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Bereavement

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Suitable funeral reading for my mum

43 replies

Bloodyhellthathurts · 17/01/2012 14:20

My mother died this weekend. My brother and sisters don't want to speak at her funeral, but I think one of us should. My father died last year and I read out a poem and left the eulogy to his brother-

OP posts:
Figgyrolls · 18/01/2012 10:56

It is a lovely choice OP, and it does link everyone, will you still be able to read it to dd though? Perhaps choose another DG book to read to her at night? Flora's Blanket is also very sweet and non emotional Smile I am a huge fan of her stuff for children but I also think that No Matter What is just a perfect description of love whilst also dealing with loss. I hope it goes well for you, as well as it can. We shall be thinking of you so let us know how it goes. x

jollyoldstnickschick · 18/01/2012 11:03

Thinking of you at this sad time and hoping that you find the strength to face the day the way your Mum would want you to ,My Mum died when I was 11 and the funerals a bit like your first day of primary school,the emptiness the anticipation and the feeling that somethings missing- you get through it though x

glasshouse · 18/01/2012 11:28

I have a couple that I have heard at recent funerals which I thought summed up the mother perfectly. Not sure of your religious views so I am not sure if the first one is appropriate. Second the idea of having someone there to take over if need be, even if they are not needed, its good to have a backup. They're a bit long I'm afraid.

First one

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."

And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength."

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."

And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."

Second one:

A mother is more than a memory. She is a living presence. Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winters day.

She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is your birthday morning. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop.

A mother shows through in every emotion - happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow - and all the while hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life.

She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you.

Not time, not space - not even death!

Bloodyhellthathurts · 18/01/2012 11:33

My dad was always a huge believer in what he called 'stiff upper lippery' so I took some grim satisfaction in reading at his funeral without too many tears, knowing he would be proud, and I just feel like I should do the same for my mum, if that makes sense? God knows how I'll feel on the day though, I did have a bit of a meltdown (understatement) last night.

I take your point, Figgyrolls. It might not be the best choice for bedtime reading for a while afterwards..

My condolences, Biscuitsandbaileys. I hope you are coping okay and have people around you to help you through?

OP posts:
Figgyrolls · 18/01/2012 11:43

Its a lovely choice, and I am not sure how old your dd is so perhaps she won't notice a few tears at bedtime? Mine at 4 might not notice too much but she might ask me if I would like to read another story to her if it was making me sad. However I am sure you will get to the point where you are asked for a different story, my dn and sil knew the gruffalo inside out, ditto us with the Tiger that Came to Tea and after a while they want to change to something else. The biggest part of the reading for the funeral though is that you know it and you are comfortable with it and frankly if you do shed a few tears during it then NO ONE is going to feel anything other than respect for you. I do second though possibly having someone who might be able to take over from you but sadly it sounds as if you are recently well practised in reading at loved ones funerals Sad.

iloveberries · 18/01/2012 11:49

firstly, so sorry for your loss.

i think this is the most beautiful reading i have ever heard at a funeral... it chokes me but i find it so calming when missing those loved ones who have gone..

Death is nothing at all

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away
into the next room.

I am I,
and you are you;
whatever we were to each other,
that, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way
which you always used,
put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air
of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we shared together.
Let my name ever be
the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all
that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.

Henry Scott Holland
1847 -1918

Bloodyhellthathurts · 18/01/2012 11:54

It's truly lovely, isn't it? I read that at my father's funeral, he was carrying a copy of it in his briefcase when he died - we still have no idea why, but it was a poem that gave my mum a lot of comfort. I didn't realise that the 'waiting for you..somewhere very near' would only be a year later as far as she was concerned. But I think that would have made her happy, knowing she wouldn't be without him for too long.

OP posts:
rachel99 · 18/01/2012 12:01

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My mum passed away nearly a year ago now.
I read 'She is Gone' at her funeral.
I found the words helped me a lot especially the first few weeks after.

