How do you react to a naughty baby?

[AvrilH]

My 8 month old DD has just learned to crawl. She goes directly to the few things she is not allowed to touch and cackles with glee as she touches them while looking around to see my reaction.

So far I have responded with "Ah Ah", picking her up and moving her elsewhere. She thinks this is a great game and goes directly back to the radiator. Obviously my response has had the opposite effect to the one intended. So what should we be doing?

All babies and toddlers seem to be different with how much they heed people telling them not to touch things btw. DD's pretty good, even in all my aunties' houses with all their bloody china/crystal dogs/figurines on low shelves/on the floor!

No such thing as a 'naughty'baby.Baby sees that a certain action gets a response so she does it again.You move her,great game-'I'll move there again and mummy will pick me up and we can do it all over again.Hooray mummy is playing with me.Oh is that a pile of bricks/toy teapot/teddy bear/plastic clothes peg?Mummy lets play with that instead.'

When you call her perfectly normal baby behaviour naughty you are taking it personally, and setting the scene for some sort of completely unnecessary power struggle thing that only exists in your mind. All you have to do is move the things you don't want her to touch and change your attitude. Really, she doesn't know or understand at all at 8 months that she is 'not allowed to touch' certain things no matter how many times you say No or Ah Ah... And a treasure box is a fabulous thing for a baby to explore.

Okay, I won't use the word "naughty" and the treasure chest is an excellent idea, which I will be using.

However, mathanxiety, there is no power struggle here, and I am not taking it personally - perhaps you are projecting?

It is simply not feasible to remove all the things I don't want her to touch (the cooker, radiators, plug sockets, wires, visiting tiny babies...) Of course I don't expect obedience, and have child proofed as much as possible. But so far my efforts to discourage her from playing with e.g. radiators, have had exactly the opposite effect, and she now finds them much more exciting than e.g. her toys or coffee tables or cupboards. This is not what I had intended to happen!

I know she won't really burn herself badly from the radiators, but the central heating will be on soon and I hate to think of it hurting her at all.

I don't think I am projecting: "cackles with glee as she touches them while looking around to see my reaction" is the phrase that had me thinking you believe she does what she does in order to push your buttons, plus your use of the word "naughty". If things can't be removed, then you're going to have to get up over and over again and remove her from the things or other babies you don't want her to touch, because she can't understand No or Ah Ah or probably any language or words yet. I found that after touching things that were quite hot, like the oven door, curious crawling babies learned to understand the word "hot", and generally stayed away. If the radiator poses a danger, perhaps you could wrap some sort of quilt or insulation around it. As for sockets, can you get the plastic plug-in socket guards that keep babies from sticking their fingers into them? Wires -- can they be tacked to the wall somehow? Sometimes pretending to ignore the behaviour (while obviously stepping in if there's real danger) can reduce the fun of touching things. Babies love responses from adults, hence the popular baby game of drop the toy from the high chair.

i don't thing mathanxiety is projecting. I htink she is right. sorry. it does sound like you are unwittingly setting the stage for power struggles. agree with those who said 'attitude adjustment'.

Avril, just because she doesn't learn something right now, doesn't mean she's not going to learn it. You need to prepare yourself for another two + years of her exploring her world and not learning things as soon as you say them to her. She won't learn not to touch certain things until she's much older.

Sorry!

Trying to think about the radiator situation and what we did with the other two, they must have touched them, got burned and never done it again.

I tend to think how do you know not to bang your head off a wall if you don't do it and go ouch that hurts.

DD3 is 14 months and her "thing" at the moment is the blind cords, they are put up out her way. That and one room baby proofed, gates at either end keeps me sane.

My TV currently has a pile of bags and cushions in front of it because dd loves to go and play with the digital box which makes the lead fall out and then stick her fingers in the video and get them stuck. This is agamne which seems to get more exciting every day. She is not naughty, she just remembers that it was fun, she wants to do it more, it is way more interesting than her toys so when mummy takes her away she goes back.

They do learn pretty quickly but from what I remember with ds was that he understood not to touch things if there was a good reason (oven, hot) but others he just grew out of (somehow don't get all the cds out because it is really annoying for mummy doesn't work as well)

Seems a slight overreaction to the original use of the word naughty.... and the implication that the op is setting herself up for power struggles later etc.... I'd say ease up on the scaremongering and over-dramatisation of the situation myself.

Regards the question at hand, I'd just ignore as much as possible. They get bored and find something else to play with. What your baby is doing is 'exploring' your reaction and you are teaching her exactly how to get a fun reaction out of you at the moment.

Good luck! This stage is fun, but exhausting!

Gosh what an overreaction to a mother asking for advice on how to deal with her crawling baby!

All this talk about power struggles and overuse of the word naughty.

Can't we get back to giving plain old common sense advice? If if not advice, then sympathy and understnadning?

