Tips for encouraging 21 month old to speak more

[AnxiousLurker]

Hiya,

Long time lurker, very anxious FTM (so the username sums me up really!).

I'm mummy to my 21 month old DD who has a handful of words but doesn't seem to speak consistently. She'll babble away in her own rhyming language and have the odd recognisable word but seems behind her peers for her age. I should caveat that by saying that the 'peers' I am comparing with are internet/influencer children and not ones I actually know because I don't know many in reality. My friends don't have children, my family isn't that big so there aren't cousins etc and we go to mixed age playgroups so it's hard to tell who is what age.

I've spoken to HV and local hospital trust speech therapist, neither overly concerned because DD's comprehension is very good. She can understand the most complicated of instructions (listens most of the time!) and responds to her name. Makes eye contact, loves pretend play, doesn't show any unusual or non-typical behaviours for her age. So she doesn't present any red flags apart from being a little behind in her expressive language.

So that's that side of things. But I wanted to reach out and see if anybody has/had a fellow late talker and any practical tips or advice to share with me on how they encouraged their little one to talk more? She doesn't respond to questioning, and she rarely mimics, so we have dropped those approaches and are wondering what to try next.

Bonus advice would be how I can stop my anxiety over this ruining my experience of motherhood. And I fear my DD probably picks up on my anxiety which may not be helping, I do accept that. And I am acutely aware that I need to stop comparing her, even if it's just in my head, to others - especially those I only see on social media. But sometimes I get stuck in such a downward spiral with it all that I can't seem to stop.

TIA

Nothing you've described sounds unusual to me. My son didn't have many words at 24 months. He was assessed at that age by the health visitor and she wasn't concerned as his comprehension was very good. His speaking ability improved at a phenomenal rate in the months after her visit. By 2.5 years it felt like he could say pretty much anything he wanted and had more than caught up with his peers at nursery. If your child's language skills are still concerning you in a few months time then reach out to your HV for support.

All children have their own unique strengths. They will all encounter things they find difficult. My friend's daughter was saying words at 10 months that my son didn't say at 2 years. But she didn't walk until 18 months. They are both 5 now and are equals in their talking and walking ability 😂. Step away from social media, enjoy your daughter for the unique individual that she is.

In terms of helping language development - I was told to make sure child can see your face as much as possible when your're talking, turn off background noise like TV or radio so they can hear clearly, enjoy books together, describe what you're doing/what they're doing. (My child used baby sign so he was able to communicate his needs well despite not yet having the words - once his speaking improved he stopped signing).

@pitterypattery00 Thank you for responding to my post and sharing your experience too. Might sound awful but I've actually never thought about framing it as thinking about what my daughter is good at - like her climbing, her balance, her understanding etc - and have been so focused on what she is behind in and getting stuck on that.

I did take a raising little talkers seminar and that had some good stuff about going back to the basic foundations of speaking, which are the gestures, and DD has started nodding more consistently in the last few days to answer my questions (do you want a nap etc).

I struggle to describe everything I'm doing, I never know what to say all the time. Like if we go for a walk, I run out of things to talk about. Maybe that's part of the issue, and then the mum guilt kicks in because I worry that her delay is my fault.

By definition, some children will be above average, some below. Above and below is not the same as good/bad, and below average does not necessarily mean delayed. (The range of 'normal' for most of the developmental milestones is wide.) They change so fast at this age. And it sounds like you are being really proactive. It's great your daughter is good at climbing and balancing - my son sadly appears to have inherited my complete lack of sporting ability 😂

I’m in the same boat. My almost 3yo sounds exactly like your daughter. He understands everything but has minimal speech, with only the occasional comprehensible word. The health visitor, nursery and speech therapist have no major concerns apart from his speech is delayed for his age. That said, they’ve also had other children his age who weren’t talking much at this stage either so it’s not super unusual it seems.

We’ve had two in person speech therapy appointments, and while they’ve put it down to a simple speech delay, I find their suggestions frustrating because we’re already doing everything they recommend (get on his level, repeat short words etc). My firstborn was the complete opposite (an early talker) which only added to my anxiety but also clearly shows how different every child is even if raised in same home with same parents etc.