She Is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone 

Or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back 

Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her 

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday 

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she is gone 

Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back 

Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

PoppadumPreach · 18/01/2012 12:02

I ma very sorry for your loss. I am also in awe of you being able to stand up and do a reading at the funeral - as much as i'd liked to have done at my mother's, there is just no way i could.

just a thought, but i did a reading at a wedding recently - the "classic" 1 Coriinthians 13. It is about love and what love is all about. Although it is usually used in weddings, i have just read it and i welled up as i think a lot of it would be a very fitting tribute to a mother's love. Though it is from the Bible, I still think the sentiment is appropriate even at a secular funeral.

here is a bit of it (though there are different versions which you may like to look for)

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

wahwahwah · 18/01/2012 12:53

We made the brothers in law do the readings at both. None of us could do it. The eulogy for mum was written by all of us, but I can't really remember dads.

I hope you are getting all the support and help you need at this horrible time.

iloveberries · 18/01/2012 13:37

She is gone is a beautiful reading too - when i lost someone close to me a friend sent me that poem and i found it so comforting too.

bloodyhell - when i lost someone close to me she had that poem folded away in her book. Significant that your Dad had it in his briefcase too. Love to you

gaunyerseljeannie · 19/01/2012 20:01

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and that it has been so painful for your mum and you all. My friend with a similar experience found this a great comfort x

The bird that was trapped has flown
The sky that was grey is blue
The bone that was dead has grown
The dream that was dreamed is true
The locked door has been swung wide
The prisoner has been set free
The lips that were sealed have cried
The eye that was blind can see
The tree that was bare is green
The room that was dull is bright
The sheet that was soiled is clean
The dawn that was dark is light
The road that was blocked has no end
The unknown journey is known
The heart that is hurt will mend
The bird that was trapped is flown

James Robertson

perplexedpirate · 19/01/2012 20:12

There's a lovely one about a ship. Can't link as on phone but it's something about being unchanged in hull and sail but sailing to a different shore with people looking out for you. It's beautiful.

perplexedpirate · 19/01/2012 20:19

Looked it up on google and it's by bishop Brent. I'm not sure now if it's a bit religious and it might not be suitable if that's not your thing. It's still a nice reading through.

gaunyerseljeannie · 19/01/2012 20:25

Just for general info, the poem referred to as 'She is Gone' also known as "He is gone", was read the the Queen Mum's funeral and said to be by an unknown author, but actually its an adaption of a poem called "Remember Me" and is by David Harkins. If you google it you should get a link to a Guardian article called "the accidental laureate" which tells the story of the author, who was an ordinary bloke from Cumbria who wrote it when he split up with his girlfriend. It is lovely.

FlappyBaps · 02/02/2012 14:42

Hi there

I feel for you and have been through something very similar recently. It was mum's funeral last week - I read "No Matter What" and my brother read a lovely piece that mum had chosen herself...I'll look it up tonight but it's basically saying not to cry and close yourself off, but to love and go on after the death.

Hassled - you describe exactly how I feel - like I've got to grow up properly now. Just wish I didn't! Friends and some family have been amazing - others have been rubbish. It's been brutal and still feels very surreal but I'm sure we'll all find our feet eventually. xx

cottonmouth · 05/02/2012 17:34

Sorry for your loss, OP.

My mother died a year ago, and I gave the reading (none of my siblings were willing, and I was happy to do it).

I did the fairly standard reading from John 14 - 'my father's house has many rooms'.

GurlwiththeFrothyCurl · 05/02/2012 17:56

I read this at a friend's funeral. So many of the usual poems are overdone, I think. I found it on the web:

I Am?

Listen to the wind sighing
through the trees,
you will hear my voice
carried soft upon the breeze.
When the playful wind
caresses your cheek, be sure to listen,
for you will hear me speak.
Turn and greet the wind
with a smiling face
for it is only me and my fond embrace.
Lift up your face to the gentle rain
and I will help
to wash away your pain.
~~ ~ ~~
Look out at the sparkling,
dancing sea and quietly think of me.
I am every wavelet gently lapping,
I am every swell.
Listen,
you will hear me softly murmur,
be at peace for all is well.
I am the soft and gentle hush
before dawn is shrilly spoken.
Watch for the cheeky Robin,
the gentle Wren,
because for you they are my token.
~ ~~~ ~
I am of the earth and of the sky,
I am every Rook and Seagull?s cry.
I am every colour
in all the Autumn leaves,
I am close beside you
when silently you grieve.
I am in soft scented woods
and the salty breeze.
Remember?
I am each and every one of these!

Sadie Freeman

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