Describe your 5 yr old girls to me

[Peckarollover]

I'm worried about my DD.

I was talking to DP and my sister last night about how unhappy she seems to be most of the time and a few things struck me, Im now worrying!

It is really quite rare for her to be care free and full of fun. She is ALWAYS a step away from a meltdown, when something does trigger a meltdown she gets very, very angry often trying to destroy whatever it is that is around at the time or nipping herself or lashing out at people around her.

She can cry hysterically for a looooooooooong time if she is tantrumming and cant get her way!

In the last week or two she has said lots of things such as "You hate me" "I want a new Mummy" "You dont love me" "Why does no one listen to me" and then last night she actually packed a bag and asked me to ring her a taxi to find a new family!

She has started hitting me too which is a new thing, she has always been cheeky when in a tantrum but now she will hit out or kick me or her brother.

I want to know if this is all typical stuff and that the "you dont love me" stuff is being used by her to guilt me into to letting her do what she wants or if in fact there is some sort of problem.

Every day I think to myself that today will be a good day and try really hard to start the day off with huge cuddle and lots of positivity - Im lucky if I havent been called a "stupid pumpy horrible head" and a big hugg by the time she reaches the bottom of the stairs.

I am blaming myself a lot and putting it down to me having less patience and time for her because of all the other extra demands on my time and energy since christmas.

Sorry this is waffled - if you got this far could you tell me what you think!

Thanks everyone - I have had a quick word with the teacher this morning and Im having a meeting with her on Wednesday after school.

I have also rung the doctors and got her in to see the GP this afternoon at 4.30. What shall I mention to the doctor? Just the soiling herself problem or the whole thing? Will he be able to do anything?

I have gone over the top with praise this morning and think this is how I will have to carry on before I see any improvement. If she is really unhappy about something maybe I can love her out of it until we find a better solution.

She responded quite well this morning and also said sorry for last night which is important as normally she doesnt show much remorse or even much memory of these "episodes"!

wow - what a time you are having! My dd is 4.6 and is full time at school. Her mood swings are up & down and l put it down to school, weather and the constance coughs & colds that are going around. l have read through the thread and in it you mention she visits her dad, her aunt has come to stay, she is worried about the world. She has a lot on her mind. As adults we are able (well for the most part) handle the day to day troubles of our home lifes and the news. We share our troubles with others or help others when we have experienced matters, but for young children they turn to us for all the answers. She sounds a very strong and intellient little girl. You said you felt intimidated to speak to her teacher, please don't be. You need to be your girls tower of strenght when dealing with a teacher or anyone who looks after your girl. Are you able to see your gp without her for this session, so you can explain everything, without her sitting there over hearing about her negative side. l do hope everything settles down for you.

Thankyou everyone for the thoughts. I want somebody who knows what they are doing with children to talk to her and find out if there is in fact "something" or if its just a combination of lots of things that are to be expected.

Im not sure whether to take her to the doctors or not - he may need to look at her to check the accidents arent anything physical?

Was she toilet trained before? If so I suspect the accidents are just a way of her gaining your attention or testing you. As ourdarling says she does have a lot on her mind, especially for a 5 year old. Going to gp about the accidents may reinforce the fact that she is failing in something or doing something wrong which may make her feel unloveable.

I wonder if being overly concerned with everyone else (Tsunami victims, your sister) is a sympton of her not feeling she is important, or testing to see if you agree that other things are important, and in her mind that makes her feel unimportant.

I know you said reward charts didn;t work before but is it worth trying them again, TOTALLY ignoring bad behaviuor, going completely overboard with rewarding good behaviour - even every 5 minutes if she has been reasonably Ok for that long.

It might be worht moving your sister into another room so your dd can have her room back - might make reassure her that she is as important as your sister.

I think you also need to get your ex on board - are you on speaking terms? How does she feel about going there once a week? Coudl these visits be restructured - maybe one weekend a fortnight, or day a week going out somewhere rather than to his place and staying over?

