Reception child kicking teachers and upturning furniture...

[ruthietoothie]

I'm feeling really worried. My youngest child started reception this year and we knew he might struggle with his behaviour. He had a few incidents at pre school where he kicked staff and threw things at them - mainly if he was told not to do something he really wanted to.

We have this at home too and manage it as best we can. He can be very violent with his and his older siblings. And when he's cross he will do anything he can to hurt us. He has no limits.

Today at school he had a massive meltdown. Hitting teachers. Throwing furniture around. It took the school an hour to calm him down.

I don't really know what to do to best support him. Thinking maybe it's a sign of un underlying condition or problem. Has anyone had anything similar? Or have any advice?

Feel quite alone with it all.

Hi - sorry to resurrect an old thread but @ruthietoothie how are things now? I could have written your post down to a tee :( My son has just started reception and has already been sent home for violence towards his peers and the teachers. He had similar issues in his nursery sadly. We are on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment. It's so, so hard having issues like this when it feels like every other mum is enjoying the excitement of the first week at school.

Has your little one settles, a year later?

Hi @MatchesinEyes23 I'm so sorry to hear your little one is struggling. It brings back many difficult memories and sending you lots of strength as you navigate it.

Let me know if you'd like to have a chat about what you're going through and I can perhaps offer some advice. A key thing to check is if school are being supportive or punitive and if they're sending him home using proper channels (I e. Phoning you and asking you to get him counts as an informal exclusion and is illegal).

I have been told that what my son experienced in school in terms of a v punitive response to his violence is now trauma he has to process so I'd encourage you to get as much sen support and advocacy around you as you can.

A year on my little boy is more settled but he still has periods of very intense dysregulation and has just had his ASD diagnosis. It's so much to navigate. Sending strength your way.

In continuously saying they can offer no extra support/lack of funding they're essentially wanting you to move him schools at this point. A common tactic used by schools to off roll children 😒

They absolutely have a duty of care to your child and need to offer more.

Apologies- Just realised I was posting on a old thread.

I hope things have worked out for you and your son.

Good to hear your son is more settled now- can't believe we're a year on! What a horrible time that was.
My son also has his ASD (and ADHD) diagnosis now. He's far more settled, happy, and has recently been issued an EHCP. We are so relieved. There may be bumps in the road, but we've come so far since last year. Can't believe the school were so dismissive at first.

Shocking considering his recent diagnosis that school felt qualified to decide that his meltdowns were a choice and bad behaviour that needed punishing.
School should not have considered themselves qualified to decide what was going on for him, as they are definitely not. I'm glad things are better for him now but I'm sorry he had to go through that.

Thanks so much @Beth216 It makes me sad thinking about the battle we had to fight last year to get school to stop taking this punitive approach and I still know that he is too often seen as a problem to deal with and not a young child to care for and support. Grrrr

@Worriedmotheroftwo reading back through this thread I'm reminded by all the really valuable support you gave me last year. Thank you! Glad to know things better for you too and interested to hear you have got an ehcp. The assessors we saw advised us to go for one but I know school would claim they are currently meeting need. But tempted to try anyway as my son can be very dysregulated still and has no sense of danger when he is. And I think that needs proper support.

Thanks for the update @ruthietoothie. I'm really pleased to hear that your son is more settled and has had the diagnosis and support he needs. It's very early days for my son (only second day!) but my elder daughter also struggled in some areas and the school were great, so I'm really hoping we have a similar experience. The main difference now though is the violence, I know they have zero tolerance for this kind of thing (understandably). I speak to my son about it and he just can't seem to understand how serious it is. He definitely believes he is the "naughty boy", something he has carried over from nursery. I'm hoping together we can eradicate this belief and bring out how amazing he actually can be.
I know it's going to be a long and rocky road but thank you, it's really encouraging to hear things are better for you now.