Stairs - when do you let them go up/down on their own?

[northstar]

I am trying but find it very difficult to let ds go up and down the stairs by himself. He is 2yrs 7mths. He can, and wants to but I have to go with him because he just doesnt pay attention - but is that because he knows I am there to catch him (or because he's a male? I just wondered am I being over-protective or is he too young?

sabine, everytime they approach stairs (even just one or two steps, eg going out to garden or whatever) say "backwards!" and move them into a backwards position. and clap when they go down the step backwards. after a few days you should just be able to say "backwards" when they approach a step and they will turn themselves around. then you get that amusing period of a couple of weeks where they go backwards when they think about going down the stairs, which may still be a good 6 ft away, so they do this huge backwards crawling run-up to it !!

that is for a baby, obviously, you can be a bit more explanatory with an 18mth+

mine do go up and down themselves but it has always turned my stomach tbh!

Reading all this makes me feel awful My son is three (only just) and i've only in the past three months been actively "teaching him" to use the stairs on his own. I can blame it a little on where we have lived , by the time he was 14 months i was living in a flat and now in a bungalow so stairs at home has never really been an issue. And at other peoples houses i always taught him "don't do the stairs by yourself" that way i could trust him to go out into the hallways etc without fear of hearing him tumbling down the stairs 2 minutes later! I must be SOOOO over protective, I had no idea. From now on i think i'll just have to close my eyes and let him get on with it, it's not really like he can't.

The other day we were at a friends house who has a little boy about 10months older than my ds. When they wanted to go up and play in his room i looked at him, swallowed hard, and said "yeah that's ok just go". He looked at me like i was crazy, and said "on my own?". I think i may have scarred him for life! (for the record i'm not like that with everything, honest ).

I'm with you on this one PocketTasha - GS may be same age as you DS before I'm happy with him and stairs - especially since my neice (slightly older than GS fell from top to bottom of their stairs two weekends ago and spend two nights in hospital as a result.

DS was going up on his own before he was one, and down, reverse-superman style (feet first, on his tummy, with hands and feet off the ground) soon after. By about 13/14 months we took the stairgates down as he could climb over them! He never really did the crawling down backwards thing indoors, but did if we were out and there were stone steps to negotiate. Our stairs have a midway landing though, so it isn't a long slide from top to landing, or landing to bottom - I might have been a bit more cautious about it if we had a single long flight of stairs. He was happily walking down by 18 months.

dd goes up by herself but not down. We have 2 flights of stairs and she is always shooting off up them. dh panics if the stair gate isn't on and she goes running down the landing . She's now in the habit of looking at him and saying "the gate is off Daddy - I will run quickly"

We didn't bother with stairgates for our two. Both were taught to come down but were left to figure out going up by themselves! That way once they worked out going up they already knew how to come down. DD now 15 months and has been doing it by herself for a couple of months. Made it fun, put her on about 4th step up facing the steps and do "wiggle, wiggle bump" on each stair. Now she just lies face down and flat and zooms down!

It's the backwards wobble when they get to the top of the stairs and you are still at the bottom that gets me. Every time he does it I'm there thinking " see, stairs ARE dangerous, I should NEVER have let him go alone"

Think I'll just not look. If there's ever a thread on -help my ds has just fallen on the stairs- it will be from me

I think children vary enormously in their abilities. You know best how co-ordinated your child is. I couldn't teach ds to go down backwards (I didn't know at hte time he finds copying very hard).

To be honest (am I a bad mother?!) I can't remember ever standing watching either of my children going up/down the stairs. Had gates for ds till he was about 2. dd just didn't bother as I lent them to a friend and it took months for her to return them by which time dd was going up and down OK aged about 15 months but she has always been extremely well co-ordinated.

I was surprised when a friend came round a few weeks ago with her boy aged 3.10 and he was having difficulties getting down our stairs.

ds fell down a couple of times but didn't hurt himself and dd only once when ds pushed her by accident. She just kind of rolled into a ball.

We had a stair gate for ds1 but we moved when he was 18mths and it didn't go back up, DS2 was late to crawling (about 15mths) and only walked at 18mths so we never had stair gates for him. He was taught by MN's very own Carrie & Justine for tv! He now free falls backwards, you know that speed thing on their tummmies. I have to say, that the driving force behind it for me, was that although my house would be safe, not every house I visited could or would be ds2 proof.

Ds is 2 next week and we still have a gate at the top and bottom of the stairs.

He can climb them himself but doesn't pay any attention to what he is doing and has fallen once already (they aren't carpeted either).

Ds was 18mths before we had any stairs for him to climb though so i don't mind him being a bit behind there.

Plus once i take the gates down i won't get any peace.

I really must be an overprotective mum by sounds of things here! My son is 2yrs 7months too and I follow behind him up the stairs, which are nearly always closed off with one of those rollerblind style gates. And I go down in front of him and make him bump down the steps on his bottom. I was the same with other 2 boys 'til they were about 3. But our stairs are really steep with narrow treads and am scared other 2 will knock him flying. I have stairgate across his bedroom too so he doesn't climb into eldest's highsleeper or pick up any tiny toys they haven't put away in their room. On the other hand, I let my 8.5yr old go to school on his own, once I've seen him across the busiest rd. When do you let go???

I think its only of limited use comparing ages for this - toddlers vary massively as to how competent they are going up and down stairs, and how liable to fall, and that's obviously the key factor. Ds1 could go up and down stairs (crawling) at 9 months, and has always been very very competent physically - I've never known him even come close to falling on the stairs. I can't remember when I stopped going with him but it was a long time ago! (he's just 3 now). ds2 is much less physical - can't even climb up them yet and he's one tomorrow - so I imagine he might need help for longer. So I don't think its a sign of 'over-protectiveness' - some toddlers do steps earlier than others, that's all!

Agree totally with elliot. It is totally up to you and your kids how stairs are coped with. And have the long view - by the time they are teenagers, all of them WILL be able to do the stairs.

We have five flights of stairs in our flat and I worked out that we would need about a million stairgates and that the dog would always be trapped on the wrong side, so we didn't get any. Both kids were going up and down before they could walk - around 9 months for up (which is relatively easy, just like crawling) and about 10-11 months for down. I must admit that the going down bit you (parent) have to hold your nerve a bit.I spent a couple of days with each child teaching them how to do it (feet first and on their tummies is the safest way for down IMO) and neither has ever had an accident. In fact they are both very careful on the stairs - don't know though if that is in their genes or learned cautiousness .

My son could come up and down the stairs quite safely very early on but I have no idea when I will let him do it solo as we have no bannisters and the stairs are in the living room so I can't close any doors. Hes 18 months so I can't really trust him to not get excited and rush. Two years ago a friends husband broke both feet slipping on their stairs and then last month a colleagues partner tripped at home and he has been in intensive care ever since. So given my experience I may take ours down when he reaches 40!

Hi deegward - saw your ds2 on the telly! What a star!