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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Baby cries at our meal time every day!

50 replies

heartmoonshadow · 26/08/2009 18:39

Hi,

I know this is a very silly thing to ask but my baby is nearly 8 weeks old and since he was born every time we eat he screams the place down. Half hour before we eat we feed him, burp him, change his nappy etc. If by chance he falls asleep he instantly wakes up the second we begin our meal. Anybody any ideas as it is beginning to wear me down not knowing what is the matter with him.

I also thought it could be colic so tried infacol with his feeds, to no avail, I am pretty sure he is just attention seeking - would you leave him to cry just for the 15mins/half hour you are eating.

Thanks in advance for advice

HMS

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SpawnChorus · 27/08/2009 08:40

HMS - don't worry...I think you were jumped on a bit harshly for describing it as attention seeking. Strictly speaking, it's probably quite an accurate description! Babies do seek attention because it's one of their base requirements. Unfortunately the phrase is associated with older children/adults who are consciously and manipulatively trying to get attention. I really didn't think you meant it this way though

Hope you're reassured from the many posts of here that your DCs mealtime crying is normal behaviour and not due to anything being done "wrong". It's a phase and it will pass!

MrsBadger · 27/08/2009 08:43

sorry about that - I didn't mean it to be judgemental or a personal dig.
Some baby books have agendas like this (am thinking Gina Ford, Ferber etc) and IMO they can really poison a mother's experience with her newborn and undermine her confidence in her own instincts.

Did you go to an antenatal class? I found it was really easy to get housebound and isolated with a newborn unless you force yourself to make an effort.
A posse of real-life people who have babies the same age as yours, even if they're not people you would neccesarily pick as friends, can be a lifeline if you are short of family/friend support. The NCT are good (if a bit hippyish for some), or you may find you have a baby cafe, surestart centre, children's centre or similar near you. If all else fails, sign up for some baby classes (rhyme time, music, swimming, anything) and drag the other parents out for coffee afterwards.

You sound like you're doing pretty well though - good luck with the one-handed eating!

SpawnChorus · 27/08/2009 08:44

Oh, and re: leaving him to cry, no I think he's still too young to be left to cry unattended for 15 mins. It's just a case of gritting your teeth and cuddling him while trying to eat, even if he's grumbling.

ExtraFancy - fab photo!

Hulababy · 27/08/2009 08:56

Have you tried moving your meal times about? Could you have a larger meal at lunch if he is happier then, and then snack at night? Or eat once he is down for the evening?

Flamesparrow · 27/08/2009 08:59

We did shifts with both of ours too.

Original poster

heartmoonshadow · 27/08/2009 09:02

Thank you Mrs Badger comment much appreciated. I have met a few people at the doctors during health check ups but to be honest I am not the sort of person who likes to burden others with my problems.

I think one of the issues is I live is a small village which has a rising elderly population - alovely place to live but as you say isolating. I have tried the classes for baby massage etc but I find some of the instructors a bit patronising so I have resorted to asking a lot of stuff in here.

One glimmer of light is that a cousin of mine is due to have a baby anytime soon as she is 1 week overdue so I will have someone to be with, I know she will be as clueless as me but we will get there.

Once again thanks to everyone for their advice.

HMA

OP posts:

Original poster

heartmoonshadow · 27/08/2009 09:03

I forgot to add I don't leave him unattended to cry I put him by us.

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 27/08/2009 09:06

the instructors may be patronsising but it's the other mums you need to collar, just to share what you're going through.

Is there a toddler group in your church/village hall? even if ds is a bit young yet it'd be a good opportunity for a cup of tea and a chinwag. Mothers of older children like nothing more than giving advice to first-timers - witness MN!

priyag · 27/08/2009 13:31

Does this happen at every meal or just in the evening ?

carrie1985 · 03/09/2009 03:26

my baby did that from day 1 and still does it occasionly. i had a swing and put him in that with pocoyo on....worked a charm for me!

seeker · 03/09/2009 06:55

It doesn't matter what the instructors are like at the baby classes - it's the other mothers you need. Use the classes as a way to find people to go for coffee with, to go to the park with - just to generally hang out with. It doesn't matter if they aren't your usual "type" - at this stage the fact that they have a bay the same age as yours is all you need!

