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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Hysterical crying in car seat by 9 mth old. Any no-cry solutions to this??

39 replies

Again · 03/04/2008 18:19

We pretty much practice attachment parenting, in an unconscious way. I never leave him to cry unless it's just a bit of light whinging. I also feed him or walk him back to sleep several times a night. I also carry him in a sling a lot.

He is a very active boy. Started crawling at 7.5 months and pulling himself up a week later.

Most of the time he is very happy. It's the comment made most about him. But he absolutely hates being contained in his car seat. The first 15 minutes are fine, but then it just decends into hysteria. The other day he cried for half an hour like this and then fell asleep. Yesterday it was just crying without sleep and I eventually put him in a wrap in the back seat and he fell straight asleep nuzzled into my neck and stroking my skin.

I know it is wrong to take him out of the car seat, but it just doesn't seem right to let him get so upset.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Egg · 03/04/2008 18:23

It is illegal and, more importantly, unsafe to drive with him not in his car seat... I would rather have my babies cry than be unsafe. He is prob crying because he is unused to being left alone, some babies hate buggies / car seats. Do sympathise though, it is horrid driving with a screaming baby.

blueshoes · 03/04/2008 18:47

You have to leave him in the car seat.

You can try to avoid long car trips.

We reduce it by making sure we travel in the car only during naptimes. So even if ds cries, he falls asleep quickly. And avoid congested roads, because ds has the inconvenient habit of waking the car stops or slows down. But we only really use the car on weekends.

I think Dr Sears has some method of bf-ing a baby in the carseat. I think it involves your leaning over him in the carseat. Sounds a bit tricky though.

My dd was the same. She eventually grew out of it. Before that, she would tolerate it some times but not others. Now she reminds me to put on the seat belt!

Meandmyjoe · 03/04/2008 19:03

My ds is the same. Hes nearly 8 months oild and still fusses, arches his back and cries in his car seat and pushchair. Needless to say I use a sling a lot if we are walking. In the car I tend to try and arrange journeys when I know he will be tired so he will hopefully just go to sleep.

Other than that I'm afraid it's the only time he does get left to cry for any length of time. I find the more I talk to him or try and distract him, the more frustrated and upset he gets. It's awful. I am hoing he will grow out of it but we'll see!

Have you tried giving him special toys that he only has in the car or maybe a snack to concentrate on and distract him. It doesn't work for my ds but it mught work for yours!

It's awful sitting in such a confined space with a hysterical baby so I sympathise!

DeeMid · 03/04/2008 19:04

Try giving him a piece of your clothing so he can smell you and a cuddly toy. I also found that classical fm/CDs helped to sooth one child that I cared for who had alot of body contact with mum.

You do need to perserve with keeping him in the car seat for safety/legal reasons and it is far harder to get an active toddler in a 5 point harness.

morningpaper · 03/04/2008 19:05

Mine is the same and now she is 2.5 there is no difference.

We honestly haven't been to many places since she's been born. We avoid car journeys and haven't visited friends and family very much! It sounds pathetic telling them that we can't travel far but she is terrible.

Sympathies!

Original poster

Again · 03/04/2008 19:05

Leaning over in car seat seems tricky and also involves me not having a belt on, but would be interested in reading about it. Do you know what book it's in of Sears?

The car journeys the last few days were 3 hour ones which are a nightmare

OP posts:

Meandmyjoe · 03/04/2008 19:14

Oooo three hours is a long time to be stuck with a miserable baby. Must admit though, I'm sure most babies would be bored and get uncomfy after 3 hours.

We try and keep car journeys to a minimum unless we know he is due a nap.

Oh Morning Paper I really hope she grows out of it soon, it must be hell! I really daren't think about ds still being like this in 2 years!

uptomyeyes · 03/04/2008 19:14

DS3 was like this and whilst its fine to say avoid car journeys other than at nap time, sometimes this just can't be done. In my case I had 2 other children that had to be ferried to school etc. Prior to moving house that could only be done by car.

I know how truly awful it is to try to drive with a baby not just crying in the back, but looking as if he is going to choke he is so hysterical. I ended up moving DS3 into a forward facing car seat a few months earlier than he should have on the basis that it he was more likely to be injured by me crashing the car whilst he choked in the back, than if if he sat in forward facing seat and I was driving in a more relaxed state of mind. A freind of mine had a second child who was just the same. Both hated lying on their back - oreferred the front, both were hysterical inthe car seat - both possibly a little colicky.

Tricky to lean over into the back of the car to breast feed whilst keeping an eye on the road!

Don't know if this helps you out.

