My irritating, larger than life, generous and impossible father died this morning

[duchesse]

He fell ill on Thursday and went downhill so dramatically from yesterday morning that I didn't manage to get there (had to cross the Channel) until 3 hours after he'd died this morning at 7:30.

I'm sitting here in the middle of all his clutter and mess and stuff in his house and I can't believe he's gone.

Oh duchesse, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say, you must be spitting.

Actually this is almost funny. Family research has revealed that this dumping your first wife with the kids and finding someone else and then living a double life for decades has strong tradition in the male side of our family- five fucking generations of it, dating back to the mid 1800s. What a fucking cliché!, to (mis)quote that evil gran in Catherine Tate.

So basically, as I said to my stepmother, he has actually been denying us to some people for decades. I said this to my stepmother. "No, no she said, he just separated out the two parts of his life." And the difference is?

And she believes that she knows him best of all in the world. If he was separating out the two halves how could she? How could she know what was going on in the other half?

She should have said nothing and taken the crap, if there were any, on herself. She has just hurt me more than my father's death is already. I have a huge stone in my chest.

I know you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead and all that, but what a bastard. Even in death.

So sorry duchesse.
Have never understood how some people can compartmentalise their lives in this way.
You must be very hurt :(

Dire. It just adds to the stress.

agree with donkeys ^^

am sorry

((Squeeze)) from a sympathetic stranger.

Well, he's gone in the ground (well concrete shaft) now and the funeral passed without high-level funeral incident. My mother behaved impeccably and my stepmother was just quite weird and tried to take her hand all the time.

*diplomatic, not funeral

Good for your mother. Lot of high emotion understandably, stepmama couldn't really expect to orchestrate you all it's not as if you have anything to be ashamed of. IYSWIM I hope you can unwind a little now the funeral has taken place.

Good for your ma and doubtless you too.

Tbh it sounds as if he was well matched with your step ma. He may not have e actually denied you, he may have just slated over thin ice when she was around. He wouldn't see it as an issue.

Not sure I'm coping too well tbh. Am back in France trying to start to deal with my father's stuff and my DH's mother's boyfriend has now died. DH and I both away from home so DMIL was looking after older two DDs as they are in the middle of exams. So she was not there when her bf died. Not sure I can cope with this so soon after my father's death, nor with my stepmother wailing about 13 people at the dinner table on Easter day and that's why 2 of them are dead now.