Special gifts to remember Finlay

[sparkle]

My sister had her baby at 26 weeks on 1 October and he sadly died on Saturday afternoon, 11 October. We are all devastated so goodness only knows what my sister and her DP are going through. Their baby was sp special, beautiful and very sweet and was named Finlay James Sonny. His big brother Thomas (almost 5) was looking forward to him coming home. It is all so heartbreaking.

I would like to give them a gift which will be a really special memory of Finlay. I had thought of naming a star after him. Does anyone know how I go about doing this? Or are there any other lovely ideas that you have that might help to help ease the pain of this awful situation?

Sparkle, just wanted to say thinking of you and your family. I think all the ideas here are lovely and you will choose what you think best for you and your sister and family.

Sparkle - I'm so sorry to hear your news. You must all be so devastated.

I think the idea of a tree is the best one - the world needs more trees and your family will be able to visit it and watch it grow over the years to come. A friend lost a baby through twin to twin transfusion syndrome. They had a tree planted and go to visit it regularly - she hopes it will be a place of solace for the surviving twin when she is old enough to understand what happened.

Regarding the star idea - yes, it is a beautiful idea. But - and I really don't want to upset anyone who has already gone down this route - it is not a "genuine" service. The only official star registry is the one that NASA and similar organisations refer to, and I can promise you that they do not have anyone's name listed on any star. There is nothing to stop me, or anyone else, setting up a star registry and charging people to have a chart with their name applied to a certain star... and then sending out exactly the same chart with a different name on to someone else. I'm sorry, but while this is a nice idea it is nothing more than a money making exercise.

Sorry to smash any illusions, but hope this helps you make your choice.

Well today is the first anniversary of the day Finlay died and I suppose I just wanted to mention it here. Everyone's thoughts and ideas were really helpful at the time and we ended up getting my sister and bil a rose bush which has flowered and looks beautiful.

They have been coping remarkably well but a very sad day all the same. They found his birthday (1st Oct) a little easier to deal with and celebrated his litle life rather than dwelling on what happened.

Message withdrawn

I was around when you posted this last year sparkle but didn't feel i had anything worthwhile to add as i didn't have any children and didn't think i could possibly imagine what you, your sister and her family were going through!

I know have a DD and only just feel thati am worthwhile to make a comment.

It must be so so hard for everyone involved - my thoughts are with you all! What a terribly sad time this must be

Thinking of you and your sister Sparkle.

Hugs.

Oh, sparkle. So glad they were able to celebrate his little life. Tears in eyes here. Hope Thomas shared too.

Sparke, I'm often lost for words when trying to post on a thread like this, but what a lovely way to remember Finlay's life.

Sparkle, your sister is so lucky to have you. When our baby died m-i-l had a star named after her and her twin. I thought it was a lovely idea, and we actually got to see it many years later thanks to a good map and someone with a very powerful telescope. If we'd never seen it it wouldn't have mattered. It was a lovely thought and is still important to her twin sister, now 8. If I wasn't in that position I might have found it a bit corny but in the circumstance didn't. Also for anniversary of her death (which we don't make a big thing of now as it's the day after dd's birthday) we were given some roses called Octavia, the same as our baby. A beautiful gesture again. I have a wooden box with all her presents in and though I need to look at them less and less often now, I always know they are close to hand. I'm an only child and if it was me I'd love a sister as thoughtful and caring as you. I'm sure the family will cherish whatever gift you choose to give them.

This thread is giving me goosebumps!

wizzysmum, I read your post on the thread about Charlotte Wyatt; I am very touched to hear the way you talk about Octavia and her sister. I'm sure you always feel that you really have 5 children, not 4, and have half an ear out for the one who isn't there.

This thread has made me cry. My thoughts are with all of you who have been touched by loss in this way - WSM, I also had no idea, I am so sorry Sparkle, I think your sister is very lucky to have you.

Sparkle, how good to hear that Finlay's rose bush is thriving. We had a bumper crop of cheerful red crab apples on Tom's tree this Autumn. Seeing something grow in the absence of the person you miss most does help, I find. How is your nephew Thomas coping, by the way?
Didn't know if you and your sister knew this but it is Babyloss Awareness Week this week, supported by SANDS and other neonatal charities, so it may be that there is a memorial service near you this week. There is also an International Wave of Light at 7pm on 15th October, where anyone affected by the death of a baby can light a candle at home or at a memorial event and know that others are doing the same.
Wizzysmum, I saw your lovely post about Octavia on the Charlotte Wyatt thread too, thank you for sharing your story with us. You are right that family support helps. My elderly parents were initially seemingly quite insensitive to what we went through, and it nearly caused a rift between us. But, two years on, they do now refer to Tom by name, and are dedicating a candle to him on their local hospice Christmas tree this year. I was astonished and touched.
You are obviously a sister in a million, Sparkle. Maybe you can print out or share this thread with your sister so she knows how many of us are thinking of you all.

Glad to hear that your sister can celebrate their baby boy's life. Must be so hard for them I hope they fin continued happiness in the future, and that the rose bush continues to bloom.

Thanks everyone. I think they have been coping really well over the last year and we all talk about Finlay a lot. Marina, my nephew Thomas has only recently begun to talk about his brother. Over the summer holidays he was asked quite a few times if he had brothers or sisters and before would have said no but now says yes but that his brother died. He seems to go through angry phases and his behaviour has been a little up and down but all part of the process I suppose.

I had a dd in May this year and of course everyone was thrilled but i'm sure it was a bit difficult too. Needless to say, she is very loved by them all, including Thomas. A lot of you have commnted on what a ggod sister I am but I think I have the most fantastic sister and am just sad she had to go through this.

Nothing to add really except (((hugs))) to you all.