovely 4 children , however when i had a miss carriage nearly 2 weeks ago, i still wasnt really offered any support, just given a leaflet.

I know, it is appauling, who r these people to tell us how we should feel. Good 4 u 4 ur 4 by the way, battle on that's what I say. It takes a lot for us to carry on and as for the way we are treated, I wonder if they want to put us off??!?!?