22 month old son does not talk am so worried help

[wondermum1]

Please help, my 22 month old ds does not talk, he says random words and some are clear, like daddy, and some aren't like duckyou which means thank you. He does not say words unless really pushed and then they are pretty unclear. He does not seem to finish consonants well, for example, duck to him is duuuu. He is happy, affectionate, very physical (runs, climbs, walked early etc) and I took him to a speech therapist at 18 months who said he was speech delayed but she had no concerns. Today, my nursery school teacher said she had concerns over his development. I rushed him to a paedeatrician who said he thinks he is normal, and suggests some speech therapy. Has anyone had anything similar? Anyone got a 22month old or thereabouts who does not speak? I feel sick with worry that he is not developing properly and my husband thinks I am over-reacting.

love them making the noises for animals. They are adorable all loved up cos he is FAST ASLEEP yay. (he skipped his only nap today and oh my was he a handful... had to go to dr for me and he ended up on my lap jabbing his fingers up my nose while i am trying to remain coherent.. didnt happen and giggles ensued. Doc not amused.. )

Hi Wondermum,

I am lingle, mother to DS1(6) and DS2(4). Let's just say I have well over 500 posts on the special needs board about DS2's language so I know where you are coming from. It's a difficult time.

I hope you don't mind if I'm a bit direct as it's bedtime! Coaching him to repeat (been there, done that, it didn't help)isn't the best way to teach him and if you do one thing, it should be to learn alternative techniques right at this early stage - the kind of things that you would do if you were a speech therapist yourself. Pop over to the special needs board if you're brave, talk to a speech therapist, or, even better, spend some money buying a book called "It Takes Two to Talk" published by the Hanen Foundation ~(www.hanen.org). It's eyewateringly expensive (though sells for £20 on Ebay) but I'd have spent ten times the money (make that twenty) as it showed me how to talk to DS2 in the best way to help him understand and eventually speak. It will show you what to do. Your husband will like it too: it's positive, clear, can be followed even if you're losing sleep, has no milestone charts, and doesn't mention Aspergers syndrome or indeed any other scary syndrome or -ism whatsoever. I promise it won't freak you out. (Other books by equally clever people tend to stick in some scary stories or yucky examples with the result that you end up paralysed with fear and probably interacting less with your child than before!!!)

best wishes, good to hear he's pointing and responding to points a bit.

Thank you Lingle, I'll have a look at it. As you can see it's 1am and I can't sleep as it is on my mind. I will definitely look at the book, and in my opinion, money is no object to make sure my son is ok, if I have to beg, borrow or steal!

wonder Your ds really sounds like my ds1 was....he is a very sweet natured sensitive boy but he just didnt talk!

The signs to be really worried about are;

1. if you dont think he can hear you
2. if he doesnt respond to you normally or
3. if you dont think he understands what you say...from your posts it sounds like none of these apply to your ds?

I know it is very worrying - particularly when family members get involved with their commments!! - but try to remember that comparing your child to others is a sure way to make yourself worry needlessly.

Becaroo, he understands some things and not others, he can understand where are your slippers? What is his name? Where is the dog? Where is your head? But other things he looks blank. We have booked an assessment at speech therapist on 30th sept and we'll make a start. I may get a full hearing test done too!! When did your boy talk?

erm i really wonder why they are making so many people so worried about this?

it's such a common post '2 yo only uses single words'

18 mo is only an average time to start talking - by the very nature of averages 50% of people will start after there.

my sister uttered her first words of any kind aged 2.5 now you can't shut her up she speaks fine. (in fact is a teacher so spends all day talking)

although yes starting later than average can be a sign of a problem, also, in most cases, it isn't. If nothing else is wrong and they seem to undersatnd what's the problem?

FWIW my 2yo's speech is rather worse than that!

oneopinionatedmother,

I take your point. However, rightly or wrongly, the headmistress has now got wondermum losing sleep with worry. So she may as well channel her anxiety into something positive.

Whether the head should have applied her personal experience so directly is another matter. We can all get a bit passionate about trying to stop others repeating our mistakes and forgetting they are not us.

The other thing is that you're quite right about it not mattering so much how they "speak" at this age. It's not really about speaking, it's about (i) hearing (ii) understanding (iii) showing/pointing and (iv)wanting to interact with you. Most kids who aren't spontaneously showing and pointing by 2 years and who don't understand language as well as their peers do have a problem. The old approach of "wait and see" was based on a pessimistic assumption that "there's not much you can do about it" but that's just not true. There's lots you can do . I'm off to do some with DS2 right now in fact! He's going to be just fine but has needed lots of help from me.

oneopinionatedmother,

I take your point. However, rightly or wrongly, the headmistress has now got wondermum losing sleep with worry. So she may as well channel her anxiety into something positive.

