Why am I not feeling it?

[emmie72]

My husband died 10 days ago. It was expected, he was terminally ill but it came quite quickly at the end.
I thought when it happened, I would be inconsolable, in floods of tears and not able or willing to do anything. However, I'm strangely ok. I have had some crying sessions, particularly in the first few days but I'm now busy sorting out the funeral and notifying all the companies that need to know. We haven't had the funeral yet but I'm already thinking about going back to my art classes, meeting up with friends and even going back to work. I'm looking into groups that I can join to build a social life. What's wrong with me, am I in denial or did I not love him as much as I thought?

I've learned in the last six weeks of mum passing is to just roll with it. I've been through days of 'forgetting' to being inconsolable the next. I think it really like the waves that people describe it as, high troughs where life feels normal to down troughs where everything hits hard - and like a storm these aren't predictable. The weeks between death and funeral where so much has to be sorted and organised are definitely unique and there is no right or wrong. Just accept your feelings whatever they may bring and go with them, there is no fighting.

As PP have said. I think you start the grieving process long before the person actually dies. @emmie72

I think sometimes you just park your grief because it's too hard to bear. There is no right way to deal with grief. I'm so sorry for your loss but how ever you get through it is ok x

Mine died six weeks ago and it's just hit me ☹️

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is very different for each individual, go with however you feel each day. It may be on hold for you until after the funeral and when the essentials have been dealt with or not. I am 3 1/2 months in after losing my Mum. I still have not had the outpouring of grief which I expected, haven't sobbed but shed an occasional tear. She had a form of cancer for 10 years and I saw her start to decline about a month before she died and that is when I wrote her eulogy. Perhaps anticipatory grief helps after the inevitable for some and for others not. Take good care of yourself and take each day as it comes. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I agree with others who said that everyone grieves differently, I would add that every loss feels different. I've had two bereavements, one awful and devastating (brother) and the other oddly OK (Dad). My father's death was very much expected, so when it happened I just felt relieved that I didn't have to dread it any longer. I had been grieving for years, and his death was just like a full stop. This was five years ago, and I still haven't been 'hit' by it in any way. My brother's death, five years previously, tore me to pieces. Grief is a strange thing.

When my grandma died last year i felt relieved as she had been terminally ill for some time. It hit me like a train when my mum ended up in hospital. I started having panic attacks and i had flashbacks of finding out that my grandma was dead. Ialso convinced myself that my mum would die in hospital. When my granddad died i didn't cry for a year. I was on holiday last march i turned the news on and they said that it was the aniversary of the lock down and i just broke down in tears.