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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ignoring Boys

41 replies

Twinsmum · 24/03/2001 14:18

I am mum to two boys and am really, really fed up of the total bias towards girls in many shops and magazines.
Walk into most shops and you'll see rails and rails of lovely colourful clothes for girls.....then half a dozen khaki coloured t-shirts for boys.
Magazines like Junior (v good mag other than this) make such a fuss about girls.
I have a god daughter who is wonderful, and the daughters of my friends are all lovely but boys are beautiful too and they deserve more attention.

Anyone else feel the same?

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Inkpen · 07/12/2001 17:25

Chanelno5 - I've just been to read the thread you mention! No, of course I don't mean to imply that my sweet sensitive sparkly boy is not also a little thug! Oh, the events I had to leave when he was two and three ... At one stage we only seemed to go to the park because at least he could have the tantrums in private! I got so embarrassed at Tumbletots with all these cute girls doing all the songs and actions while my ds ran round in circles ...
Now, interestingly enough, I recently entertained a newly-met two year old boy. My own two year old girl is fairly tranquil, so I was taken aback by this little boy - was his behaviour boyish or have I just got used to a quieter personality, I wondered? He was far more active, more ready to jump on things, kick out, trample around etc. ... Not badly behaved, you understand, just - well, lively! Got me thinking about the gender gap again ...

ChanelNo5 · 07/12/2001 19:42

How true, Inkpen, lots of boys do go through a rather boisterous (I'm being kind there) stage at age 2-3 yrs, my eldest did and my youngest isn't quite there yet, but no doubt he'll be exactly the same. Now my eldest is 5, he's grown out of the hitting/kicking phase, now he's moved on to the cheeky/mimicking phase, but is still very silly and wild at times (most of the time, actually) However, I do find that I can win him over easier than my dd and that she is alot more stubborn and (dare I say) moody. All 3 of them are great though, real characters and full of spirit, so quite a handful!

jasper · 08/12/2001 01:52

This is very interesting. I have experienced the complete opposite, ie a definite bias towards boys. My dd was my first baby and even in advance of the birth a lot of women said to me something along the lines of "I hope you have a boy, boys are best". I was astonished at these remarks as I had always assumed women might have a alight unspoken bias towards girls, having once been girls ourselves!
Now I have a girl and a boy women still make remarks about boys being better, more loving, less complicated than girls!
I work in a very working class area of Scotland and I wonder of either of these factors play a part in this extraordinary attitude.
Janz, have you found this attitude at all? ( if my memory serves me correctly you are in the west of Scotland)

robinw · 08/12/2001 06:51

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ChanelNo5 · 08/12/2001 10:24

Robinw - This is a very difficult one. It is hard to suggest anything which would not cause friction within the family and it wouldn't be fair on you, your dh and children to put this pressure on yourselves. I think all you can do is give your niece lots of love and attention which I'm sure she will really appreciate. Perhaps your SIL will eventually realise the errors of her ways and rectify the situation herself.

I did have a similar situation to this with my MIL blatantly favouring my sons over my dd, but she is slowly improving. This is another complicated story which I can't really go into now as they are staying with us at the moment and I daren't risk them seeing, I'm sure that they think I'm an out-spoken old cow as it is! Maybe I will start a thread on it sometime and bore everyone.

jasper · 08/12/2001 23:27

Channelno5 you won't bore me, I will join in the debate! My mil blatantly favours my son over my daughter and her two other granddaughters. She even told me when she was drunk that she loved him the most.And that she loved my dh the most of her own four!
As posted elsewhere, she is moving in with us for a few days/weeks......argh!!

pamina · 15/12/2001 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

robinw · 16/12/2001 08:58

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ChanelNo5 · 16/12/2001 19:13

Robinw - just to side-track from this thread slightly, but it leads on from a comment in your last posting, I'm having problems with my dd (aged 3.5 yrs) acting babyish at the moment. I know that it is because she is jealous of ds (aged 19 mths) especially as he is going through a very 'cuddly/kissy' phase towards me and is being very lovable. I really do try to treat all 3 of them fairly by giving equal amounts of attention and cuddles etc. infact, as she is the only girl, she has probably always got slightly more attention from dh and me.

I can put up with her 'bad moods' and sulks as you can normally snap her out of them fairly quickly, but for the past about 3 wks she has started wetting her knickers. I'm sure that it is just attention-seeking rather than an infection or something else, as she is dry at playschool in the mornings and dry at night, but not when home with me. Also, it's not a full bladder empty, but enough to wet through to her trousers. When I ask her about it she just smirks and is not at all upset. I've tried buying her pretty knickers to persuade her to keep them dry and I've tried the cross approach when I've been at the end of my tether with yet another pair of wet knickers to wash! Any ideas because it's driving me mad? Thanks.

robinw · 17/12/2001 07:15

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Paula1 · 17/12/2001 09:57

ChanelNo5, I've got exactly the same thing with my son (but without the younger sibling), he's also 31/2, and insists on talking in a ridiculously babyish voice and pretending to be a baby, and started wetting again. It's getting very tedious!!

ChanelNo5 · 17/12/2001 13:40

Maybe it is a just a phase that they sometimes go through around this age then. I feel a bit better that your ds is doing it too, Paula1 (sorry for you though!), as I was starting to feel paranoid that I was unintentionally favouring one over the others (or atleast in dd's eyes!) Anyway, today I made a bid deal about letting her wear a new pair of Tweenie knickers and told her that if she keeps them dry she can phone (by herself) her Grandma and tell her that she kept her new knickers dry (she was pleased about this!) Fingers crossed so far!

JanZ · 17/12/2001 14:47

Jasper - I've only just seen your question of me (I hadn't really been reading this thread).

To be honest, I've not really come across any bias - but then, I don't know many other people with young kids. I also live and work in a very "middle class" environment. Also because I had a boy first, I may not have picked up any of these vibes.

I do think there is generally a bias in the West of Scotland though - although it is often the mothers that create it, by mothering their sons well into adulthood (and then wonder why they don't get off their backsides and leave home!). (Not something my parents did with me or my brother - we were practically kicked out!) Fortunately, although dh is a true Glaswegian (he tease me beciase technically I'm from outside the city boundary), he's also a "new man"!

Ironically part of me would have liked a girl - not because I didn't WANT a boy, but because I'm the eldest of a girl and a boy family and I thought that the added confidence that being the eldest would be useful for a girl. Having said that, I love Matthew dearly - wouldn't swap him for all the world. I do need to be careful though that if and when we try for another one (age is an issue), I must be happy with whatever nature delivers!

By the way - where do you practise? I've just found a good NHS practice in the centre of town (close to work), but it's always good to know of good dentists! (My last one went private on me)

bushbaby · 19/12/2001 22:00

Debenhams kids clothes have really improved in the last year or so - good quality, style and colours - for both girls and boys and this is someone who is not a fan of Debenhams.

robinw · 31/12/2001 07:33

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MelW · 13/01/2002 20:05

I totally agree with the sentiment that boys seem to be second best at the moment. I have two boys and while on the one hand they ARE full of energy they are also gentle and reflective. As for boys clothes after the age of two you are left with blue, red and sludge. What happened to deep purple? moss green? chocolate brown? sunshine yellow?

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