Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

hatsy, it is like a double loss, feel I'm mourning more than my mum. will you be doing the school run tomorrow? take a hanky with you if you do, maybe you'll be surprised how nice and caring people are, I've found some people do surprise you, though not always in a good way!!

t875, glad the job is going well, hope the better days continue xx

hi to all of us here xxx

am writing this with a hangover - a good friend from school (who lost her Mum 5 years ago) invited me and the kids over after school yesterday - and before I knew it, it was 9 o'clock and we were 2 bottles of wine down.

that friend has talked a lot of sense as I've gone through the last 2 years - and she was full of very practical insights into the next few weeks as well.

ssd - the hanky tip is spot on. even the lovely breakfast club teacher knew and gave my arm a little squeeze as she asked how I was.

I still struggle to believe this has really happened. It shouldn't be me - it shouldn't have been her.

Hello all.hatsy I think people who have lost their mum are the only ones who truly understand how devastating it is.ssd I have posted on same thread as you, I think that is terrible if we are right and it's the accident concerning a house. And we think we have problems. Dosent seem to be getting as much support As I thought she would. Poor poor girl. Hi to everyone, been out in garden and for those of you who see significance in the robin, yes one did come along ! X

mummylin, I'm glad you saw a robin!!

no I don't feel that girl is getting much support, I think her thread isn't attracting much "traffic", if that's the word...absolute tragedy, as you say it put ours into perspective. I hope more people share her thread.

and hatsy, again I agree with mummylin, it really takes someone who has lost their mum to understand how we feel, glad you have a good friend there. x

mummylin - Glad you saw the robin, funnily enough i saw one too today!

ssd and hatsy I think this is very true I have found the most compassion is from the friends who have unfortunately lost, but then again ive had a family member not say one thing and they have lost too, so doesn't ring true with her!

Saw some shoes today in BHS which i thought oh mum you would like them wouldn't you!! Just shit it really is, she should be here getting them bloody shoes!! Soo unfair! The loss of her leaves me with a gaping emptiness some days!

My thoughts are with you all, biscuits, snowflake and anyone else. xx

Hi all, well I hope you have warmer weather than down here. It's freezing and now it's damn well raining as well. Too cold to do any gardening for me today. I have to report that all the plants I transferred from my mums garden are all thriving . I am happy about that and I know she would be too.it helps to keep her close to me as I feel I'm looking after them for her. Mum loved her gardening and amongst her gardening stuff I have just found some runner bean seeds, I'm not sure if they are any good but I'm going to try growing from them. Hope you Re all getting by day by day, that's all we can do really isn't it. Wish the huge void would go though. X

Ah that's nice that you found the beans mummylin. Hey maybe you were meant too!!

I know what you mean about the void. Yeah I get on but I hate it and wish she was here. Miss her loads. It's all still unbelievable! [ sad]
Hope your all going along ok as good as you can do. I could have killed my cat it ate the top ( leaves) off my strawberry plant!! Grr! Wasn't impressed I can tell ya!! Hope it still grows ok the leaves are at the bottom. We got it from. B and q and it didn't take atall last year this year it's gone mad!! X

Hi to you all x

I don't have strawberry s but I do have rhubarb ( mums plant I dug up ) that is growing nicely too. I wish people could come back each year like plants do.

my mum loved gardening too, she has strawberries and rhubarb and loads of plants. I noticed the council must have chopped down a big tree in our back garden she grew which my dad made a bird box for, we used to watch the young birds coming in and out of it.

Am wondering when the huge void will go too xxx

Hi all

Ive been feeling a bit low the last few days. I have recently stopped breastfeeding. I have loved it and was upset to stop but dd bit me so badly on a few occasions that it became impossible. My last bf experience wasn't pleasant and I feel it's such a sad way to end such a lovely experience.

I have since felt weepy and very emotional. I'm sure the change in hormones won't have helped.

I'm also due back in work part time in a months time which I am dreading. The longest I've left dd is a couple of hours. We have a couple of settling in sessions booked in with nursery but I'm dreading it. We have no family nearby so it has to be nursery but I hate the idea of strangers Who don't love her changing her nappy and feeding her. They don't love her and she just loves hugs and kisses.

I miss mum and dad, both my parents died recently. My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly when dd was only 3 months old and I'm obviously still grieving badly. I think that bf was a comfort to me as much as dd and this ending is just another sign that things are changing and moving on.