Oh, and mine did the meal time crying. Dd was born on December 21st, and we still remember that the only meal she let us eat together both using two hands for what felt like months was Christmas dinner! At the time we felt that this showed her unusual levels of empathy - that she understood that it was a special day. Not bad for a 4 day old!

hettie · 03/09/2009 09:11

it's very very common for babies to get grisly in the evening (ie from 5 pm onwards). We had this with ds- it was almost like we would get the cutlery out and then he would start. A helpful health visitor (they do exist!) pointed out it was very common. Babies seem to get a bit over it all by the end of the day, bit over tired/over stimulated etc. Some people call it colic, sometimes it is gastric (don't know why but feeds in later in the day seem to cause more wind) but all I do know was that it stopped at about 12 weeks.

colditz · 03/09/2009 09:15

They can smell the food, I think, and it makes them think they're hungry again.

I wouldn't leave a tiny baby to cry for that long, and there is nothing wrong with babies seeking attention - they need attention to survive, of course they seek it. Take it in turns to eat, and get a microwave!

LovelyCup0fTea · 03/09/2009 10:38

We had the same problem. I ended up with a box of nutrigrain by the bed for breakfast for a few weeks, eating lunch at any time between 11am and 3pm depending on her nap time and evening meals were always in shifts.

BUT

My midwife was very clear on the subject though, and said that you need to eat, specially if you are breast feeding. If your baby is fed,the right temp, not in pain etc then if you have to leave them to cry while you eat, then do it.

Keep on trying, it really does improve (for us it was about 10 weeks when she started getting a bit drowsier in the evenings)

sockmonkey · 03/09/2009 11:08

My lovely first MW told me after the birth of DS1 "You will need to learn how to eat one handed or not have a warm meal for a loooong time"
She was right. Both mine grizzled while we ate. It does pass though

priyag · 04/09/2009 08:06

Hi HMS,

I hope things are getting better for you. A friend of mine had this problem every evening, and she solved it by expressing some milk in the morning and topping up in the evening. Also a nice warm bath and swaddling the baby really firmly before putting her in a moses basket next to them when they had their meal, also helped.

mumofeve · 04/09/2009 10:09

My DS still does this at 5.5mths, although it's moved to whinging and shrieking rather than crying now. We all eat together as a family at 6ish (with DD), and I have an ongoing battle discussion with DH who wants to put whingey DS into the living room whilst we eat inthe dining room! I'm wondering now whether DS just fancies some of our food as am just about to wean him.

LittleDoe · 04/09/2009 20:40

HMS - we are going through the same thing with our 5 week old DS. If I know he has been recently fed - which he always has been as he generally feeds at 5pm for half an hour, then 6pm for half an hour (cluster feeding I guess), and we then eat ourselves at 6.30pm - I can see no harm in letting him cry for 10 mins whilst we eat our dinner. Yes its very annoying and I feel awful letting him cry but we need to eat too esp as I'm breastfeeding. He can't be starving, just a bit fractious I guess.

However I think we're going to try to change our routine a bit to give him his bath and try to get him down BEFORE we eat our dinner. Not sure if it will work but figure it's worth a try. Could you do the same?

RoryGilmore · 04/09/2009 20:45

they have a radar for when you're eating/starting to watch CSI/have just got in the shower.

You will learn to eat very very quickly, and yes - yet another vote for eating in shifts. (if one of you has to hold the baby, cover your dinner in foil to keep it warm, then swap when the other has finished.

it will get better, quite soon...

Boodlerpoop · 05/09/2009 23:13

Oh god, thought it was only me Although must say it's put mew right off food and must be the best post-pregnancy diet ever

HarryB · 06/09/2009 08:42

OP, you mean you haven't mastered the one-armed dinner yet? You haven't cut up DH's food like he's 5 years old just so you can eat together, like, err, adults.

I know it's exhausting and you don't get a break, not even to eat dinner, but get used to it. DS is now 8 months and we are whinged at/hit by flying toys/bottles/spoons/ from his high chair throughout dinner. But at least we can once again eat with a knife and fork.

purepurple · 06/09/2009 08:54

Eating a cold dinner with one hand, while rocking a bouncy chair with your foot, while having a conversation with DH and calming a crying baby, with one eye on the news.
Now that's multi-tasking
and a normal occurence in thousands of households up and down the land.

nauseous · 06/09/2009 21:50

Same experience here - they smell the food I reckon! We did shift eating, brought a lid for one plate to the table, did complicated feeding each other . Beware doing this with hot food though! We had a small accident with hot rice on the lo and it was awful.

Once your lo can go in a bouncy chair with a toybar... you may be able to eat a whole meal - at the right temperature - again..?

Great picture extrafancy!

mumofeve · 07/09/2009 11:10

Purepurple - add a toddler refusing to eat her dinner to that mix and you have the perfect recipe for permanent indigestion!

Mattaranixon · 20/08/2019 11:51

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