Strong waves of grief years later (stillbirth)

[Eldermilleniallyogii]

My first child was stillborn give years ago and while I feel fine most of the time and have another child now sometimes seeing something about babies will trigger me and I can feel like it's just happened.

Last night I was watching a film and scenes of the main character holding her newborn in hospital sent me right back there. I cried so hard I had to get up and go to the bathroom so as not to wake my DH. I felt like I was reliving it and remembering holding her, having to leave hospital without her, making the decision to have a post mortem done, the funeral, being on mat leave and that horrible alien feeling of being a mum without a baby and either making people feel uncomfortable if they asked if I had children or feeling guilt for pretending she didn't exist even if momentarily.

Yes. My maternal grandma’s first pregnancy was twins and she lost them both.

My paternal grandma had two boys who died of SIDS at about a year old, in between her living children.

My mother had a stillbirth at six months.

They all just powered on and I often think I couldn’t have done the same, but older generations were just more primed for baby loss, I suppose.