How to help my very dear friend

[HiccupHaddockHorrendous]

My dear friend's eldest ds died yesterday.
I am so devastated for her and the rest of the family. I want to help but I don't know what to do. I don't want to push myself on them but I'd hate to think she was by herself.
I know I can't make it better but I feel I should do something.
Also, her in-laws live very close to me and I was going to call in on them but i don't want to intrude.
So very very sad for them all.

Talk to her about her son. There's always something that can "set" a person off, but it's not a bad thing, The crying, however intense, is not bad, so don't let its possibility hold you back from speaking to her and by doing this, let her respond as she will.

No-one asks me about my DH now.

Echt

One of my best friends died in November. Her DH (also a friend) lives over 100 miles away from me so we don't see each other that often but we chat online maybe one evening a week, about stuff in general but also about how he's doing & often share memories of her.

He said it helps.

Thank you both and so very sorry to hear about your own loses x

How is your friend doing?

IME trying to help a bereaved best friend, it was indeed to hard to judge what to do/offer and what might be over-stepping the mark. Things I learnt:

• Offer practical specifics rather than a vague (let me know...). Shows you mean it and saves them the trouble of thinking up tasks.
• Food.
• Talk about the person who died. Don't ignore the fact they existed and avoid talking, that's really hurtful. And talk about them in the coming months and years too - sharing memories, talking about them naturally in conversation.
• Make a note in your diary every year, in the weeks running up to the anniversary of their death and make a special effort to phone, text, arrange meet ups in those weeks.

MaryPlain

If she's feeling like that, then talking, as someone else said, may help, but also if you can, get her out into the fresh air, go and feed some ducks. Ask her if there is anything that, even for a minute, makes her feel a bit better. Make a list of those things, try to get her to agree to do one every day (this was advised to me by a psychologist, not specifically a grief situation, but depression).