Whether the head should have applied her personal experience so directly is another matter. We can all get a bit passionate about trying to stop others repeating our mistakes and forgetting they are not us.

The other thing is that you're quite right about it not mattering so much how they "speak" at this age. It's not really about speaking, it's about (i) hearing (ii) understanding (iii) showing/pointing and (iv)wanting to interact with you. Most kids who aren't spontaneously showing and pointing by 2 years and who don't understand language as well as their peers do have a problem. The old approach of "wait and see" was based on a pessimistic assumption that "there's not much you can do about it" but that's just not true. There's lots you can do . I'm off to do some with DS2 right now in fact! He's going to be just fine but has needed lots of help from me.

Our 22 month old has quite limited vocab.

He says:

Mama
Dada
Nanna
DadDad (Grandad)
Baba (bye bye)
Dacda (tractor)
Daidy (daisy)
Maaaaa (every time Waybuloo comes on, why I do not know!)

More often, he makes animal noises / impressions (including pigs, cows, lions, rabbits etc ... honestly if there was an animal impersonation milestone!!).

I'm aware, but not worried. He's trying to copy and very interactive, has started babbling loads over the last fortnight (as if he is totally understandable but isn't) and understands everything (worryingly so!).

But just to say that it is so annoying when well meaning relatives comment. Every time my MIL gets on the phone (she lives quite a way away) she asks if he is saying words "yet". Helpful, not.

I'm sure your lo will be chatting away before you know it. But you have to follow your gut instinct and investigate more if it will reassure you. Good luck

Lingle, thanks for that, do you mind me asking you a bit more? When you talk about understanding, he will take a hairbrush and try and brush his hair of his own accord, if I say let's wash our hands, he runs to the bathroom as he enjoys that. He will fetch his slippers, he can make Iggle Piggle talk by pressing his foot...BUT things like look out the window and look at the car, draws a blank, anyway we're going for therapy and now I'm getting him a hearing test too!

I think it is good that the nursery have brought this to your attention I am sure he will be fine but if there is a problem then early intervention is so important I would have his hearing checkef again in the colder weather as this apparently makes a difference

wonder - my ds1 was 3 before he was talking properly. Now he never shuts up!!! His vocab is also very advanced for his age I would never have believed it when he was 22 months though......

"BUT things like look out the window and look at the car, draws a blank"

um, well if you're asking him in order to test him then, being the clever lad he is, he will sense this. Think of testing and coaching as not being real communication IYSWIM.

I'm no expert but I think you spot a delay in understanding language (both my boys have/had this) with the following kinds of close observations. Find a command/question/language pattern that you use daily with success eg "can you sit on your stool" (you need your own example). Now vary it, using an alternative word that is within his vocabulary eg "can you sit on your teddy?" A twinkle in the eye is ok I think but don't point to the teddy. If without thinking twice he still sits on the stool, then he may struggle with listening and processing language. It's called a receptive language delay. I've never come across anyone with a child with persistent speech problems (I mean persisting into the fourth year) who didn't either have an element of receptive language delay or mouth muscle problems (but I'm not a speech therapist, just a mum who talks to a lot of other mums of kids with language problems).

So the kinds of goals you're looking at long term would be

• looking around for teddy or pointing to teddy when mum says "where's teddy?"

• understanding a command that's a departure from the daily routine eg "sit down on your teddy" intead of "sit down on your stool"
• being able to follow two step commands like "first turn around, then jump!" (not at 22 months though- that's for later I think).

Assuming there are no problems with the mouth muscles, these goals are much more important than the "expressive language" goals ie how much he talks - but of course as parents we concentrate on how much they talk and it's easier for a speech therapist to get a accurate answer to "how much does he say?" than the tricker "how much does he understand?"

Dont worry, 22 is still too early, my 2.6 year old does not talk fluently, she does say 3 to 4 word sentances. Her friend came today, she is 2.8 years and talks fluently. Each child is differnt and will walk and talk at different ages. Of course if they are about 3.5-4 and not talking than i would be concerned. I myself apparently did not talk properly till i was 3 and potty trained at same time according to my mum, cant shut me up now and have done well acadmically. Too much pressure is put onto parents that they child has to do such and such by a certain age which allows no differences in the individual child. Dont worry. What you can do is talk to him, read when out point out things, dont use baby language.

"Too much pressure is put onto parents that they child has to do such and such by a certain age which allows no differences in the individual child"

Yes I agree so far as talking goes but it's not about the talking. It's about the understanding, the pointing, the wanting to communicate, the responsiveness and having mouth muscles that work. That should be in place by 2.