I notice she also went on about 'your lovely house'. cna you reinforce that it is her house too? Do you spend alot of time trying to make the house nice? Does she in some way feel the house is ore important than she is.

I'm probably way off , but sympathies though.

Hi I thought I would join in.

I have a 8yr boy who gets into very scarey rages . He says he only ever has scary dreams and seems to worry about lots that he shouldn't. He even crys over his grans dog that died when he was about 1.5yrs and he didn't know that well.

Some reasons may be changing schools last year, little sister starting school and getting lots of attention plus other things.

Things are a lot better now, I try to spend special time with just him even if its watching a programme when little sisiter is getting ready for bed. I asked him to take me out on a date! every month just a meal in what he sees as a posh place, but he thought it was very grand. (Pizza hut next month).

We have also talked about when he gets into rages (when he is calm). We talked about how he feels and what he needs. He basicly gets scared that he can't control it. We now have a special word that we can both say which means "lets stop this and cuddle".

I know your girl is younger but she might like a special time with mummy. Starting school can be a big challenge in a big class its easy to feel helpless and lost. The toilet thing is best treated matter of fact with no fear of mummy getting mad.

The more you seem in control the easier it will be for her to control herself. Its difficult I know I have had heavy wooden stools thrown accross the room and stuff chucked down the stairs. I had to move the stool from besidethe door he kept marching out because it always got it. I shudder when I think back to the terrible moments we have had. I realise now I was just backing him into a corner and making him feel worse.

It will get better, try to bring more fun into your day, simple things like the feeding ducks or drawing together. Keep things light and cheerful even when she starts to go. I know that once I started giving rows it was a slippery slope to a violent tantrum. Be firm , be fair and if all else fails sing at the top your voice. I find "I beleive in a thing called love" by The Darkness helps.

I had to laugh today, he started losing it when he had to go back to the start of the computer game he was playing. It lasted 3 sec then he looked up sheepisly saying "Sorry about that" . I rewarded him by helping him get back in the game and lots of praise .

Good luck and just keep singing.

Resurrecitng this thread again as yet again megan is having angry outbursts that make me sad because when she is having them I just dont like her

There said it!

Would just like to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

My ds1 had terrible frightening rages from about 2 until around 6/7. I used to feel very lonely ( didnt know anyone in our area) Handled it very badly - smacking him, pretending to ring police etc.

Probably made things worse.He really had no control over himself and some days he tantrumed nearly all day.

He's now 9 and really is kind and sweetnatured. He still has a problem with his temper, he gets very frustrated over very little, but usually goes to his room when he feels mad.

I never thought things would turn out so well, we have a really good relationship now and he knows he can talk to me about anything.

When I think back now I think that my techniques at disciplining him were all wrong and I sometimes feel guilty that I handled things the way I did.

totally into ALL things pink and purple, dressing up in skirts. kiddie makeup and jewellyry....................also into hot wheels cars, digging in the garden, catching bugs and trying to be the boss of the house. Sometimes i think she is going on 15 by her attitude and sometimes I think she is turning into a sparrow because she seems to eat hardly anything!!
She used to tell me she didn'ty love me anymore but I used to say " well I love you lots " EVERY time she said it and she soon got bored of that.

PR, how did you get on at the doctors?
My threads are concering my just 5 yr old girl who is totally out of control and violent Etc...
She has suspected probs like ADHD.
Thread, Child out of control, called into school.
Anyway, if you have any questions, cat me or i will look at this thread.
Hope all is ok at the mo for you.
Butty.xx

I'm probably just repeating wht's already be said to you pecka, but this very morning I was speaking to a friend in the playground whose daughter (aged 5) has turned into a teenager and she admitted that she just doesn't like her when she behaves like that.

Everything is boring, she has attitude like you wouldn't believe, she ignores her mam when she's talking to her, she sulks, she whinges constantly, and so on and on and on. As she was telling me this about 3 other mother joined in and said that their daughters were behaving the same way!

And they think that this is just the start of it!. Ask family to see what you were like at that age. You may find that Megan is just a normal little girl.