Wake costs

[Usernamewhat]

I'm after a bit of advice regarding wake arrangements please. My StepM passed away 10 days ago, leaving a brother and 2 stepchildren. Her brother is Executor of the estate but has not yet received a copy of the Will. It's possible my brother and I are beneficiaries of my Father's half share of their property but its likely that her brother will inherit all other assets.

Her brother has organised the funeral etc and has booked a local venue for the wake. I've offered to contribute £300 to the wake costs for cold platters on arrival, this is all I can afford at short notice (having just paid out for house maintenance and our family holiday) without using credit. I had anticipated 50 or so guests but SM brother has now informed me there are closer to 160. A well meaning family friend has advised that a lot of her hobby craft friends are attending and will be expecting a hot meal during the wake.

Is it possible for the probate solicitor to obtain funds from SM's account to contribute to wake costs now, rather than after the estate has paid out, as SM's brother is not in a position to fund drinks/hot food during the wake.

Please can someone let me know what the "done thing" is in terms of etiquette and costs? Thanks.

I work in a funeral home and arranging the wake is part of my job. The catering bill is added to the final funeral account which is then sent on to the family member who arranged the funeral or to the chosen solicitor, the catering is considered part of the funeral costs, not as a separate entity. I find that only around 2/3rds of the mourners will go to the wake, everyone appreciates a cuppa and a sandwich but most definitely not a meal. They're there to remember your loved one, share memories etc, not leave with a full belly. Your step uncle is being a CF, don't let yourself get dragged in.

Never mind the hot meal. I'm sure SM would have specified if this was important to her. Sandwiches, savouries, maybe some cake and tea/coffee. £300 should cover that.

My family are a family of feeders. Whenever we have an event, there's tons left over and binned. At my dad's funeral, we worked out a budget and gave it to the caterers. Yes, the buffet did run out, but you know what, in a very unlike us stance, we really didn't care. Dad had a "great" funeral, he'd have loved the love sent his way.

It's not about giving someone a meal, it's about congregating for a short time and expressing love, memories, condolences and leaving.

It will work our fine

things seem to have changed massively a wake used to be a small sherry on arrival then tea sandwiches and cake. nowadays seems to be a full range of alcohol and practically a banquet on offer no one dresses in black or wears hats shame really

The last 3 funerals I've been to have all been soup and steak pie and a free bar although they have all been family funerals, the ones before have been sandwiches.

Thanks very much everyone, really appreciate your replies.

User, I'm sorry but your SM's brother is trying to fleece you. Please don't let him or get into debt now you know the executor adds this to the bill, just don't go there and bounce that back at him, don't let him guilt you into being ripped off. And 'hot meal', my arse. It's a wake.

My H died recently (Jan 12th), his wake had sandwiches, rice & pasta salads, chips and tea/coffee, It was more than enough.