Why is it all so difficult and why does it take so long?

[LakieLady]

My beloved partner died, shockingly suddenly, on Monday.

I'm stuck in a dreadful limbo, currently waiting to hear if the coroner will issue the medical certificate or whether they'll want a post-mortem. Then there's often quite a wait before you can get the death certificate, although I believe this is being done electronically at the moment, so may actually be a little quicker.

Until we can register the death, we can't get on with anything - freezing his bank account, arranging the funeral, any of it.

I'm in bits, and I desperately need to do displacement activity, but there's nothing I can do. It's like being in limbo.

It really feels as though it's prolonging all the distress.

Oh Lakie, I am so very sorry to read your sad news. I've only just seen this thread.

((((HUG))))

What a terrible shock for you.

I like 'Disorder of Service' very fitting!

💕

My Dad died of a sudden & massive heart attack. I'd say all of those feelings were 'normal'. Shock/panic attack/scared, but don't hesitate to see your GP or call for help if you feel you need to xx

Lakie, please call your GP tomorrow morning and ask for an appointment (or a phone consultation). These symptoms may very well be "normal" but it's definitely worth checking with a medical professional and your GP may be able to help. Please do it and let us know how you are.

There is no normal reaction the shock of losing him suddenly will cause all sorts of upset.
Try get a phone consultation tomorrow just for peace of mind.

I spoke to the GP last week and she gave me a few valium, but only 2mg, iirc and only 14 of them.

Even 2 don't really take the edge off, tbh.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Reading here as my two year old daughter died on Friday morning and we're also in limbo. She's having an autopsy but so far has not been moved from the local hospital and we have no timeline, nothing to get on with, just pain and numbness and loss and it's fucking dreadful. I know you're going through the same. I am here if you need to vent or scream or just be heard

2mg is a tiny amount I'd ask for something stronger.
Night all not recommended for longterm use are good.

@sobsanta I'm so sorry. 😪
I can't imagine how you are feeling. (Virtual hugs)

@sobsanta, my heart really does go out to you. To lose a child must be the worse thing imaginable. Actually, it's unimaginable.

Sending positive thoughts @LakieLady you are not alone and keep posting here if it helps you to process it all. I found looking back on my bereavement posts helpful some years later. {(((((((virtual hugs if you'd like some)))))))))

Two weeks on now and we had the funeral on Wednesday. With the help of some propanolol prescribed by a different GP, and some Zopiclone to help me sleep, I got through the service without breaking down. It was such a relief to get it over with.

I've been spending a couple of nights with DP's sister and her family, and the odd night at MILs, so have only been home for 2 consecutive nights at a time since he died. The bouts of falling apart, feeling sick and shakey etc are getting less frequent and briefer in duration. I'm finding it a bit easier to distract myself for short periods than I was.

It's still hellish, but I feel a lot calmer today than I have since he died.

Bless you, LakieLady.
It is all normal.
When my son died it was a year before I could sleep more than 2 or 3 hours at a time. I used to get up, have camomile tea, watch Netflix.
It was 2 years before I could read a book, I just couldn't hold the information in my head so couldn't follow the plot.

I am not saying all this to scare you, but to try to reassure you that little by little it gets a bit easier. I am now in a place where my memory has improved, I am more able to deal with day to day things.
If you can, try and reduce of delay anything that isn't really necessary. Don't make any big decisions for at least a year.

My grieving has been complicated by serious health problems. Try and eat as well as you can, go for a walk if you can. Even achieving small tasks helps.

Thanks, @endofthelinefinally.

I had been doing better, but yesterday and today I've been really low and weepy. And I'm missing him physically - really getting overwhelming urges just to hold him and hug him.

And I can't even hug someone else because of bloody Covid.