Bascially AvrilH, when dealing with a naughty investigative crawling baby, you need eyes at the back of your head and as many arms as an octopus.

Don't worry, you'll get through this phase somehow.

i agree belgo, massive over-reaction to 'naughty', no need to scare op away or upset her!!

when dd went through this i would say 'no' in a firm voice and distract her with a favourite toy. it did take a while to sink in but better, in my opinion, than moving everything out of the way as when you visit another house those things will still be new and exciting and she wont understand not to touch. you cant expect others to move everything too.

we did this with dd1 and she now never touches ornaments/radiators etc at ours or others houses she has learnt that everything isnt always hers!

good luck, we will be doing it all again with dd2 soon!!

Avril, she's not being naughty in pushing your buttons, what she's seeking from you is a reaction - it's why babies enjoy games like peekaboo, they learn that they cover their eyes and you make a funny face/sound.

Enjoying the "ah ah" when she touches the radiator is no different to enjoying the "peekaboo!" when she covers and uncovers her eyes.

The only solution at this age is to remove the objects that really matter (like hot cups of tea, irons etc), distract from the objects that you would prefer her not to touch but it's impractical to remove (eg tiny babies) and ignore the objects that don't really matter.

Radiators, for eg, don't really matter if you have a normal central heating system. She may get a little scald one day but she won't hurt herself severely. And the more you react and let her push your buttons, the more it becomes a game.

At this age they will do everything once. If you just ignore/distract they will likely not do it again. If you make a funny noise and jump up and down they will do it again. Save the "ah ah" for later, is my advice.

We are going through this with our 8 month old DD at the moment too. We're allowing her to explore as much of the house as possible and not making too many things off limits (to save our sanity more than anything else), bar the obvious safety concerns such as electrical equipment.

So hard to not smile/laugh but we sound like broken records at the moment with constant 'no's and picking her up hoping she'll head off in another direction, just for her to turn right back round and head back towards the contraband...(wires, DVD player, cat's tail etc)

I think as with all things it's about consistency so I'd say stick with what you're doing. Although we found DD thought the 'ah ah' noise was hilarious and started mimicking us, so now we just use 'no'. Of course she doesn't understand what it means yet, but at least she doesn't laugh .

oh and btw I agree, no need to demonise the OP for using the word naughty.

But at the same time, it's helpful to point out to people when they have an inappropriate expectation of what their child can understand.

At this age a baby simply doesn't have the concept of obedience, naughtiness, rules etc. You might as well call a baby "stupid" for not being able to walk at 8 months.

I don't think the OP was being in any way unreasonable to use the word, but I don't think the other posters were being unreasonable to point out that its use is based on a misunderstanding of what a child that age is capable of. It saves a lot of heartache to know when your expectations, however laudable, are unlike to ever be fulfilled

Lesson of the day .... Don't use the word naughty on MN, you'll get flamed! No one's little darlings are ever 'naughty' on here, just curious and

Well my 3 yo is quite capable of being naughty. He knows the rules and he knows when he's not following them. And I would have no hesitation in calling a spade a spade in that case.

But my 9 mo is not naughty - how should he know that when I squeal and clap because he's taken an independent step it's good, but when I make a similar noise because he's crawling towards the top step of our stairs, it's bad?

I don't think that's being precious or pc, it's just realising what a child is capable of understanding.

Next person to make a tut tut tut comment on the baby niot being naughty gets an automatic 12 months ban from MN.

Puppymonkey, it does get a bit tedious, doesn't it?

OP, my ds is at the same stage and it's a pain, but just keep distracting her with something else more exciting than a boring old radiator

But the thing is, I don't think it's just unhelpful tutting (well, maybe some of it is, but not all).

The thing about labelling it "naughtiness" is it sets up the wrong solution.

Naughtiness, in my book, is when a child knows they are doing something wrong and does it anyway. The solution is to reinforce that what they are doing is unacceptable by whatever means floats your boat - time out, telling off, whatever.

The problem is, an 8 month old doesn't know what they are doing is wrong, and won't understand the concept of "wrong" if you tell them. By telling them off and saying "no" and "ah ah" you are just giving them a fun reaction and reinforcing that this is an exciting pass-time.

ultimately, if you don't want your child to touch the radiator, whack the telly, whatever, you can say "uh-oh" until you're blue in the face but it will not work until they are of an age to understand. As the OP pointed out, smiling and saying "ah ah" has had the opposite outcome to the one she wanted.

By pointing out the fact that the child is not being naughty, just curious, people are trying to help the OP arrive at a solution that will work. I don't think this is sanctimonious or preachy, it's being practical.

hey - going to be slightly childish here - hmmpff... everyone is agreeing with Belgo, but I think I made the same point first... feeling rather ignored.

sob sob.

I need to get a life.

You are quite right bergen, you did make the point first. [pats head]

bergentulip - love your name btw - yes you totally made the point first and I was in fact agreeing with you!