I think I'm starting to grieve Dad all over again. He died 2 and a half years ago and although I grieved, mum was the focus and that pushed me forward. Since mum died so suddenly there is a big void where they both were.

To become a mum and lose a mum in such a short space of time is so overwhelming. Moving on with life, leaving my daughter and returning to work feels a step I'm not ready to take but I have no choice. Why is life so hard sometimes?

oh beach, I feel for you. Thats such a lot of changes to cope with. I'm sorry, I really am. I agree with what you're saying about your mum and dad, I'm the same, exactly. I feel like I'm grieving for my dad all over again, although he died years ago now. Its like losing two parents at once and knowing its all gone. And yes to the void, too.

The nursery thing must be hard, I was a real woose when mine were young and never put them in a nursery, so now I've got a crap job and we are always skint! Try to think of how in a few weeks your dd will have settled and you might enjoy the company back at work. And I remember crying when I had to give up bf too, it felt such a special bond and it does feel really sad to lose it. But soon there will be other things to concentrate on, like dd learning to talk and walk about.

Can you have a little special time with your dh and dd this weekend, have a nice meal and a glass of wine when dd is in bed and have a chat about how you feel a bit? I find my dh needs told of how I feel, he really hasnt a clue and doesnt seem to imagine how I feel, sometimes I just burst out and tell him, he usually just nods a bit blankly!! but at least I get it out! And remember we're all here for you too xxx

Hey ssd! Why don't you get a bird box or a bird feeder in your garden and keep that going in your family? We have introduced a bird feeder in the garden and I love seeing all the birds especially my ol friend the robin

Beech comber - hello
Was wondering about you Hun. So sorry it's a tough time I really know how you feel it hits me at times
So hard. Tbh I can't think about it too much as I've realised it kills me to think she's gone. But I keep her close by tucked in my heart.
I'm with ssd speak to your hubby and tell him how you feel but you come back here anytime to rant talk cry and rant. We're here got you.

Hope everyone is going along not too bad. Thinking of you all. Hugs if needed xx

I second the bird feeder. We have a bird nesting in our little house they go in and out all day feeding their babies, but this morning to my horror I looked out of bedroom window and a cat was sprawled over it and its face was right by the opening. There was another cat on the ground. I chased them off and bugger me five mins later it was back. We have now put something along the fence to stop them being able to get near. But yes ssd do as t875 suggests , the give a lot of pleasure and I'm sure a little robin will come along. Sorry you are so low beach. We are here to help.

theres too many cats round here for a bird feeder, the cats are really clever, when I throw out bread for the birds the cats lie in the middle of the bread just waiting for the birds to appear!!!

still its a nice thought x

Hello all, have been to the crem today to put fresh flowers, looked lovely but one of my mums little robins has gone! She only has one now. So i. Am now going to be on the look out for a nice little stone one. I don't think anyone has stolen it, it may of just blown away as its very light. We have to be so careful of the flowers we take there as the squirrels eat the heads of carnations and chrysanthemums . So took lilies and roses.i was surprised to see that some little violas I planted had come out on both graves. I had forgotten about them , so they looked nice , I also planted a few busy laziest cause they will last for ages. Had a little chat to my mum too. Sad to leave there and leave her behind. I miss her.

I know mummylin, I know

my mum came to see my boys today. I know that sounds weird. They were at a match with dh, I collected them afterwards. Dh said "something unusual happened at the game today, a little bird appeared on the pitch in front of us, just hopping about for ages, right in front of us, it was a little robin, it hopped about for ages then it disappeared into the dugout", he said he'd seen pigeons before during a match but never a little bird like this..ds2 said "it was gran, thats why we won the game". Dh said they all thought it was a message from gran. I know it was, I don't know why, I just know mum came to see the boys today.

BTW this was a big game, not a kids match, the capacity is 50,000 and it was a full house, dh has been going for 40 plus years and he's never seen a little bird on the pitch during a game, never mind a robin x

That sounds so lovely ssd I'm sure your mum was there to give the team a helping hand ! Your family sound as fanatical about football as my dh and brothers gets on my nerves all they ever seem to talk about.

yes they are football mad mummylin, drives me crazy!! x

ahh lovely to read about the bird Ssd i believe too that it was your mum coming to visit you guys and to show her support!

ooh mummylin thats a shame about the robin, hope you can find another one that you are happy with.

