How do you cope with the sudden loss of a parent?

[josben]

Lost my dad suddenly 2 1/2 weeks weeks ago - i still can't believe it and am feeling bitter and and angry....

He died suddenly of respiratory failure,... but i still feel like we could have done something more..... How can i stop feeling like this ?

i really don't know how you do it.
i have the task of preparing our three kids who have autism that their lovely Dad is going to die, i am struggling with it.

looking after my mum helped me through the initial shock of my dad dying in an accident when he was 52.my mum couldn't eat/function because of the shock so i focussed on her.
I got some books from waterstones about losing a parent a bit later because i was 24 and i didn't know anyone i could talk to with a similar experience- i'm sorry i can't recall which because i passed them on, but they mainly helped because i felt better knowing it happened to other people and they were upset too(obviously and rightly the focus was on my mum) but life eventually went on for them.
i was angry for a while, but his love was dangerous sports and so he died doing what he loved and there's not much point holding onto anger or worrying about what wasn't said.
it's been 9 years and i cry rarely now and appreciate seeing him in my children - who he never knew.
i hope you have support and care.

time is the only thing that helps. My dad died of a heart attack when I was 18 - very sudden. You just carry on as best you can and deal with the waves of grief and anger as they come (usually triggered by totally unexpected things) and gradually over time they lessen.

Josben, I'm very sorry for your loss.

I don't really know how you can stop feeling as you do, as everyne else says I think it's just a time thing.

My mum died 10 weeks ago, 8 days after my dd was born. I am actually feeling worse now than I was a few weeks ago as I think I was just in shock for a long time. I was unable to be with my family or go to the funeral as I am in NZ, she was in UK, I had an emergency CS and a serious infection afterwards and was told there was no way I should be flying for 24 hours.

She died in a car accident, so a complete shock, her car was hit at great speed by one driven by a 17 year old who was (allegedly) on his mobile phone.

Some days I feel very angry, guilty, shocked, horrified. Ohter days I try to think about what a great life she had and how lucky I was to have such a fantastic mum. I try to remind myself that the last thing she would want is me to be suffering - she would want me to be enjoying my lovely baby.

I'm sorry I have no real practical advice, I just wanted to let you know I really know what you are going through. Grief is a very lonely thing - I feel so alone, even though dh and friends try to support me.

My mum died a year ago - the anniversary of her death was last Thursday, and I have found myself so tearful and emotional over the last week. It's helpful reading how others are feeling, because I feel quite isolated. I have 2 sisters, but we've hardly shared anything more than discussions over practical stuff, rather than feelings.
I'm usually distracted by my dd, today when she's out all day with her dad, I feel so sad. Seeing mother's day things everywhere makes it hard, as everytime I see displays I think "but I don't have 1 now".
I try and find positive things - no suffering, died at home, it was peaceful etc. But I struggle with wondering if anything could have been done, and guilt. She caught the cold me and dd had, took my mum and dd to the dr on Monday, dr thought both ok - she died wednesday morning, waiting for the gp to come out as her breathing was laboured - turns out was a pulmonary abscess secondary to pneumonia. I thought I should have called an ambulance instead of the gp, but have been told she'd no doubt just have died waiting in a&e instead which would have been worse. But it's hard not to feel responsible.

Sorry for long post, I just needed to let it all out really

I have found this post thread a big help. My mum died 2 years ago in May. Sometimes I feel Ok, sometimes I can't stop crying..it just seems to hijack you out of nowehere. in fact I am probably crying more than I did at first.

Am sorry for OP and all bereaved daughters on here, it is just so sad . However what I find helpful is going to graveyard and looking at all graves of people from yeras ago. It makes me realise that it happens to every single person and is part of the circle of life, somehow this seems to put it all into perspective. I think somehow it has made me less scared of dying as well.

Thinking of everyone on here

Splish splosh, so understand that isolation...

You're right Fizzbuzz, it does seem to hijack you - my tears just suddenly spring up unexpectedly at the moment. And anything about bereavement makes me cry too. I too seem to be crying more now than ever. Maybe it's pg hormones adding to it all.

It's happened to lots of us, yet in rl it feels like most people still have their mums. If I mwntion it to people in rl, they say how sorry they are, then that's it - I don't really talk about it properly, and feel awkward about getting all emotional.

Thinking of erveryone else who's struggling with this x

Hi Jospen, I am sorry for your loss.
I lost my Dad suddenly just over a year ago, and my Mum from cancer 12 weeks later. I felt very angry with Dad for just leaving me without saying goodbye and to leave me to care for my terminally ill mother. I spent most of the year coping - sorting out the paperwork etc - I even had to complete their tax returns! It is only recently that a friend helped me to realise that soldiering on wasn't actually helping and that I was entitled to grieve - and to say the words 'I can't cope'. Friends and colleagues can be fantastic when they know that they're allowed in and that they can do something to help. If I could offer any advice then it would be not to stop yourself from grieving and to find space and time for your feelings. This is so hard with children and other commitments to fit in too. It is just passed a year since my Mum died. At the time I described the pain as their being a mum and dad shaped hole in my heart and there was nothing else that shaped that could fill it. Over a year, the edges of that hole have begun to be less sharp,
my thoughts are with you, I don't know whether the pain becomes easier or if you just get better at living with it.
{{{{{}}}}}

time - cliched but true.

And accept that grief is odd- it hits you at unexpected times and over unexpected things.

If you have a pet - it can help talking to them - my mum often used to disappear down to the bedroom with the dog - she used to talk to her and hug her and cry into her fur.

Have a good cry when need - then pick yourself up and get on with things.

My dad died of a heart attack when I was 18 - it doesn't upset me now (at 40) but it makes me very wistful at times for what might have been.

Thanks for your posts. I'm feeling a bit numb now really, being back at work and looking after 3 young DC's - I sometimes don't feel I have time to even think or grieve...
Me and my Mum have a bit of a cry when we're together and we are going to A & E next week to talk to them about what happened and why Dad went so quickly and unexpectedly - I just hope that talking to the nurses will help my Mum to stop reproaching herself about 'looking after Dad enough' and not ringing the hospital earlier etc.

I'm feeling so tired and a bit run down, mouth ulcers, sore throat. Its 9 weeks ago tommorrow that my Dad died and I think that trying to go back to 'normal'living is catching up with me...