Did anyone elses family implode after traumatic death? Trigger warning mentions suicide.

[ToppKat]

Family member took their own life. Everyone devastated - then 6 months in rows begin, someone blamed and family members now estranged for nearly 4 years now.

Hey, my mum did the same last year. I just wanted to put my hand up and say you're not the only one this happened to. Feels like it sometimes, though.

So sorry your dad has been blamed. That's fucking awful. There was already a rupture in my mum's side of the family, so if they feel that way, we wouldn't hear about it anyway.

I am so sorry for everyone who has experienced this. The loss of someone you love is hard enough, and then the people who are closest to you let you down, and so many people do not realise the devastation caused.

When my ds died, our whole lives ended too. I feel as if we are in a living hell. Whilst ds was fighting for his life in ICU, my sister, mum and dad told my extended family members, most of whom I hadn't spoken to in years, that he had actually died. I suddenly started receiving premature condolence messages. My niece even announced it on social media (with ds's premature date of passing) which made it extremely traumatic for my other dc too. When I later called my sister, mum and dad out on it, they denied it (it could not have been anyone else), and said ds's death was because I had not brought up my dc in the Catholic faith seriously enough and that I had always been distant with them. My Dad thinks my ds brought shame on his family as my ds sadly took his life. They believe they did nothing wrong, and I daresay have a narrative where I am to blame as I don't speak to them anymore. They like to present themselves as fine upstanding members of the Church community too! Sadly a lot of our other extended family members are also silent. Luckily our friends are so much more supportive.

DH is a shell of who he used to be. He feels guilty if he ever feels happy about anything, goes out etc. He is acutely anxious over everything and if our other dc go out for the evening we can't sleep. We can only get off to sleep with the TV on. Our other dc struggle with sleep too. We all suffer from PTSD. My other dc have all suffered sadly too. Their education has taken a nose dive and relationships for them are tricky. Our confidence and self esteem in most things is at rock bottom. DD will crumble easily when any minor thing goes wrong.

I don't think a lot of people can cope with the pain. The only silver lining is that the people who do stick around are honestly worth their weight in gold. You truly and honestly find out what people are really like and how genuine they are. Whilst I have lost my extended family and some friends too, I do feel lucky to have the amazing network of friends that are still here and also realise people for what they truly are.

So sorry @ToppKat X same happened to my family. Sibling died by suicide and it set off ripples we've never recovered from. Some parts of family closer, others estranged. It delayed my grieving process by years. Some people's behaviour was incomprehensible. But then the death was incomprehensible so ... Take care x

I am so sorry @Roseam that you have lost your beautiful son and for the painful struggles your other children are enduring. Its disgusting that your niece's first reaction was to jump on social media with the wrong message - its incomprehensible.

So sorry to hear these stories. It really is heartbreaking. When my Dad died suddenly last year I naively thought it would bring our family closer together but it has done the complete opposite. My aunt who he lived with has been vile and is controlling all if his belongings shutting everyone out even his wife. We really don't want to go through solicitors but feel like we have no choice. It's just all so sad.

I definitely think family conflict after death is taboo and makes the grieving process so much harder.

we had a traumatic childhood, my mum passed when i was 15. we just about managed to get by with my dad being the glue until he passed 20 years later.

and that was the end of our family. as soon as dad passed, it was arguement after arguement, disagreement and bitterness from all corners until we all went our separate ways.

i'm told this is very normal when you have been brought up in traumatic circumstances, its easier to deal with the trauma if you are not being reminded of it everytime you see family.

Such a shame. I feel like this will happen with us. I have to accept that it's the end for our family now and just stay strong for my children and not let all the drama and disagreements give me a mental breakdown.

I’m sorry this has happened to you.
When my sister cut me out of her life at my daughter’s funeral I was too distraught at losing my beloved girl to think about it. Now I have accepted that my sister and her family are no longer there for me.
I have thought about getting in touch but I am not the same person now. I know that my daughter would say ‘leave it Mum ..she’s not worth it’ and she would be right. I think people like her and your family must have very deep issues to be so cruel and we can live a good life without them. Hold on to those who truly love you ❤️

We had got on okay before though I was bullied by her as a child. I let my grandson decide what he wanted for his mums funeral and she disagreed with the arrangements.