As parents, I think we’re hardwired to worry, but I try to remind myself that every adult I know can talk, so surely mine will too. I tell myself to just enjoy him as he is now because while it feels slow in the moment, time flies. It’s tough to be patient but reading posts like this reminds me that we’re not alone

@Wallasey123 Oh yes, as parents we need something to worry about! I am trying to practice the same, and slow down and just enjoy this stage and my DD as she is because I won't ever have this time with her again!

@pitterypattery00 I need to remember that and carry it with me - that above/below doesn't mean good/bad and, by definition, some children will be above and some below. Thank you for reminding me of this. My DD recently mastered the soft play slide and she did it like five times in a row until another child came and I swear I was ready to intervene as I really thought she was going to shove her down!

DD is currently down with a rotten bug, so she's feeling sorry for herself. That said, in the days since my post, she has started nodding and shaking her head as communication more consistently and has been babbling a lot more today, mostly comprehensibly! Hoping we are turning a corner as it has been really lovely hearing her put two words together and say lots of different ones.

Update: DD is now 22 months and has about 80 words. She isn’t really stringing together much, and she still prefers her gestures over words. I’m worried I’m pressuring her too much, and I’m constantly comparing to other toddlers I see out and about even though I have no idea how old they are. I’m starting to wonder if this is more of a me problem than anything. 🫠

If you think it could be your anxiety that is out of hand, please do speak to your HV or a female GP.

Are you able to give yourself a little SM detox too? Even in real life people often lie about what their DC are doing, I imagine this is magnified hugely on SM.

I think that doing the 22 month Ages & Stages might be helpful to you. It might be especially good at showing you what she is achieving.

When you score the assessment, bear in mind that it is designed so that most DC will score grey in at least 2 areas. It doesn’t mean that they are failing, no child or indeed adult will be brilliant at everything.

If she does score grey in more than two areas or she scores place in any then you’ll need to discuss the results with your HV but talk to us first so that we can help you with what to say.

My bet us though that once you’ve filled it in you’ll see that she’s fine

It sounds like she's growing her language nicely

My daughter had 3 words at 9-10 months but still only had 3 words at 20 months as she couldn't retain old words when she learnt a new word so she dropped words. We had some exercises from the HV to help her keep language lots of repeating her words engaging language. She could communicate very effectively with looks and pointing. At 24 months she had about 10 words but by 26 months she was using 2-4 word sentences and communicated with words rather than pointing. By 3 she was on par with my friends 3 yo who was miles ahead of her at 20 months.
She started school in September at 4 and a few weeks and has thrived and doing really with with her reading and spelling. At 20 months we were prepared to defer her entry.

She has learnt pretty much every skill by not doing it much and then doing it like a pro overnight so I think part of it is just her a she doesn't want to do anything unless she has figured it all out in her mind.

Thank you for pointing me to the ASQ. That was reassuring to read the sort of things I should be looking at, and to be honest, I haven't really thought about any of those other sections as I've been so tunnel vision. Looks like she's been working on those! Except for the stairs, she's on the 2nd height percentile and she can't reach the stair rail and it annoys me so much. 😂She scored on the white in each section, so I think I can afford to wait for her two-year review to discuss the speech concerns since it hasn't yet been 12 weeks since I last spoke to a therapist and we have seen progress.

I have booked in a call with my GP in the mean time, and stuck myself back on the CBT wait list although I will consider private too.

I think I do need a SM detox. I'm seeing a lot of screen time is bad sort of posts and it's in danger of becoming my next thing, so I really do think I need to. Actually, I'm going to delete my Instagram app right now for a while.

@Superscientist Thank you for sharing your daughter's journey! I'm so glad to read she's thriving in reception (apologies if it's not reception / you're not in the UK!).

I think my daughter is a lot like that too, she started to crawl for a day or so and then nothing about a week later. She pulled up to stand and starting cruising within about two weeks of that, and then took her first steps at 15 months. She then didn't walk again for about three weeks and she just stood up and that was that. Never did the whole shaky steps Bambi thing. My husband and I often wonder if we'll just go in to get her up one day and she'll start speaking full sentences.

It's really reassuring to read posts like yours so thank you again.

Well you can’t worry about her not managing the stairs if she’s tiny. I am a shorty myself and I know her struggles!

