Miss my gorgeous friend so much today

[funkystars123]

Six months ago I got a message to say my best friend had died suddenly in the night.

She was 35, has two amazing children (13 and 5) and a fiancée.

They were getting married on 8th Feb 2020 and we were supposed to be dress shopping the week after she died (late as ever!)

But she went to sleep next to her fiancée and then just didn't wake up....

We have been friends since our girls were small, they danced together and we were dance mums, my girl is autistic and she was her biggest supporter- always loved her, the four of us did 'dancing' together.
We 'spoke' every day and she made me laugh so hard, she was no angel, but was funny, larger than life and a force of nature.

The girls have grown up together and we were looking forward to seeing them grow into young women together.

The last six months have been a blur... so much pain, grief and two kids with no mum. A man left broken with kids to look after and none of it is right.

I just miss her sooo much, I love the kids and will be there for them forever, but I am not their mum, I am not her. She is not coming back- ever.

How can we ever get through this?

I'm sure you're right - the grief is bad enough but the shock that you have all been through is just horrific.

It was really hard for my friend trying to come to terms with not seeing her DC grow up and worrying about how they would cope without her. But at least she had the chance to prepare them and tell them everything she wanted to tell them, so I'm sure that has helped them.

The bad days will keep coming I'm afraid. All you can do is try to be kind to yourself and accept that some days will be awful and you have to ride them out as best you can and wait to feel better. The first year especially, with everyone's first birthday without her, Christmas, the wedding date, her own birthday and anniversary of her death. All will be absolutely awful I'm sure.

Looking back I think I felt that I shouldn't complain because it was so much worse for her immediate family so I kept it all to myself and probably could have done with some support myself. If you can lean on your family or other friends that would be good. Letting other people help you would probably help you to be strong for her DP and DC too.

@AlfredoTheFrog

I think a lot about whether it would have been better or not to be able to know, for us I think it woukd, her DD really struggles with the fact that she just went (we all do) but for her ( my friend) I think if was a good thing. She never had to know she was leaving the kids and that is a comfort i think.

I have been feeling a big better recently, but today has floored me again. Probably cause the wedding day is now so near.

I think its the shock that just hits again and again....

I'm so sorry to hear this OP.

My best friend died of breast cancer 7 years ago, aged 45. She left a husband and DCs of 12 and 7.

It took many months for me to feel even vaguely normal. She died in March and I remember noticing around Christmas that I felt happy and relaxed for the first time. I still miss her and think about her and get upset about it - I haven't really had a best friend since and I miss having that kind of relationship. Like you I thought we would be friends for life and was looking forward to being old ladies together. I remember very clearly early on in our friendship thinking she was one to hang on to. She made me a better person I think. I was not expecting I would be telling her what she meant to me on the day that she died.

In some ways it was probably easier for us because we knew it was coming, but with that also came the heartache of watching it happen over several months and years.

But - things do eventually get easier for everyone. Her DH has a new partner and another child now. (Be prepared that you might feel weird about him moving on, even if you're happy for him!) I think / hope the children are ok too, although I don't see as much of them as I used to now that his family set up has changed.

It's a cliche but you just have to take each day as it comes and hang in there until you start to feel better. You will never be the same but the grief will become more manageable. I didn't have any bereavement counselling but it can be really useful.

It sounds like her family is lucky to have you looking out for them. You can only take care of each other as best you can until it gets easier.

Dad#

Sending you love OP I lost my day on Monday so I am in a bubble of grief myself.

But I feel you pain and I am so sorry about the lost of your beautiful friend

@wellhellohi thank you..

I have not been through this but you have my deepest sympathies. I have had a bit of a tailspin in my life recently though. All I can suggest is that you accept this is your new normal. It will get easier but it will take time. It's ok to grieve her.