Abusive grandparent who had no reason to be abusive (cushy life living off what he could abuse people for, manipulate, steal from. It didn't matter whoever they were etc) never happier unless hands and knees crawling drunk (no trigger for this just liked alcohol) for 60 plus years. Only stopped drinking when he broke his elbow whilst 8 times over the drink drive limit and he lost his nerve to go out and we wouldn't take him it.
We were emotionally blackmailed into being carers for him by social service social worker who told us we had a duty of care to him despite knowing the past and us not wanting to care for him or be involved for valid reasons of past physical, emotional and mental abuse . She lied to our faces and threatened us with the police insisting we could not walk away as we wanted to and we believed her at the time and cowtowed for further abuse. This has since been dealt with after a complaint once the care home he was finally accepted into (after the stress and upset caused me to have a heart attack 6 years later in mid twenties and has left my mum disabled through the sheer work load and stress from the age of 58) told us she had lied.
After a further horrendous 7.5 years whilst he was at the care home (6 managers in this time and lots of problems) he died yesterday in the early hours. I was present and was the one with him at the home as he passed (he was unconscious the entire time). I felt nothing as he went (even when I had to go get carer to come confirm it for me), nothing as the nurse came to certify it and take my details, nothing whist they were telling me they were sorry. I chatted quite happily with them and the staff until I could finally go home.
Its now just under 30 hours later and my mum and I aren't sad or upset, nor have we shed tears. We have actually celebrated in our own little way. We are cheerful and happy. Our wider family accept this and why and noone has put us down for this (at least not to our faces). The care home staff are the only ones who have shown any sadness or shed any tears. (due to staff turn over there are no staff who knew him as angry and active man he was when he arrived, they only know the little man he became who would smile at them and kiss their hands and let them hug him etc (though he did become violent agsin in last 6 months)
His death is to be certified today in just under 2 hours and then I shall be posting letters to the various people who need telling with the certified copies (letters that we actually prepared the week before knowing he was so poorly and had created in advance of his death to make this easier)
Is this going to hit us? Or are we just on quiet acceptance and this is how it will always be? I know its not my usual default as when my incredible dad and gran passed I was in bits and destroyed each time and I still feel the dagger in the heart each time even now.
Are we bad people for not being upset?