Bereavement Counselling - what to expect?

[IcanandIwill]

So, tomorrow I have my first appointment with Cruse. I'm not really sure why I'm going and certainly don't know what to expect. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

It's 11 weeks since DH was killed suddenly. Our baby is 10 weeks. We've been through so much, I just don't know how counselling can help.

I tried one counsellor (through gp) who just sat there and looked at me with great big eyes oozing pity - didn't find that helpful! It's hard to know what "usual" is though.

The other day I was chatting to my counsellor about what makes a person able to be a good bereavement counsellor. It's a pretty unusual skillset to have, along with just the right sort of empathic personality. She is very open in discussing what we will aim for in each session, and treats it as offers - she offers me a conversation but I am free to decline and take it in another direction. She also often takes a note of where we've got to and what we might want to go on to in the next session, so that I know what's coming to some degree. It costs a fair bit as it's private counselling, but we see it as a necessary health and welfare expense rather than a luxury.

I do think if you find that the person you're seeing isn't right it's worth looking round, asking around to see if anyone has a recemmendation.

Thanks Zeno. I do wonder if this person us right but it is early days. I may investigate what other options there are too. I just wonder if I may need a bit more help with my complex array of emotions. I suppose I'll give this a try and then see how we go.

Early days. Hard days to get through. You may find you want to try a couple of different people out to see what's available in due course. It was fortunate for me that the third person I tried was a good fit, and I've been with her ever since.

One thing I've concluded is that specialist bereavement counselling is substantially better and more productive than that provided by a more general counselling service.

The thing is, it goes on for a long time, so it's helpful to have someone you can and would choose to go back to again, so you don't have to start over with someone new. I think if once you've had three sessions you're still not feeling it then it's probably time to look elsewhere.

aw thanks i canand iwill, great name btw.
i'm a struggling a bit tbh, still very up and down, my son died in feb this year shortly after he was born.
yes i was hoping for some coping mechanisiums too, and perhaps some sort of relaxation techniques, i don't know i they do that type of thing?

must have been a massive shouck losing your husband, then a week later having a baby, thats alot of emotions to cope with at once.
are your family and friends supportive?

Thankfully I have amazing RL support. Thank God or we wouldn't have got this far.

So sorry to hear of your loss whiteandyellow. I don't really know what I'm going to get from counselling but I'm prepared to try anything! I'm also going to try some meditation as hopefully another coping mechanism. God knows I'll try anything!

Oh so glad you have good rl support, how are you today?

I'm ok at the moment. The weekend was rough but seem to have regained some balance by Monday. Second counselling session today. I have a sense of relief again but wonder if I'll have that downward spiral again. The session today wasn't do tough and was a bit more practical.