A colleague of mine lost her son a year ago and I'm quite shocked at the reaction of other colleagues who are supposed to be her "friends".

[sandyballs]

Her son, who was 25 and had some trouble with drugs, hung himself a year ago this week. His mum found him in his flat after failing to get hold of him all that weekend.
Everyone I work with was very very sympathetic and she had several weeks off work. However, when she came back everyone seemed to think she should have "got over it", "should have moved on".

She invited some people to mark the first anniversary of his death by attending their local church to hear a mass being said for him. No-one went and I overhead them talking about it today, thinking how odd it was that she should want to "rake it all up again" and how she should "put it to a corner of her mind and start living again". These are just a few of the comments I've been hearing .

The poor woman is a shadow of the person she used to be. I'm not particularly friendly with her, just know her on a work basis, but some of these people who are saying this are close mates, allegedly.

I was just sitting here thinking about it and wondering why they feel she can get over the loss of her son like someone would get over losing a handbag, or a cat. Some of these people don't have children, some do.

hi triplets i would love to talk to you my daughter and partner have just had genetic councelling and testing and got the all clear ,thank god as she is pregnant again,i hope and pray all goes well . the hospital thought my grandson could have had c f..and was due to be tested on 12 december but he left us on the 1st december,2006, people say you would not want him to suffer but anything is better than this test show he did not have cf

Hi Hazygirl,
I am interested in knowing more about the genetic testing, something we are about to find out about. I will cat you if thats ok?

Hi triplets, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you today, as I've often seen you post about Matthew but I didn't know before when the anniversary was and have just seen this thread. I'm not a regular hugger! - but sending a hug to you anyway.

hi triplets i do not know how to cat i am new to this help please x

so sorry for your friend sandy

My neighbour was once moaning to me about a woman who used to work with her. She was saying how this woman was getting all she could out of the government and that they'd raised money for her etc....
But this woman had lost a son to a brain tumour and he was around age 8. I remember thinking then how insular and uncaring she was. My exdh and I knew the dad of this boy and it had obviously devastated the family.
now the neighbour isn't so happy as her closest dd has emigrated to NZ. I don't wish her ill but to be honest don't really care.

Hi Hazygirl,
I have contacted you, but all you have to do is click on the envelope on the right by the MN name. Hope to hear from you soon.

This thread is making me cry so much and I haven't lost anyone.

How can people be so blase about such important losses? You grieve in your own way and sometimes it lasts all your life. That's just the way it is.

How very,very sad - possibly people find the idea of suicide quite difficult to think about and that's why they want to push it out of their minds. My brother died many years ago, he was 10 and had cancer, and my father still gives my mum flowers on the anniversary and I always remember him particularly on that day. I don't think you ever get over the death of a child. Even a grown up child - I remember going with my dad to tell my grandma,in her nineties,that her other son had died and feeling her utter desolation.

lots of love to you too triplets

It is awful to lose anyone - my dad died four years ago, and not a day goes by when I don't think of him.

But somehow to lose a child is against the natural order of things - and my heart goes out to you all.

ggg - you and your family often cross my mind. It must be unbelievably difficult for you all.

Triplets - I hope yesterday was ok, and that your trio were a big comfort.

Hi,
Thank you so much for your lovely messages, it does help as sadly so few people remember Matthews a/v. I never get a card from anyone in the family and my Mum even forgot it was yesterday. Cant be upset, she wouldnt do it on purpose, but oh, sometimes I just would love a hug from someone, no-one mentioned it at all. I suppose after 13 yrs its different for them. When we went to the cemetery I saw that my friends son had been buried across the path from Matthew, he died 3 weeks ago, motorbike accident, 2 days after his 18th birthday. Absolutely heartbreaking