How best to deal with 2-year-old conflicts

[bluemoon]

Dd's 2.2 and has been a really lovely little girl in every way except for eating virtually nothing! For the last month we've been seeing our first really 'challenging' behaviour and I haven't a clue if I'm dealing with it properly or making thngs constantly worse. Almost every question I ask her now is either ignored or answered with a 'no.' So I've tried to reduce the questions and just state things, i.e. 'it's time to get dressed now' but I end up running round after her like a loony trying to get clothes on and it ends in a tussle with her crying and me holding back my temper. With things that don't really matter I'm turning a blind eye / ignoring etc. But with the things that do, i.e. sitting down somewhere (anywhere!) to eat a meal I've made, taking clothes off for a bath, nappy changes I have to have the final word. So, do you just do it with them kicking and screaming? Do you cajole / persuade etc.? I've found the last few days very frazzling, although I know I don't have it as bad as I probably will in a few months!

Actually have been finding the following quite effective lately;

"Don't forget mummy is a good friend of Father Christmas and he'll ask me whether you have been good or not before you get any presents"

Hmmm ... I think I'm still finding it hard to know the difference between 'good' and 'bad' behaviour. I'm sure I'll find out though as dd gets more stroppy!

I know it sounds a bit ridiculous but I think you need to decide which battles you have to win IYKWIM and which you're prepared to lose e.g. if her sitting down at the table for the whole meal is very important to you, then it's right that you're firm every time (with possible use of the naughty step or whatever) until she gets the message. If it's not essential that she gets dressed in a very small time frame, that might be one to let her win.

I'm finding things much more difficult with my third child as we're under so much more time pressure and she has so many more things that she has to do each day (like getting and out of her carseat and pushchair 10 million times a day which she hates) than the others did at the same age. I'm not in a position to give her many choices - she has to get dressed and in the car otherwise her siblings will be late for school/nursery - and I like her behaviour is worse as a result.

A complete waffle, sorry! Best of luck.

sorry, I think her behaviour...

You're right, flashing Rudolph! (whatta name ...)

Dd is our only child and I only work 2 days a week and when I do she stays home with dp who works freelance. So we don't have a tight time schedule at all really at the moment unless we have to be somewhere like a playgroup or GP appointment etc. In terms of sitting for meals I would like eventually for her to do that but personally I think 2 is quite young, I read somewhere recently that it's reasonable to expect that closer to 3 and that at 2 they just need to learn to eat rather than all the subtler aspects of it.

I started the thread initially to see if people generally opted for playful methods or stricter ones. So far it seems generally stricter ones are thought to work. I might give the 'naughty step' a go next time she's kicking up a fuss, see if it works. Although I've still got to come up with a 'step' alternative, being in a flat. Naughty corner I think it's going to have to be.

The other concern I have is about the word 'naughty.' I'm loathe to 'label' too much at this stage and I also don't want to 'humiliate' her as I think little children are very sensitive to being made to feel stupid. But I might be way too soft and turn out a right little handfull through my inability to get the right balance of control.

Hmmm ... I'll be working on it all!

It's incredible just how far young children can push you though. Obviously everyone is going to have different thresholds and different things that are important to them (one of mine is sitting at the table - could you tell? ), but the key is to be consistent, whatever your rules (can't think of a better word but YKWIM) may be.

The other thing I try very hard to do is to label the behaviour rather than the child - I'm sure your dd is naughty sometimes (and if not, can I have her please!) but there's a great deal of difference between saying "you're a naughty girl" and "what you did was very naughty".

And no-one's allowed to say stupid in our house!

Oh yes, dd is definitely 'naughty' at times, usually spilling things looking at me defiantly and throwing things when I tell her not to. But the getting dressed is usually about me 'interrupting' her when she's involved in something else. And the sitting for meals is a weird one as we don't have that many meals together as dp works long strange hours. I usually insist she sits in her chair and has it and I try to join her with a drink and / or snack. But she's a very small eater and I'm avoiding conflicts with it too so it's a fine line round here meal times.