Im doing not too bad but i just still say randomly and out loud sometimes that i miss her her loads, hate it, and just want her back and a big piece of me is missing but she is with me.

Went to the beach yesterday which was nice, nice to be able to get by the sea, arcades, and ice cream. Hubby has been off back to work tomorrow i have 2 more weeks left at my job. Ive got a wedding to go to Friday and i really cant be bothered then bro's birthday and then my youngest, its funny i thought possibly it might be a little easier this year but having my mum not be there at these things is still bloody hard for me!

Oh well catch you all soon, thinking of all of you xx

t875, I remember one poster telling me that she managed to get through the first Xmas without her mum, but come the second Xmas she sobbed all day. I think because we've got over a year we think we should start to feel as if we're getting used to things, but I don't think it works like that, like you say you still feel your loss just as strong as the early days, although hopefully not as raw. Yes I do believe the little bird was my mum coming to see the boys. As we were driving away from Hampden dh said "its funny, this little bird was on the pitch right in front of us" and I immediately thought, its a robin and that's mum, then dh said "it was a little baby robin" and I felt a tingle, and ds2 said "and that's why we won"..they were all agreed it was gran in some way. Who knows how it all works, its beyond our knowledge just now. I'm glad you all had a day at the beach, the weather has been good hasn't it. And I hope get kept on your time at work, I think that job has been good for you. Sometimes being busy keeps our minds from thinking too much.

mummylin, have you found another robin yet? If you want I'd look out for one for you.

how is everyone else doing, beach, snowflakes, hatsy and everyone else? thinking of you all xxx

Hello everyone, I think what you are saying is right, I too am feeling it very hard the last couple of weeks. I have been going over everything all over again. I have no idea why this has happened. I have slipped back quite a bit for some reason, but of course to others including dh, I am fine. But inside my heart remains broken. It's so hard to cope with isn't it. No ssd I haven't had time to look for one yet but thanks for your kind offer. Xx

no bother, keep it in mind

its funny the things that can upset you, isn't it. I posted on a thread y'day about how as your kids get older they need you less, I've been feeling that for a while. I posted that mum had died and I don't even have her now, and no one said oh I'm sorry! I know that sounds daft, why would they? but still it hurts when you write that and no one notices, feels like that's my life just now, I'm carrying this huge hurt around and no one notices. Sounds very self indulgent though doesn't it,. people just look out for themselves normally, I shouldn't take things so personally. I'm seeing cruse on July 18, havent told anyone about it, just going to go and see how it goes.

xx

I lost my dad in June 2011 and it still dominates my life, he was killed in a road traffic accident, he was on his motorbike and some stupid old bastard in a hellish 4x4 pulled out in front of him from a junction, he would have survived if that was the only issue, but he ended up under the vehicle which was stationary at that point as the road wasn't clear, he hadn't even noticed the carnage he had caused already, and then the other side cleared and he drove out effectively crushing my dad. He did not die there but I never saw him.awake again because they put him in a coma due to his injuries, I sat by his hospital bed for 10 days, I knew it was serious as he was in his own special ICU room hooked up to allsorts of scary looking machines, doin his breathing and cleaning his blood, the last 2 days were the worst of my life, I'd never seen anyone look so dead even though he was still there, he had numerous heart attacks and had to have surgery right there in his bed because they couldn't move him, he survived that and I was so exhausted I went home for a shower and a sleep knowing there was nothing I could do either way, I spoke in his ear before I left and I think I knew he would die that night and I promised him I would love him forever and told him it's alright if he can't hang on and not too be scared about it because we are here and we love him, he died just a few hours later when he was alone, I was 20 at the time and he was 45, it then followed all the court cases and funeral and solicitors because he had a gf of 2 years who wouldn't let me and my sister have any photos of him, it's now nearly 2 years on and I developed PTSD, and a serious health anxiety, I struggle with day to day life and I just hate that this ever happened because ill never be the same happy person again, they say times a healer but it's just fucked me up even more, sorry for how long this post was. Just wanted to share.

Hello Joanna what a very sad story and what a terrible time you must of had. I am not surprised you have suffered so badly. Not only the actual loss of your dear dad, but the shock of the accident, followed by legal stuff. Not nice of the Gf not to let you have any photos. People are very cruel aren't they. I hope you are getting treatment for the PTSD. Glad you have decided to join us, it helps to be able to discuss things with like minded people.