My 7 year old daughter has just left home

[golds]

I'm not joking

Some of you may recall other threads I have mentioned about her.

When she is lovely she is extremely lovely, she's bright, talented but very jealous of her younger brother. She has a strong temper and he is very placid, he never moans, complains, he's a lovely boy the majority of the time. She provokes him and whispers things to him to get him in trouble. I try and praise good behaviour and ignore bad, therefore it would appear he gets more.

Tonight he was playing with his lego nicely and she came along and destoyed it, I told her off and consoled him. She told me how much she hated me and told me I should just be a servant. With this she then said that she wanted to live with Nanny & Grandad and proceeded to pack her bags and phone them, she packed everything even her favourite ornaments and calender, school uniform and even her lunch box, my mum spoke to me and said call her bluff and send her round and we will talk to her.

She's just gone and I really don't know how to handle it, should I let her go for the night or kick up a right fuss, I just don't know, incidentally she has never stayed there overnight, she has always tried, but then cried to come home.

I know I am probably to blame for this, but I'm not sure how to rectify it. She couldn't wait to go and said she may see me up at school some time whilst I am taking ds and how much she prefered nannys dog more than me, dh or ds.

I try to give her loads of attention and praise, sometimes she gets exactly what she wants (probably thats the cause) but if she acts in such a bad manner most of the time, how am I supposed to turn it around.

Don't slate me, I am genuinly asking for advice on how best I can handle this so it won't backfire in my face, of course I love her dearly, but her behaviour is really bad at times.

I have been around for a year and dont remember you.I'm sure I would have posted something if I had seen that nickname. Wog is a derogatory and offensive term.

But hercules, it might have nothing to do with the derogatory use, it might have been a childhood mispronunciation of something or it could be an acronym....or anything. I think it's a bit unfair to have a go.

hercules I wasnt having a go - i was trying to have some fun and I am sorry that I have offended you!!!!!

I wasnt having a go but it is an offensive term regardless of the context.

Sending you (((((((hugs)))))))) Gold.
Don't worry - you are not a bad Mum - we can't choose or children and sometimes they are stronger willed then we know what to do with. My sister has one just like her who is now 15 and they have had lots of ups and downs BUT she will acknowledge that she loves her Mum and appreciates her - as much as a teenager can acknowledge that type of thing.

Let your Mum take some of this strain if she's willing to - I bet she comes home - at the end of the day when all is said and done you are her Mum and very important to her - even if she won't always acknowledge it. Believe me, that is why she lashes out at you - not a good way of saying "you're important to me Mum" but shows the strength of her feeling.
When she does come home take a deep breath and just reassure her that no matter how badly she behaves you love her anyway. Is there a way that the two of you could have some time alone together - just doing something she'd like to do and a chance to have some quality attention from her MUm.

Hope that helps and just remember that you're not a bad Mum just because she says such things to you.

Mandy

Not that I'm suggesting you don't give her quality attention. Terrible when writing cyber mail.

And WOG - are those your initials?

Err... since when did this become a thread about political correctness? Hercules, you have no idea why wog calls herself that, so I don't think you should be so heavy with her - and wog has no need to explain herself!

Golds - I'm sure everything will work itself out! It's amazing how soon they become Kevin the Teenager - mine's not even 5 yet!

Well a update - ds now safely asleep.

dd has phoned and told me that she is coming home, my mum and dad have tried to have a chat with her, but she's not letting on whats the matter. She has just told me she loves me and wants to forget about it all and she will be home in half an hour, I told her by then I will have ds in bed so we can have a little chat and a big hug.

Apparently whilst she was talking to my mum she had a big lump in her throat and decided she wanted to see me. She commented to M & D that she had no toys at their house and it was a bit boring, my mum told her it will always be like that, that she had to be in bed by 7 every night if she stayed and my dad tried to get her to do the washing up, that was enough to put her off staying.

I still have some issues to resolve with her as she cannot continue to talk to me that way and get away with it, I think I am going to ring the school nurse to make an appointment to see her, I am also going to record this day and see whether I have a similar experience this time next month.

As I said before, many thanks, I will let you know how I get on with things, watch this space. Hopefully my experiences will be of some help to others who may go through this aswell.

Your mum and dad sound very wise, Golds (so do you!) Enjoy your big hug.

ah bless her - she saw the light and realised she'd much rather be with her mummy (and he toys!!). Hope you have a calm evening after your eventful day!!

I will thankyou

(((golds))) just read your thread. glad to hear she is coming home of her own volition. Hope you have a good chat and things calm down a little. FWIW it sounds to me like you are taking a sensible approach and handling it well. Good luck

so glad that things are looking up

At the end of the day there really is nobody quite as warm and comforting as your Mum - even if you do call her a servant when enraged. Enjoy that lovely cuddle Gold - she honestly loves you.

Well god bless your mum and dad, didn't they do well! Hope you have a rapturous reunion . She loves you very much and doesn't mean the horrid things (and you are not to blame).

One of my daughters was a lot like yours when she was little - delightful or horrendous - we went head-to-head on a daily basis and she stormed out quite a few times. She is 19 now and we still love each other and she says she is glad I was firm with her (actually firm is an understatement)!

Tinker, I love what your DD said, what a sweetie.

Amanda, she called me a servant not the other way round, anyway that doesn't matter now. I just hope she has a little think about what she has done and we can work it out together.

Maybe this is all sent to prepare me for when it gets 100 times worse when she reaches her teens

Message withdrawn

Oops! My message writing skills are appalling - that's what I meant to say - that she called you a servant that is.

Yes - just re-read my post - appallingly written out.

Sorry, I wasn't offended and didn't mean to offend back.

Message withdrawn

Lots of constructive advice on here.It is not your fault.You mentioned she is very bright and children like that can push the boundaries,they know how to push the right buttons.I think let her go to her grandparents and tell her you love her and hope to see her at school and that you want her to be happy.I tis also important for your fam to be happy too!There is a 10 year age gap between me and my stepsister and i used to feel quite jealous of her at times.I ran away 3 times in my youth and once stood at the bus stop in rural Suffolk to go to my Granny in Ireland!Please try not to beat yourself up about this.Not everything our children do is our fault!

The things is, ds was quiet poorly last week (throat infection) so naturally he got alot of attention, I didn't realise that I was doing it so much and putting myself in her shoes I now see how she could have felt a little pushed out.

She should be back soon, so I will go for now and update later.