My nephew (late twenties) died suddenly and unexpectedly on Friday night. Not a heavy thread - just asking for advice

[handlemecarefully]

I don't need messages of condolence or sympathy - it's hard to explain, but I don't see very much at all of my brother and his family (my brother is 14 years older and left home when I was 4 to go to Uni and never returned, so we are not close). I've been a crap aunt (became an aunt when I was 12 and wasn't interested at that point...and by the time I might have been interested I felt too much time had passed for me to arrive on the scene and call myself 'auntie') and not much of a sister either....

How can I support my brother and his family who lives 200 miles away? Is there anything practical and useful I can do?

I have 2 surviving neices and 1 nephew. They are all destroyed by this. The 'kids' (they are all young adults now) are very close to each other and their parents. I am practically a stranger to them (did see them recently at a family gathering, having not seen them for a few years, and was struck by how lovely they all are...and resolved to be better at keeping in touch)

Have rung my brother - it was heart wrenching listening to him trying to keep it together and failing. I probably said all the wrong crappy things on the phone...I don't think I can be much emotional support because I simply haven't been there as an aunt or a sister, but is there anything else I can do?

It has often perturbed me that families come together for a funeral.

If you were to invite 150 family members to a party then there would be excuses all over the place and about a third would come and yet people will bend over backwards for a funeral.

My Grandad would have loved his funeral. WE had such a great time and all the people he had known over the years were there.

So sad

I spoke to my parents about it and we organised a massive party on that basis. Dad's cousins came who he hadnt seen for 30years etc and we did have a great time.

About 2 months later one of his cousins was diagnosed with cancer and died shortly after and although Dad was sad, he was pleased to have seen her a few months earlier.

I really feel for you HMC and hope you can make a bond with your DB.

and I dont do hugs!!

Thanks for not doing hugs but making an exception

On a practical note, could you send them some ready meals from Cook or similar?

Keep in touch once the funeral is over - it is when everyone goes back to 'normality' that things sometimes get extra tough.

Sorry you all have had such a sad loss.