LIZS · 03/04/2008 19:19

Lots of babies react like this to their newfound freedom being forcibly curtailed and it coincides with separation anxiety. Unfortunately this won't be the last time you have to do something for his own safety that compromises your ideals and is met by his tears and protests. If you take him out not only is it illegal and unsafe in the extreme but also sets an uneasy precedent -you may think he's too little to realise now but at what point are you going to suddenly decide enough is enough ? It probably won't get any easier so keep journeys short for now, have a distraction toy soley for the car(tie to straps with ribbon or clip so he can't lose it !), maybe a familiar blankie and a mirror. Put on music or radio then gradually extend the journey time so he learns to become more tolerant and knows you come back when car stops .

fondant4000 · 03/04/2008 19:19

My dds were both like this. But dd2 - who is otherwise a v. content little thing was the worst.

For the first 6 months I did everything I could to avoid going in the car - internet shopping, travelling by bus and train.

If we had to go in the car I'd make sure dh was with us and sit between them in the back seat and bf.

I found the main problem/cause was light hitting her eyes. If it happened once she'd go hysterical and never calm down. Attaching a sunshade to the car seat helped. When she worked out how to turn her head away it got better too.

kiera · 03/04/2008 19:25

my ds2 suddenly took a dislike to his car seat too (also hysterical crying), but I experimented with putting him in the front passenger seat as he is now in a front-facing car seat (he was previously in the back) and he was fine! he's a bit older than yours (18 months) but it could just be something as simple as that.

blueshoes · 03/04/2008 19:27

Again, it is in The Fussy Baby Book, which I presume you don't own because you say your ds is mostly a happy baby.

There is a whole page on "Handling Car Seat Protests". I can email a scanned copy to you tomorrow if you want if you give me your email address.

"Nurse your baby without removing him from the carseat. This way the driver does not have to stop, and baby won't be disturbed. Sit next to your infant and keep your seat belt buckled while you lean in toward the car seat. You may end up with a few stiff muscles but the peace and quiet will be well worth it.".

I think he must mean the waist-type seat belt.

Meandmyjoe · 03/04/2008 19:29

I tried a forward facing seat- no difference

blueshoes · 03/04/2008 19:31

yes, kiera, you reminded me. Some babies are happier in the front facing car seat. More to see.

Morningpaper, I think my dd had the carseat wobblies until she was about 3. But it was on and off, could never really tell whether she was going to kick off or not. She went for long periods being ok and then suddenly she would refuse to get into her carseat.

She is reliably ok now. And tries to distract ds when he is having his carseat paddies.

blueshoes · 03/04/2008 19:33

sorry, to hear that, meandmyjoe, did not work for my dd or ds either.

But hey, you got to try everything! It's hard.

Meandmyjoe · 03/04/2008 19:38

Oh crap, 2 and half more years of this???!!! Ahhh well, it could be worse! It is hard but we seem to cope as dh mainly has the car at work so me and ds are big walkers or stay at homers!

blueshoes · 03/04/2008 19:52

meandmyjoe, you are still in the trenches. Hang in there. It may not take 2.5 years for you. We also like our buggies and walking around, if I wasn't under house arrest with ds

uptomyeyes · 03/04/2008 20:24

Nurse you baby whilst still in the car seat - the world has gone mad! Is that not a recipe for a slipped disc?

Original poster

Again · 03/04/2008 21:50

Sorry to say this, but I can't say what a relief it is to hear others in the same position!!

I actually did buy the Fussy Baby Book, because it was on sale, but haven't read it yet! Thanks blueshoes.

He was fine up until about 6 months, so think that the separation anxiety theory is posibly right.

I do think that I should leave him in regardless, because he needs to know that he will always be in a car seat when travelling, otherwise it's just confusing. It was extremely difficult yesterday though. I do know it was the wrong thing to do.

We moved to Ireland recently so that we could be within driving distance to family, but this is way worse than flying!!

I don't actually drive so I often sit in the back with him. Don't know if this is better or worse, but we were really hoping that moving to a forward facer would help.

OP posts:

aviatrix · 03/04/2008 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WendyWeber · 03/04/2008 22:00

My DB & SIL mind their granddaughter 2 or 3 days a week; she is about 18 months now and they still don't even contemplate going anywhere above a couple of miles in the car with her, because she hates it and screams until they stop.

(They live a couple of hours away from us and once considered bringing her over for the day but it's still out of the question )

blueshoes · 03/04/2008 22:04

helps if you have long breasts, of course

aviatrix · 03/04/2008 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

blueshoes · 03/04/2008 22:22

uptomyeyes · 03/04/2008 22:22

Long breasts - you could wrap them around your neck after that....or tuck them in your knickers.

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