get dressed please. get dressed please. get dressed please

[SenoraPostrophe]

just wondering how many times you have to ask your 3 yr old to do something. Sometimes dd just acts as if I'm not there. I think it'd be less frustrating if she just said "NO".

I used to count to 3, but the other day ds said "I can count to ten mummy I need more numbers before getting out of the shower".

little monkey! LOL

interesting ideas about saying please or thank you. I have never heard of the thank you theory, so will give it a go, though also bearing in mind what basketcase said about her mother tagging it on the end and making it sound no different to an order. IME saying 'please' makes me feel better (ie I sound polite) but has little effect on making my sons do anything more willingly.

Senora, in answer to your original question, It was incredibly difficult to make my sons, when 3 years old, do anything the first time (still is sometimes). Counting down definity helped - I started doing this when they were 2 or 3.

My 5 year old son is only just getting the hang of dressing himself from head to foot. He is late doing this, I know. At age three he would have kicked up a huge fuss and it was a battle I chose not to pick with him then. Now, in the mornings, I lay out his clothes and tell him he can't have breakfast or TV till he is dressed. This works well for us.

I know, though, I'll be sounding like a cracked record over certain things till my sons leave home.

I went to a great behavuir management training day and the guy (a behaviourist to his fingertips Mooddog!) was most emphatic that you state what you want the child to do, pause a split second and say thankyou. That shows the child that you are taking it as read that the child is* going to do it!

He was also very good on ignorong 'secondary' behaviour. So you say, pick up the mess, thank you and then ignore the tutting, whinging and face pulling. That isn't your probelm. the probelm is the mess! He was very good and I use his techniques a lot.....he was also vey hot on catching them being good.

hmb - sounds a really interesting course, I could do with going on one of those! Went on plenty of these type of courses as a teacher but it is so different with younger children - esp. your own.

Well, MaryPop, I gave it a big try yesterday. Started with the routine for going out of the house. (Normally involves me asking D1 10 times to put on her shoes, getting louder and more exasperated each time, me storming up to her room, doing it for her and being steamed up in the car, later than I wanted.) I went up to her room, found them for her (her usual excuse being can?t see them right in front of her) told her nicely but firmly to put them on staight away and then to come downstairs - thank you. (Feeling really good about it, went downstairs). She does as she is told, DH gives me a little "I?m impressed" look and then DD sits on the bottom step amused and says - "dad, mummy is soooo funny. She told me to put my doodles on thank you.. he he "she got all muddled up didn?t she?, she should say please not thank you!" and rolled about laughing. Hmmm. Dh thought it funny and started laughing as well. Great. I tried to explain that I expect her to do as she is told as she is a good girl etc. and that she isn?t doing me a favour so I was thanking her for what she was about to do because that is polite. She says something like "but mummy, you know you should always say please when you ask someone to do something and thank you after, you silly billy..."
Ok - so that wasn?t so successful and wasn?t able to think on my feet enough to explain it all clearly to a giggly 4 year old. Still, she did it and I stood my ground. I have tried to think more about what I am asking her to do, breaking it down into steps again and to pre-empt excuses problems - like get out her PJs for her and tell her that those are the ones I have chosen, no discussion.." and the day did seem less up for questionning every task and her doing more of what I expect and sooner. It isn?t easy is it?
Even when we have plenty of ideas, tactics and methods, remembering to apply them consistently and calmly is really tricky when caught up in the moment. I will try the thank you thing again today and see if I can get any further with it.

bobbybob - love the counting story. Sounds just the sort of thing my DD1 would dream up. Priceless.
Last week she stopped her dad mid angry sentence to say "dad, if you are going to take one of my toys away again and put them on your wardrobe, could it be care bear as she hasn?t had a holiday yet! "

Basketcase, I think for a first day it went well. I agree completely the consistency thing is the key. I found it took me a good week to get into the habit of it and the child to get into the routine of it. Well said about how you asking politely and not asking to do a favour for you. I think that is exactly the point.

happymerryberries. The split second does make difference, I think and the secondary behaviour is the difference between it working and not working. I tend to walk away with the what I can't see I can't get upset about theory.

Yesterday we had a friend come over whose son is a little wired to say the less. After speaking to him many time about pushing and splashing in the pool I had to take him out for five minutes to calm down. He sulked for the next half hour with me. I ignore that completely and his behaviour improved absolutely. It reminded me how quickly it works

Ive just read this thread with interest.

We use the time out corner if DS's behaviour is something we have said No to - throwing things is a big one, or hitting at the moment. However if he doesn't want to do something that I'm asking him to do he - brushing his teeth, putting his shoes on, he says No, corner!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love the idea of using thank you instead of please - and will tuck that one up my sleeve.