Going back to work after loss

[Fedupofdiets]

Hi all I lost my Dad 3 weeks ago to mulit-organ failure due to sepsis. I am an NHS nurse and have found the experience traumatic and so very painful. Funeral next week. I started a new role 3 months ago (been in the NHS 25 years) and whilst the team are supportive it is a high pressure role of which I am the lead (new service recently set up). Work gave me a weeks compassionate leave and GP has signed me off for a month so 5 weeks in total. I am just dreading returning, my brain is not functioning and I see patients everyday and have to be on top form. How long is too long to be off? I know my GP would just sign me off again, I have full pay for up to 6 months so not worried about money. How did you get back into work when your head (and heart) is not there? TIA

Most people will suffer the loss of a parent or parents during their working lives. I would have thought 2 weeks plus some days off for the funeral seems reasonable.

Thank you all for sharing your experience. Grief is very personal isn't it and everybody handles it differently. I feel dreadfully sorry for those who had to return with little leave due to money, it is so wrong. I have decided to see how I feel after the funeral because at the minute I can't seem to think beyond it. Yes everybody loses a parent at some point but that fact doesn't make it one jot easier when it does, especially if they had a bad death.

This is very callous.. my mam died at Christmas very suddenly and unexpectedly... shortly afterwards my dad was hospitalised and almost died and in that same period of time my husband left me..

My mams body wasn't released to the funeral home for 4 weeks due to her needing a post mortem, due to her dying at Christmas there was also a delay in organising her funeral so it was 6 weeks after she died that we held her funeral.

I had a sicknote for another two weeks at least after the funeral but actually the funeral was closure and really helped with my grief.

I did the same, I thought I would feel worse after my mams funeral but actually I felt a relief...

When is the funeral? You are in my thoughts

@Mammyloveswine Thank you and I am very sorry you have been down this path too. I can only imagine that @LindorDoubleChoc has not lost a parent or this went into trending, reading a flippant response on this board isnt something I have seen luckily it seems like a safe space. Funeral was yesterday, it was very moving. Both my parents are Christians and have been at the same Pentecostal church for over 30 years, over 150 people attended and the singing and music was uplifting. We all managed to get up and say our tributes to Dad, I did myself proud as I had given my words to the Pastor to say but did it myself. Have woken up with a heavy heart today though and am just not sure how to piece things back together - I still have 2 weeks off from work and am going to reach out to occupational health for counselling, I am worried for myself because I feel so low and anxious

I spent a couple of weeks crying in my car o. Journeys to and from work. Worst time of my life.

I had two or 3 weeks and went back after the funeral.

For me it helped being back at work but I did have my moments of being too upset to work so had a few odd days off after that.

It's so hard because everyone grieves on a different time scale . I found that time off helpful to process my feelings but after that I wanted some sense of normality and routine.

Big hugs xxx

P.s in reply to the other poster, yes adults do lose their parents but circumstances vary and can be very traumatic and sudden. Compassion is needed ❤️

Same. Grief comes in waves and sometimes you need to let it out.

I needed up being off three weeks when dad died. One on compassionate from work and two signed off.

i found work helped after the funeral was done and I had really supportive colleagues which was good.

im sorry for your loss.

I went back after two weeks as that was the end of half term (work in education) then had another day of for the non-funeral (private cremation, no attendees complying with Dads wishes) so didn't ever have the closure of a funeral.

Tbh I don't think there is ever enough time and getting back to work have some structure to my days and a distraction to immerse myself in from the pain. There were lots of tears - usually when someone said something kind, but I felt better for being at work even though I didn't want to be.

Take as much time as you need.

I’m almost a year since I lost my dad, I’m also AnHA and work with bereaved children and their families. I was off for 8 weeks and have really struggled at work to manage my own emotions. It Comoros be draining which leaves me utterly exhausted. The problem is when you’re at work doing your thing the patients expect you to be on form every time. The pressure is exhausting. I am taking a week sick for the actual anniversary as I know I will be unable to perform.
Big hugs to you and I would say do not rush back

Sorry should read also NHS, also no idea what Comoros is🥴 should read constantly

Thank you all for sharing your experiences it doe shelp to get different perspectives. @giggly I know what you mean, my worry is once I am back then I am saying I am well enough to be there and there will be no compensation for how I am feeling of course I need to be on top form. I said before it is a brand new team and I am the lead for it, I know new staff have started since I went off. I know they will be looking at me for leadership and I am scared if I am honest because my brain cannot think of anything else and I am lacking confidence. It took all my strength to do a pile of ironing yesterday, I am finding the grief exhausting waking up most days at 4am. I do have to make a lot of clinical decisions and I am concerned about missing things that could lead me into trouble.

I can't help but wonder though do I need to make a physical effort to start 'getting over' this or will it happen naturally with time? Will going back to work be a helpful distraction or will it be all too much? I just don't know, I don't want my new employers to think I am flakey and taking advantage of the situation by being off for longer.

My dm died last year so I'm really feeling for you ❤️
I too dreaded going back to work but I found throwing myself back into with the support of my colleagues was the best thing for me.
I work in a technical role and need to be on the ball.
Getting over the initial dread of walking through the door and overthinking it was the worst part.
Bite the bullet, hopefully it'll give you another focus, being busy, caring for your patients.
Good luck