I do agree that "is he talking yet?" is not a useful screening tool. Stanley Greenspan (child development guru and all round good guy) says that at the 2 year stage health visitors should screen by asking "how does he tell you want he wants?". They should look not for speech per se but for pre-verbal communication abilities (pointing to the fridge, looking at fridge door then back at mum then back at fridge door then pointing them looking back at mum etc. etc. ).

As long as his hearing is fine than dont worry. I think that your nursery teacher is overreacting just take it with a pinch of salt personally.

I do not think its wrong to get a child checked out but its a shame OP is so worried.

I have a DS (2) with lang and speech delay. Ironically he probably said more than his younger brother who is now 21 mths (DS3).

But I am not worried about my 21mth old. He doesnt say very much at all. Less than the OP's child.

My DS2 did not understand instructions and did not appear to have heard what i said (although his hearing is fine). His overall development was slower and his behaviour indicated frustration at his surroundings.

DS3 is happy and can understand what I say to him. He follows instructions and can point to his nose etc. If I say 'Where is DS2?' he will look for him. He is social and has good eye contact. But he doesnt talk at all!

I suppose I am lucky because I work with delayed and disabled children so can see things in perspective IYSWIM. I know that late talking can be an indicator of a problem but is not always a problem in itself.

But that is because I work with children with ASD, Global Delay and all kinds of conditions. Years ago I worried a lot more.

Yes totally, if wondermums ds is showing understanding of things and interest in the environment, able to recognise objects and is making speech sounds which he is than talking should come in time. Sometimes children have it all in the head but are not able to verbalise yet as they do not have the skills. I was training as a psychologist before putting on hold to have dd, and have studied child psych as part of my degree so do have some idea.

You just have to look at the bigger picture not just one aspect of the childs development and just keep an eye on it.

Lingle, he doesn't really tell me what he wants, I seem to anticipate it. Unless you count him going to his book shelf and taking books and bringing them to me, I suppose that is one way. Also he takes my hand a lot and leads me to what he wants, is that ok? I really take on board what you're saying and tomorrow I will ask him to do something like sit on the floor and then sit on the toy and see what he does. If he looks confused, do you think that is enough or should he actually go and sit on the toy??

OK, thank you all. Chegirl, what stage is DS2 now? Does he talk? Is he developed more now? Pigletmania thank you for your comments, he does all those things although I do feel he could do more, I do believe he is slightly behind but not terribly behind. Well, I hope I'm right. Will know more by end of this week after hearing test and in couple of weeks after speech therapist sees him. Have also ordered some Richard Scarrey books as they are supposed to be good (recommended by paedeatrician). Incidentally, brother in law did not speak until he was 3.

"Unless you count him going to his book shelf and taking books and bringing them to me, I suppose that is one way"

Ooh yes I sure that counts! hurray! . You see? He solved that complex problem without words.

"Also he takes my hand a lot and leads me to what he wants, is that ok?"

oh yes oh yes that counts too. Later on he should be doing other things more like pointing and speaking but only later.

My lad didn't do those things. He interacted joyfully and copied spontaneously and played delightfully but couldn't figure out how to "show" me what he wanted .

But with your final questions you've pushed me right to the edge of the cliff of what I know and I've fallen off!!!!!! But I reckon if he looks confused then he's registered the difference. Now I'm scared one of my speech therapist buddies from the Special Needs board will pop up and say I'm talking rubbish .

I think chegirl's descriptions of her two different children are really helpful as well.

Armed with the Hanen book, a little boy who's clearly well on his way, and lots of spontaneous joyful interaction with your son (no coaching!!!!), you'll be unstoppable, have fun and avoid putting your marriage under strain (which sadly is what can tend to happen - the parents get polarised). But if you do suspect he has problems understanding what you say, and you want speech therapy, make sure you hammer that point home with the speech therapist.

Hi,

DS2 is 6 now. He can speak and pronounces things clearly. But his understanding is way behind. Its complicated. He will chat away about Dr Who for ages but ask him a question and he looks v.confused and then starts chatting about Dr Who again! He is a bit like someone who is ok but not fluent in a foreign language IYSWIM.

A lot of people family say 'oh he is fine!' because they see him 3 times a year and he can rattle away at them. But he cannot read or write, cannot follow anything other than v.simple instructions and struggles at school.

Personally I think that an understanding of language is much more important than the ability to say lots of words. With the former you can be pretty sure that the latter will (did I get that the right way round?) will follow at some point. Not being able to talk causes frustration tantrums but it is unlikely to contribute to further developmental delays IMO.

But I do think that any worries are worth checking out. Does no harm.