Will the funereal director try to sell us stuff we don't want? What do I need to know?

[insadtimes]

My father died this weekend. We'll be meeting with the funeral directors as soon as we can this week.

I have lots of questions - can anyone help me with any of this?

I've heard that funeral directors sometimes try to sell you a bunch of stuff you don't need, is there truth in this - should I be wary of them selling us stuff?

When we meet them will they pressure us to make our minds up about choices like coffin on the spot or can we go away and think about it?

If we're doing cremation and not doing open casket, do we need to accept embalming?

What else will they ask us to make decisions on?

We've gone for the Co-op. I couldn't find any reviews online - has anyone used them?

We'd like to use a non-religious celebrant - I'm thinking it'd make sense to contact them before the funeral director so we know their availability before setting a date, is that right? (I have a list of celebrants to contact recommended by MNers).

I'd appreciate any advice. I'm slightly worried about getting bounced into decisions that suit the funeral director rather than us / my father.

The last 2 funerals I've been involved in planning were CO-OP then local firm.

They were much of a muchness. Neither tried to sell us anything. Both gave date choices arranged a celebrant who then came to our house to discuss the service

While I'm in Australia, many things aren't so different. My experience was not good, but still some things can be applied to any funeral arrangements. Look at what they offer and think can I do this myself/cheaper/better?

1. Book for people to sign - I didn't think of this, and the one they put out was cloyingly sentimental in design. You can get nice ones from Scribbler/Paperchase.

1. Collecting the ashes for you. They will charge. I did it with DD and it was both sweet, educational and cheaper.

1. No need for embalming if closed coffin.

1. Buy your own coffin. I did; it was way cheaper, better, and the FDs were hopping mad. Tough.

1. Check what the celebrant has to say- literally. Get them to email it to you to vet it. I was able to head off what I felt to be inappropriate.

Sorry for your loss, insadtimes, and good luck with the funeral arrangements. It is so important to feel you have done the best you can.

A lot of funeral homes will go out of their way - loaning money without interest etc. If you would prefer not to be sold to, just tell them.

I, and other family members, have used the co-op for funerals and found them to be excellent. They can offer you extras to make things easier for you but they will not push you to accept them if you want to do your own thing. I found them to be very respectful in all aspects of the planning and carrying out of the funeral.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My only advice, from when my own dear father died, is to think about what you are planning to with the ashes after the cremation. (I'm assuming from what you have written that this will be a cremation).

Our funeral directors were lovely and we weren't together enough to decide what exactly we wanted to do. So they stored the ashes for us for almost a year (there was a cost to this but it wasn't outrageous). But then when we were ready we told them we were going to scatter the ashes, so they gave them to us in a scattering tube. Mum was taken aback at first that it wasn't a traditional urn. Instead it was a large cardboard cylinder - but it makes it much easier to do the actual scattering. I'm guessing that the tube is a lot cheaper than an urn, so if you are planning to scatter, then do ask for this.