In April, my eldest.stepdaughter was killed. The police belive her partner, and the father of their 3 year old son killed her. He has pleaded not guilty and is being held on remand until his trial which is meant to be in October this year (all being well).
My husband, myself, my DH ex-wife and her partner are now sharing responsibility for raising our grandson.
We all believe DSD's partner is guilty as the evidence so far imparted by the police has been damning, and they are holding other pieces of evidence. But, obviously, there is always a chance he could be found not guilty.
We were guided by social services on how to explain DSD's death to DGS. So, all four of us, plus DSD's sisters, have been using the same kind of language to talk openly about her to her son, so that he knows he can talk about her and express his feelings if need be.
To that end, they provided us with a bespoke book with photos of the 2 of them, "Mummy and Son Story." He looks at it a lot. And I also put a big picture of him and his mummy in his room at ours for when he stays with us.
But so far, no one has been able to guide us as to how we should explain why his daddy is gone from his life. And recently, each time he sees his mummy's photo in his room, he has started asking me (only me, he doesn't ask anyone else for some reason) "where's daddy?" He does this while looking at the photo, so I have been answering "he's taking the photo," because that is the truth.
But I have a strong feeling that he is actually asking where his daddy is NOW. And I don't know what to say. Neither does my DH or his ex. We've asked social services for guidance, but communication with them has been Slow to awful and they don't seem to know either. We don't want to say the wrong thing, especially since we don't know what the outcome of the trial will be.
Does anyone have any advice or ideas where I can go for advice?