Do I see Dad in the chapel of rest

[whatisforteamum]

When Dad died I stated I wanted to see him one last time.unbeknown to me my DM and db saw him as they were there in his final hours.Db told me I could see him at the funeral home.
DM has now said she isn't keen on us seeing df.
She did admit db is going to see him again.I did want to see df resting after a horrible dying process that I witnessed.I do feel quite positive at the moment.
Would seeing him set me back again? Did you see your loved one and regret it.when dfil died I saw his body and couldn't get it out of my mind when he was buried.what do you think and did grief hit you more after the funeral?

The only thing i will say is and pp said it too there is no right or wrong in this you don't have to go and see him you don't need to say goodbye to him he won't look like himself and that could really stay with you

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's you grieving here, so YOU get to decide what you need to do to help you through. If you want to go, then go. Don't let other people try and impose a "right way to grieve" on you

Thank you sorry I double posted the same thing. I did see him near the end.I may ask if I can go in with the coffin closed and say goodbye to Dad xx

i went to see my grandpa, I felt it what the right thing to do, an old fashioned tradition. I found it an odd experience but comforting as it was very clear that he had gone, and only his earthly remains were on display. There's no right answer.

My other family member, I saw them just after they died, so I didn't go and view the body as I felt I'd already seen it.

I massively regret seeing my step mum. I don't think I will go see anyone else to be honest. She didn't look like her at all and the memory of what she looked like haunted me for awhile.

So sorry for your loss. Go with your gut instinct.

BTW we put stuff in the coffin, our kids drew her goodbye cards, we put in a little clutch bag she loved with green wine gums in that she loved. Seems silly now but at he time that was what we wanted.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

I didn't go and see DF in the funeral home. I thought about it but decided against after dh said he regretted seeing FIL as he felt it hadn't looked like him.

We were at the hospital very, very soon after DF died and I said my goodbyes then. He was still warm and looked very peaceful. I felt I would prefer that to be my last memory.

Everyone is different. Do what you feel is right for you.

As others have said, the right thing to do is personal to each individual.

I saw my Dad. I needed to. I spent some time with him, just him and me, me talking and being silent. It was what I needed to do at the time and I have no regrets.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a difficult decision and you have to do what is right for you. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

My dad died in January. My mum and I were with him as he died and as relatively peaceful as the process was I still found it quite traumatic. I had never seen anybody die before and kept having flashbacks.

I went to see him at the funeral home and, although he didn't really look like dad any more, he looked neat and tidy in his best suit with his hair combed just so and I slipped a fabric flower from my wedding dress into his pocket and said goodbye. I stopped having flashbacks after that.

My aunt wants to put a photo in the coffin DM thinks this is weird

My kids drew/coloured pictures for my dad, iirc my sister put in a photo. It's not hurting anyone and probably happens a lot.

From personal experience. I think doing this makes it final. This thought that we won't see them again and this is the last time. O me it was a sort of closure and I feel happy I did. I didn't feel this right away. Be kind to yourself and follow what your heart tells you.

I am so sorry for your loss
Grief is a very personal thing and only you know what would be best.

My mum died suddenly and I knew she had a fear of dying and knew she wouldn't look at peace, so I didn't go. Preferring to remember her as the happy proud mum I'd seen a fortnight previously.

My dad on the other hand, had cancer and I saw him up until the day before.
It was important for me to see him at peace and I'm so glad I did. It helped to give closure as I'd seen him poorly everyday for 6 months before his death.

You must do what you feel is right, I know I'd have regretted seeing my mum.

So sorry for your loss.

I didn't want to go and see my Dad in the funeral home. It was an extremely sudden and unexpected death.

I saw him last a month before he died and have good memories of the weekend I spent with him and Mum. I prefer to think of him from that weekend rather than in a coffin.

My sister did go and see him, she has never talked about it and I would never ask her.

I sat with my mum for days waiting for her to pass. I popped home and she went. I got the call from my sister and wasn't going to go back to the hospital as I wanted to remember her alive. I changed my mind and went back to the hospital as I felt I had to and I wanted to be with my dad and sister. I can't get the image of her lying in that bed cold, as white as a sheet out of my head. I don't regret it because I felt I needed to do it but the image I have is upsetting. I left the room within seconds. I couldnt handle it. I didn't visit the funeral parlour. I'll probably do the same with my dad when he pops his clogs because I'll feel I have to!

Sorry for your loss In my culture it's usual to visit after a death and see the person who has passed away. They usually don't look much like they did when they were living but they look 'peaceful ' Some people would find this upsetting and some people find it helpful but even if it is upsetting it can also be helpful if that makes sense.
Take care

I went to see my DF in the Chapel of Rest because my DM wanted to go and my DBro who was taking her wanted some support. I hadn't seen his for a couple of months before he died - he died very suddenly and although he looked like my Dad, he somehow didn't look the same.

When DM died, DBro asked if I wanted to go and see her, I said no - so he didn't go either. She had been ill for a few months and I had seen her regularly so I just didn't feel the need to go.

When my DD died, we were with her as she slipped away. We helped the nurses wash her and get her changed into some clean pyjamas and stayed with her for a few hours. We were offered the opportunity to move her body to special cold room at the childrens hospice and to spend some time with her. Some families do this and stay for days. We felt we had said our goodbyes when we left her at the hospital and after having seen my DF in a chapel of rest, I didn't feel that I wanted to see DD in that slightly bloated and cold state, so we declined.

It is up to each individual to do what feels right for them.

Just check if the Funeral Director charges extra per viewing if there are multiple visits as this may put the cost of the funeral bill up.

Bookworms, the FD takes instruction from whoever is the ‘Chief Mourner’ - usually the person who will be paying the bill - and if they don’t want someone to visit, they can instruct the FD not to let them in.

However, if it’s a close family member the FD will try and gently persuade, if possible.