Viewing a loved one after death.

[sleeptight1]

My Mum passed away suddenly on the 3rd April 2024. As it was sudden there had to be a post mortem. I remember at the time scouring this website and online, looking to read people's experiences of viewing their loved ones after death, to help me decide if it was something I was going to do.

I thought I would share my experience for anyone in the future who wants to read someone else's experience to help them make up their mind what is the best decision for them. If anybody else wants to add their experience please feel free.

I found my Mum unresponsive in bed. It could have happned at any point from 1 minute to 60 minutes to me finding her.She was collected and taken to the funeral home 2 hours later. On the 5th April she was transported to the hospital for the post mortem which was carried out on 10th April.
She arrived back at the funeral directors on 16th April and I didn't view her until 29th April - so 3 weeks and 5 days after death.

I was very pleased that I went to see her. I had provided clothing for her to wear and a photo of how she looked in life. She looked completely peaceful. She had physical disabilities that that worsened and I didn't realise how pinched with discomfort here face had become, until i saw her in the reflection room. I touched her face and hands. I had dressed her in a smart coatigan that she wore when we went to the theatre in the winter with a cashmere scarf and when I touched her arms and felt the fabric, it felt just like I did when I would transport her from her wheelchair to her theatre seat. I cried...but I felt better.

Her mouth looked slightly different as I think they have to pack it with cotton due to post mortem changes but it was still my mum and it didn't spoil how she looked. She had a coffin made from Banana leaf...she would have liked that.

I had been really worried that as it was 3 week before she was embalmed, I would be unable to see her. Embalmers are truly unsung heroes. They made her look lovely.What an amazing job it must be when you know you can bring comfort to families like this?

The last time I had seen her was on her bedroom floor, in her underwear, looking almost traumatised from the Interventions from the paramedics (not their fault - they tried to bring her back). I am glad though that this was not my last vision of my Mum. Although my days are still like a rollercoaster, seeing her did give me a sense of peace for a day. Hope you make the right decision for you.

I didn't view my DM as she died quite suddenly and I wanted to remember her as she was the last time I saw her a few days earlier, well and happy in her care home.

I did go to the hospital to see my DF and he looked just the same as he had when I had been with him the previous evening.

I'm pleased that your experience was a good one OP, and that it has given you peace. However I would say to anyone else that you should do what you want to and feel comfortable with.

When I viewed my mum a week after her death, she did look different though I felt it was an absence of her 'soul' or however we describe the essence of someone. Her physical body was there but not a sense of who she really was, which was comforting in a way because it confirmed for me that her body had become sick and worn out (she died of cancer) but that her body was the vessel, not 'her.' It definitely made me feel that she lives on in her children, our lives and in the natural world around us.