Need an alternative to the naughty step.........

[emmatmg]

Another new strategy in the emmatmg household.

Ds1 is just too big for that know. It worked with ds2 this morning, he was gutted and mortified so I'm very hopeful but it just wouldn't work with Ds1.

I need something really good because we've tried start charts, confiscating stuff, no treats, more praise, ignoring the bad behaviour(i find that very hard) and it just doesn't work with him.

any suggestions?

Emma - exactly the same problem here, mine are 7 and 5YO. We've just moved onto Soupdragons pasta jar technique and it really is working incredibly well.

It is definately worth a go, and of course you can tailor the finer details to your childen.

Mine were fighting and bickering a lot at the start of teh school holidays and so I set them lots of activities that they had to do together, like tidy a room or empty the dishwasher and they only got a piece of pasta if they did it without fighting! They have been getting on so much better as a result

Take a bow Soupdragon

Can someone detail the pasta method for me? Would it work for 10 & 8 year old? Constant bickering, insults, aggression, and flat refusals to me!! Thinking I may swop them for gerbils - far less hastle!!

I think if you search the archives you'll find one of Soupies old pasta threads.

Our version is 3 pasta pieces go into the jar on Saturday (normal pocket money equivalent). They earn a piece of pasta for anything they do very well or helping out around the house and get pieces taken away for bad behaviour. Mine get one warning for bad bahaviour and then it is taken away.

On Saturday we tot up the pieces of pasta and they get a set amount of money for each piece of pasta in the jar. That is then their spending money for the week!

I like that idea!!

How long did it take to sink in?

Would 10/20p be reasonable amount for each piece?

Josie- we vary the amount according to age - we pay more per piece for the 7 yo than the 5 Yo.

I think you should start with the starting pieces being roughly what you would give them in pocket money anyway.

It took about 30secs to click in with my two- as soon as they realised they could earn more money for being good

(sorry to hijack the thread) But Nickenha - what do you EXPECT? If she knows she is going to get her own way eventually of course she'll keep going.

I don't let my DS (2.3yo) "whine" at me at all. He is generally well behaved, but when he does whine, I make him sit in timeout or go to bed. Just a couple of minutes in bed does the trick. He can only come out if he promises not to whine. If he does whine he goes right back in and NEVER gets whatever it was he was whining for.

Why would your DS change her ways? It is working beautifully for her. She wanted to watch Barney and she got her way. Does not sound like she is naughty - sounds like she is very clever. She knows which buttons to push to get her way, and it works.

2yo is not too young for them to know that there is a consequence for their behaviour. But you have to be consistent (both you and DH have to apply the same rules or it won't work) and persistent. Why say no in the first place if you (or DH) are going to give in any way? Why not just let her watch it?

I practice a lot of techniques advocated by Dr Phil (psychiatrist). I was very sceptical at first, but they REALLY work. I attach the link in case you are interested (ignore it if you are not). It is here

For really bad 'crimes' I send my five and six year olds to their rooms.

Yesterday my five year old was uncharacteristically wild and kept kicking his sister's car seat on the way back from a lovely picnic. It was the usual story .... great trip out - tired - hungry - come down - anger....Grrrrrr!
Anyway I said 'stop it'. He didn't. I said it again. He didn't. I said, 'stop it or there'll be no pudding for you tonight'. That did the trick initially.
Unofrtunately, 15 mins later when we were nearly home, he forgot and kicked her chair again. We were then forced to follow through. He went mad when we said, 'right, no pudding'.
In the end, when pudding was being served to the others (I felt so terrible by the way) he took it on the chin.

I'm hoping it'll act as a future deterrent

Well done spidermama! At least next time he knows you mean it.

Mine knows that if he is badly behaved in the shops we go straight home. I've only ever had to do it once, but he knows I am serious and now he is really good in the shops. I don't put my foot down about too many things, but a screaming toddler in the shops is not something I'm prepared to put up with. Of course he gets HEAPS of encouragement every time we go to the shops and he behaves (which is pretty much all the time now). We both have so much fun in the shops now that it is not a battleground!