is shared play impossible with four year gap?

[AnnieSG]

Hi
I'm really tearing my hair out at the moment and feeling really inadequate. I have two boys, two and six and they are such a pain when they are together just with me. I seem to be unable to find activities that will satisfy both of them and they are very competitive for my time. Even just playing in the garden seems to go wrong within five minutes and I end up telling off the bigger boy and comforting the endless wailing of the smaller one. Sorry this is such a moan but I feel really down about it. Just wondered if anyone else felt as crap as me on this issue, or better still, if they have any suggestions???

Ah Tamum, that's nice to read as it's my situation. But yesterday ds (3.8) and dd (4 months) were playing together so nicely. Ds was the doctor with his doctor kit and dd was the patient (not that she knew this). Ds listened to her heart, tested her blood pressure etc etc etc while she lay there and grinned and cooed at him. Made me go all melty!

Ohh aloha, I'm not surprised you went melty! That's so sweet. One of my favourite moments in my whole life was the first time dd laughed out loud- she was 3 months, and ds was mucking around with a toy car brumming it very loudly just to amuse her. He was so gratified that he was the one to make her laugh. And it's just got better from there

Just to show how silliness is the great leveller across age gaps, all three of mine are currently in the sandpit, alternately making sheep noises and singing 'I'm a Barbie girl'. Go figure.

annie,
I get this endless wailing problem as well with my 2 sons, and there is only 2 years between them. I think it is because the younger son always loses fights, races, in-demand-toys etc, so he gets frustrated.
It drives me round the twist too, and I havent really solved it, but heres my thoughts.
First, I have a zero tolerance policy on wailing, unless a child has been physically injured. Otherwise with 4 kids, I wouldnt be able to hear myself think!
Second, I try to impose fairness, but it does seem impossible at times, and of course the older ones think I'm always standing up for ds2. But in the easter egg hunt, ds2 found far more eggs than the older ones did despite being younger and wearing glasses. So I hope this helped him to start realising that he can do things by himself....it is a long haul though!

Thanks, Nightynight. And I am completely in awe of you dealing with four....

Sometimes I think a third would be nice, then I smack myself really hard with a frying pan and I'm alright again!

Inspired by that House of Tiny Tearaways prog recently, I too have started to ignore the wailing if it's just attention-seeking. He gets it too - I say, 'I'll give you a cuddle when you stop making that silly noise,' and he somehow just switches it right off!
I've had a big realisation since writing this thread, which is that I think the elder's inability to play alone is kind of at the root of it all. I had a brilliantly uplifting clearing out/sorting session with his toys yesterday and it has really inspired him. Here's hoping!

PS, the image of the little guy in his glasses, finding the Easter eggs has created an incredibly sweet picture in my mind too!

hi annie
yes, it was rather cute!

I guess it is a phase that will pass. Though, tbh, I did think ds2 would have grown out of it by age 5!!

I so wanted the fourth baby - funny, I haven't had any longings for a fifth one so far.