How to dispose a deceased friend's belongings in her empty flat - family abroad

[advicespls]

Firstly, want to say sorry for posting it here. It's a very particular request and I'm not sure where otherwise to get advice.

A friend of mine passed away last year. Her family is abroad and unable to carry out any disposal activities.

I've been assisting in a few admin things. So they came to me to ask how to dispose her belongings. I don't think there's anything collectable or valuable other than usual household stuff. The family is going through legal procedures and will receive the probate in due course. Then they plan to sell the flat.

I have no idea how to suggest, apart from I don't think they can manage to sell anything without someone taking time to do it (I wouldn't want to get involved.)

Does anyone know how to handle in a situation like this please?

I think the family could get a house clearance place to come out and clear out the entire flat. The family pay a fee, the company take everything away, job done.

@rustlerwaiter That's the only way I think feasible. Thanks.

I feel bad for them that so many sentimental things will just be gone.

Can no one come over to see if there is anything sentimental they want to keep before going straight to clearance?

It would be ideal.

But they don't have anyone close to do it and I don't want to get involved myself - It had a real effect on my mental health last year and nearly pushed me into depression due to the death of this friend. Took me months to get out from the pit. I really don't think I can go through it. Plus I don't know what could be sentimental to them.

It's not long since we cleared out DM's flat and what is sentimental is completely subjective. DB didn't really want to keep anything. DS kept some things and I struggled to let a lot go.

If the family really wanted to keep anything special they have the option of visiting and going through belongings before clearing the place out. Maybe they don't think anything there is sentimental enough to warrant that visit.

Who is the executor? Its their responsibility.

If its yours, house clearance company, but the payment is not your responsibility either.

I can't imagine what your late friend's family think is going to happen?

Of course there are house clearance companies - they charge a fee.

Some of the better furniture could go to a charity that collects, like Emmaus or The British Heart Foundation. But someone - presumably you - would have to organise that.

Someone from her family needs to come over and take responsibility. Make it clear that you've having no further involvement.

You’re kind but it’s not your responsibility.

They can do it themselves or they can pay a clearance company. It’s their call.

Not, I'm not the executor and I don't know who is now. But they had a real problem with the one my friend designated - a very unwise choice who blackmailed them and cashed in massively to agree release the legal role to someone else. Shame to those people who made money on dead friend.

Bluntly, if they don't care about it enough to come over and go through the flat themselves, and they didn't know her well enough to make requests for something particular to remember her by, that's on them.

You could definitely draw a boundary and say you don't think it's appropriate for you to be involved (or just that you can't be involved any further) and direct them to a house clearance firm.

I don't have the heart to say no. If anything to do with just provide information/local google search, I'm willing to put my time in. But don't want to get involved too deeply, as it's way too complicated than I could handle. Plus the emotional toll.

They can do a Google search - there are plenty of house clearance companies, I used one and they were very sensitive (dealing with bereaved families is of course a regular thing for them). They were also exceptionally fast, and cheap because much of the stuff they take will have a resale or recycling value.

I think The British Heart Foundation do some sort of house clearance service? I'm just going to double check my facts on that .....

I'm assuming you're in the UK @advicespls -
https://www.bhf.org.uk/shop/donating-goods/house-clearance?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA84CvBhCaARIsAMkAvkK4BCcr3CJPOHojjVUeValOY2ygm_LO9T0i7uojD1v-VmbvamWz_UAaAsyeEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Obviously i have no idea at all about what kind of a person your friend was but I appreciate you were close.
So I wonder if in future you would regret not having a small memento or two, or any photos of them?

That's if you could bear to go into the property, of course. If you think you might I would ask the executor or the family for permission and perhaps offer to collect any items for them, possibly heirlooms or valuables, before the house clearance?
Of course, it would be sad -- but also it might be helpful for you in a strange way.

https://www.bhf.org.uk/shop/donating-goods/book-furniture-collection-near-me

British heart foundation has a free collectuon service.

@AhhhThereWeAreThen@Stickyricepudding Sent them the link of British Heart Foundation. Would better use them , if they pick this path.

But got a vibe that they really want to recover some financially. They are not wealthy family and my friend's brother supported her for the deposit of the flat and probably a lot more when she just landed. I can understand that, but it became a bit frustrating! It's just not practical at all when they are not here!

I think that if the family aren't inclined to come over then then best thing might just be a complete house clearance and then the job is done.

Charities like BHF are quite picky about what they will accept ( rightly so, they want to sell it for a profit, not to do anyone a favour). When we downsized I was quite surprised at what they wanted and rejected, they have a very clear idea of what can be resold.

A house clearance service is the only efficient way of completely clearing a house (yes, done that too). The ones I used were very pleasant in their dealings, they didn’t go in and chuck stuff around ( at least, not when I was there).

It’s the executor’s responsibility and their legal duty OP.Don’t beat yourself up over what is not your problem 💐

Suggest that when they put the house up for sale they price it at a rate where it would be sold "as is, with contents". Someone might be happy to arrange a clearing company once they get the keys, if it knocks a few £££ off their buy price.

This really isn't your problem OP. If they are not able to come here then they need to use a house clearance firm. If you wanted to you could spend half an hour finding a couple of local options. Please don't feel bad about this, they won't have your welfare in mind, not because they are unkind, but just because they are not aware of the impact on you

This. My friend who is a paralegal does this on behalf of the law firm she works for. It comes under executor’s responsibility.

Would they consider having it emptied into a self storage unit? Some are not too expensive, and then if they have time in the future they can retrieve what they want from the unit?

It’s really not your responsibility OP and if they are particular about how it’s done they need to put in a request to the executor or come and help clear out themselves.

you’re not a beneficiary of the proceeds of the sale of the house and you’re not the executor so, kindly, draw a boundary here and take a step back.

by all means send them links to house clearance firms. As previously noted BHF and others are particular about what they take. Having been involved in clearing out a deceased person’s house a few times now, it’s a massive undertaking - but I couldn’t imagine putting that on someone who wasn’t family / a beneficiary / an executor.

This would require someone to be there and take responsibility for sorting out what they can collect.

The BHF were extremely picky when my MIL died. She had an immaculate home, looking like a show home but they refused to take some items as they "don't take painted furniture".

These weren't items that had been ineptly upcycled, they were expensive tems with a "painted" finish that were only a couple of years old .

If the relatives can't be bothered to come over to sort it and don't seem to want sentimental items then why care about how they dispose of things? At the end of the day anyone sorting it for them is just saving them money and adding to their inheritance.

By the way, I once helped a friend empty a deceased mutual friend's flat as the council had given a very short deadline to vacate it.

Her nephew didn't want anything at all not even the sentimental stuff and had already started emptying cupboards and chucking things down the rubbish chute before he left my friend to clear the rest of it, saying she could take anything she wanted.

It was heartbreaking looking at her wedding photos etc that hadn't been wanted. As we went through things I discovered a bunch of £20 notes taped to the underside of a sewing machine. We then found more money in a cushion and in a container in the freezer amongst other places. This lady hadn't had much and had worked long hours sewing clothes in the clothing industry. Nevertheless she had squirrelled away a decent sum of money but hadn't told anyone about it. I hate to think how much ended up down the rubbish chute.

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen @Wishlist99 Thanks for the warning. Really an important note!