Doctor's got me worried! (No pointing and selective hearing)

[Novacane]

Hello all, just after some reassurance or support really.
I took my 16 month old DS to the doctors the other day. She has asked me to contact HV for a development thingy as she says 'she doesnt think theres anything to worry about but just to be sure)
The things we are concerned about are that he doesnt yet point to things (although he does point to things in books when asked and he also points to some shark tale stickers in the bath when asked)
When called by his name he sometimes doesnt answer or turn round, but if I say 'Charlie, whats this? he always turns round, even if engrosed in the telly.
Also he is not really talking yet, he says 'gone' ALL the time lol, and hiya and 'O' for no, shaking his head. Hes never said mama or dada, and has never called out for us.
He doesnt seem to get simple instructions like wheres you bottle or wheres your drink, but i dont know if hes meant to by now.
As for the other things, hes a very smiley, sociable little boy, who walked at 10 months.
He loves to read with you, he brings me books to read him all the time and gets rather excited by them. He also does actions in books, like if I say 'hot dog' he will start to pant. So I know hes understanding some of what were saying. He understands no and get down and comehere, but not sure if thats by the tone of voice or understanding of the language used.
He loves to play with blocks etc and can put them big lego block things together when shown.
He does not like to be cuddled when its not on his terms, (like just being picked up and cuddled) but he loves playing kissy games and loves to be cuddled to sleep.

The doctor slipped in the word autism and the thought had never even entered my head.
Im a natural born worrier and ive not slept since she said that (probably due to my ignorance more than anything) and I cried all night.

Am I worrying unessecerily? Any words of advice would be helpful, and tips on how to encourage speech etc, Im a first time Mum and an only child so im new to all this!

thinking about it im not sure he really does point without just copying, like he still points at trees like his sister does and if i point to something he'll point to it too but i dont think of you say where is something he'll point to it i cant remember him ever doing that but then i never knew that was important so ive not been looking for it. i just tried to get him to do it now but we've just been for long walk with puppy and they're both monged out in front of the telly! but from what i understand from you jimjams is that that would give me 1 red flag but as everything else in his behaviour seems to be normal, if a little slow on communicating but catching up now, then thats ok one red flag on its own doesnt necessarily mean anything its only if there were others, is that right?
Sorry novacane this is your thread and i come on here saying my son was the same now he's fine and now im worrying!!

pesha you said "he'll go get things, give things to people, put things back". All sounds good. Try not to worry.

I agree that I think 16 months is a bit young for a Dr to mention the "a" word - but I had it mentioned to me when ds1 was about 22 months by his (awful) nursery. I had already been to the HV and he was on a waiting list to be seen (I had concerns myself)- I explained this and the nursery then started attacking me saying "you don't seem to care" "he has to talk" "you don't care he;s not talking" etc At least a dr will hopefully keep an eye- so that if there are problems then early appointments can be had and early intervention can start- it makes the biggest difference.

Having said that there's nothing that screams autism from the post- just keep an eye for the pointing. Try not to let it spoil your time though- enjoy your son. Easier said that done- I keep having panic attacks over ds3 - but I try not to.

Thanks jimjams, i think really i know he's fine he just likes to keep me on my toes, he had clicky hips as baby and had to have a couple of scans b4 he stopped being borderline and was all ok then heart murmur at 6 week check but after several visits to hospital that was all ok then they thought he had a squint but after another visit to hospital that was all ok! He worries me so much more than dd ever did, i thought 2nd ones were meant to be easier!

ditto about the heart murmur pesha, although my DS's was picked up at birth! Its still there but theyre not worried.

Jim jams, did you mean theyre is nothing screaming autism from my post or peshas? just wondering.

i do think its good that ive got a good doctor, but seen as I was also going concerning my stress levels, it could maybe have been omitted!

yep novacane that's what I meant. I'm a bit of a hard one- I think if pros have concerns they should tell you- just because early help makes a huge difference- and not knowing makes life very difficult. Of course by raising concerns it means that some people will be worried unecessarily but I think that's a small price to pay for children being picked up early. (Despite my concerns- which began at 17 months-, and my son being severely autistic he wasn't picked up until after 3- the 2nd and third year were hellish). I actually want to start a campaign to introduce the CHAT test I linked to below as a routine test at 18 months because I think proper early intervention will then follow and that will make a huge difference to many people - both emotionally within families and practically for the children.

jim jams is it ALWAY cause for major anxiety if there is no pointing at 18 months? Or is it sometimes the case that a child can be a late pointer (for example, not start pointing until 2 but still end up developing 'normally')?
I am asking just for future reference, in case I ever have another late talking child. Can't remember when my late-to-talk dd STARTED pointing (since I did not know it was such a big deal). But she started doing it sometime in the second year. BTW, for benefit of other posters, dd did not talk much until she was two but now she is 2.5 and talks normally, asks questions, tell stories etc.

If they're not pointing at 18 months then yes it should always be looked at. How much concern depends on the child. It depends what happens after they start pointing as well. DS1's fist proper point at object of interest was at 26 months- but it didn't then develop properly. So he does point now, but not very often (and as he can't speak he should!) and often using the wrong fingers. He used to point in the wrong direction as well.

I also found that when I used to point to show my ds something of interest, instead of looking at the direction I was pointing to, he would just look at my hand, as if he didn't understand what pointing actually meant. At 5 he doesn't do that now, but he still finds it difficult to follow where I'm pointing.

Pesha just to pick up on your trying to get your DS to point at things. My DD is 15 months and seems to be developing normally - a bit slow on the speech but has a few "words". She started pointing at about 11 months but I'm sure if I asked her to point at something (a toy or her brother of whatever) that she would not do this. The first time she pointed was when we took her to a bird park and she spontaneously pointed at the birds in the aviaries.

Hiya Ladies,

Well Ive just taken DS out for a walk down by the river (he walks along side the buggy holding onto it, wont sit in it, but at least it keep him going in the right direction).
Anyway, I saw a big chocolate labrador coming and I picked him up and pointed to it saying 'ooo look at the doggy, can you see the doggy?' pointing all the time- and he actually pointed! I know he was just copying me, but I was so proud I nearly cried!
Hopefully this si the start of the pointing!

yes good point from macwoozy- the CHAT test does look at ability to follow a point as its equally as important. DS1 still can't follow a point very easily and he's 6. When he was a baby we would say "look" and point at something interesting and he didn't get it at all.

Hey Novacane that sounds great! Given all the concern about pointing, I imagine that it would make sense to point at things yourself a lot, to help him get the idea. But it sounds like he is getting it! Yay! (I know how worrying delays like this can be).

yeah Cath, I tend to point a lot, usually at other peoples dogs, I got some very strange looks today- so i started saying 'oo look at the big blue van , can you see the big blue van'- a lot less hassle!!lol
He will just have to become an auto rather than canine enthusiast!!!