Well done for recognising that you might need some additional support too

@BunnyRuddington I did have PND and I do starkly remember the counsellor telling me that if I wasn’t careful I could end up projecting onto my child and my fears could take over enjoying motherhood. We worked together on my tells and triggers and, doing some thinking, I think I tick a few of my own boxes so I knew it was time.

She is so tiny bless her. I’m 5 3 and DH is 5 4 so she’s not going to be blessed with height. 😂

5’3”? Some of us can only dream of those lofty heights!

My daughter is only 2nd percentile for height too and she met some of her motor skills with her dress size and her HV was fine with this. It makes sense that climbing the stairs was easier once her legs were bigger!

Ack I just realised I said it annoys ME that she can’t reach the rail. I meant it annoys HER!! She points at it and shakes her head. 😂

Mines now 4 and still perpetually frustrated about not being able to reach things. There's still some handrails she can't reach. It's got easier with her language skills developing!

@Superscientist there are still things in my house I can't reach and I'm 31 tomorrow!

23.2 months now with about 100 words that have been said sporadically and in context more than once but only 20 or so using every day so I’m worried I’ve been counting wrong. Not too many two-word phrases which I know is the red flag but she has used some so holding on to that. And no other behaviours I’d be concerned about, in the context of deeper background to her speech delay.

HV review booked for next month. Bit worried, not going to lie. Keep scrolling online for positive stories of late talkers.

We counted any words used over the course of a week as there were some words she didn't get exposure to on a day to day basis - for example we don't have a dog so she wouldn't see a dog daily nor say dog daily but that didn't mean she didn't know the word.
My daughter didn't get 2-3 word sentences until 26 months and in fact her first ever sentence was 6 words! She was quite cross with us for playing her the "wrong" version of her favourite nursery rhyme....we hadn't realised the UK and US versions had different words.
Good luck with the HV hopefully they can give some advice and reassurance

What you could do

• label many activities you do together, for example on a walk, you can point and name everything your toddler might see
• pause - this is crucial - toddlers need time to process what they are saying and how to say it

That is a really good point. I've been so hung up on 'consistency' that I've failed to think about whether there is a consistent need for the word. So, we don't play with bubbles every day but I know she knows pop and bubble for a fact. Thank you!

I'm quite convinced my daughter's first real sentence is going to be something I've done wrong. Probably been humming It's A Small World too much or something, might be along the lines of 'please be quiet Mummy!'

We are now 25 months and, although progress has been made, I’m still so concerned. DD doesn’t put words together and she isn’t chatting away. She’s just started nursery and I can see she is streets behind the other children. Her nursery have said she is behind but she communicates so well via her crying, gestures, body and facial language. DD has also started saying a lot more single words and repeating them too.

I feel like such a failure, like I’ve broken her somehow and I don’t know how to make it better.

You are not a failure, I have an older non verbal child and the amount of people I ve come across with 2-3 year olds that don't ask for advice or get interventions for their children because they just believe they ll speak one day without them doing anything.

You asked for advice before they were two years old when most people would have done nothing and you got them in a nursery, you re putting the effort in that it's not failing, it's the opposite really.

So you ve got the HV involved, and I know from my area they would allow an NHS SLT referral at this point with that many words, but so their nursery use wellcom or some similar screening, worth asking if they do as those do specific advice and more broken down steps to compare them against what's developmentally normal for their age.

*wouldn't allow , sorry

OP, I posted before but just to reassure you again - at my son's 2 year check (which was at almost 25 months) he used only single words apart from a couple of two word phrases like 'that way'. And he refused to talk to the HV at all so she never heard him utter a word! I think you said previously your daughter has 80 words? My son had nowhere near that. HV wasn't concerned as she said she could tell his comprehension was high. Said she would check in with me in 6 months to see if I wanted referral. By 30 months he had more than caught up with his peers.

But even if your daughter takes longer than that to learn it's not something to overly worry about. Kids will need support for all kinds of things over the years. My son is way behind most children with his writing. Will that worry you if your daughter is the same? Will you worry if she finds numbers/phonics/friendships difficult? It's important to try to separate your anxiety from your child's development and stop (probably subconsciously) setting targets for her to meet in your mind then catastrophisong when she fails them. Do you have a fear that's driving your worry?