Help - 19mth old refusing to eat!!!

[Nickinha]

Please can someone advise me, my dd refuses to eat any food! She just wants dry corn flakes and chocolates or biscuits. I have now removed all sweets from her and try the "she will eat if she is hungry", but over the weekend Saturday & Sunday, all she ate was breakfast cereal!!! I cant leave her without food like that and yesterday I tried pinning her down and forcing her to eat but that was too traumatising for both of us so I left it. What do I do????

Any chance she is ill to begin with?

anyone???

Hi lonelymum, I thought maybe teeth, but she will gobble down anything sweet - just being fussy

My ds is 21 months and has started to be pickier about what he will eat. It is the time when they may become picky eaters. If that is the case, you mustn't give in to her fads unless you want this to continue for years! Thinking of my ds, if he sees biscuits, crisps, etc, he won't eat anything else. Perhaps your way forward is to make sure the bad foods aren't around at all so she has no choice about it. The only time my ds eats grapes is when he is sitting in the shopping trolley and that is the only thing he knows I will give him to eat.

I have put my foot down and removed all sweet things so there is no temptation for her, but is it normal for her to then just not eat anything? How long do I let it go before giving in to her?

She won't die of hunger if that is what you are worried about! Hope that doesn't come across as harsh. The truth is, I know how worrying it can be (I am on my fourth). Is there anything at all that she will eat that you are happy for her to have?

LOL Was a bit worried of starvation, but - I have my MIL telling me if i love my dd i wont let her go without food! I dont mind if she lives off corn flakes - just dont know how healthy it is, she also loves sausages... I was thinking about giving her bubble & squeak with lots of grated veggies inside... she might enjoy that

I would continue to offer meals at meal times and nothing in between. LM is right. It is imposssible for a young child to deliberately starve. Do not make a scene (hard I know). Just offer the food and if she doesn't eat it, get down from the table. If she eats any of it, lavish praise.

Will she eat pasta and tomato sauce type meal? You can 'hide' loads of veg in that!

It seems so hard to do... I worry she will get hunger pains or malnutrition etc...

She likes pasta, but not with any sauce - just boiled. Aaahhh I am living a nightmare!!! I also work 9 - 10 hours a day I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS! Am really cracking up.

A child of this age will not deliberately starve themselves, surely its more about them learning independence. Sounds like she's pushing her boundaries a little. Food is such an emotive issue, isnt it? And she's found some big buttons to press.
My advise would be to offer the usual b'fast fodder at b'fast but stick to the usual lunch and supper foods at appropriate times. Minimise juice/milk in between meals so she can't fill up on them. Absolutely NO snacks either, no matter how bad the screaming gets. And try all of your best distraction tactics for when it gets bad.
Try to eat with your daughter, set a good example. Start with v small portions so she's not overfaced, and maybe promise a sweet pudding if she does well with her main meal. But stipulate what you expect of her, so she knows for sure. ie my 2 know that if they are "too full" for their main savoury food they can't possibly have space for pudding. There just is no room for argument on this one and I stick to it no matter where we are.
Also remember that food volume intake does start to drop around this age too, so you may find that very little gets eaten for a couple of days and then she makes up for it again over the next few.
I've also done the "if you're not hungry, then leave the table while I eat my food," and removed their plate. ds2 gets back up to the table and starts eating quicker than the speed of light! If he doesnt then he knows there is no more food til the next meal or the next day if its suppertime. Sounds a bit harsh and dictatorial, I know but I think its worth it. Neither is a fussy eater and will tackle just about everything. And now when food is refused I know its because ds1 at 4yrs old genuinely doesnt like it or really isnt hungry. ds2 at 2.7mo is still trying it on a little but is quickly learning that mummy is inflexible on this issue.
Good luck!

Agree with everything honeybunny says, but just one warning: not too sure about letting them get down from the table too quickly. Children of a really young age aren't old enough to know exactly what they are doing, ie, the temptation to go and play might prove too strong for a child and they don't always fully realise that if they get down now, there won't be any more food till the next meal. So i prefer to say to mine, if you don't want any more, just sit there while I finish/for two minutes. That way, they learn some table manners at the same time.

Thanks for that HB, I am also very strict with her, if she does not want food she leaves the table, no pudding if she does not eat her food etc. She does not seem bothered. She is in day-care and they say she eats very well lunch times. It just seems to be me (or my food) that she refuses to eat with.

Nickinha - I also mean to say that your dd will not suffer malnutrition if you stick to your guns She might, if you give in to her and let her feed only on biscuits! The worst that can happen with hunger pains is that she will wake up in the middle of the night hungry. That will be a pain for you, but no bad thing for her: she will really wolf down a healthy breakfast in the morning!

My dh says i let her get away with too much so she has no respect for me... ( I do give in to her all the time) it just breaks my heart to see her cry or think she could be sad about something.

If day-care thinks she eats well, that suggests 2 things to me: either you have too great an expectation of how much she should be eating or (more likely) she is playing up for you becuase you are the best target. It goes back to what HB was saying about her pressing buttons for a reaction - she knows you will give her one.

Thanks LM, maybe a bit of hunger pains will do her good? I have stopped all biscuits etc. When she does eat a good meal though, she gets one mini-oreo, lots of hugs and plenty of love.

Yes, it is very hard to hear them cry, but you must remember you know best and your dd does not.

I am starting to realise now that she is really just playing me up! Why though? she just ends up hungry with mommy in a state. Why would she want either of those?

You are very wise LM

Sounds like she's really testing you. I know that sounds ridiculous for one so young, but they seem to have a knack for knowing what "buttons" to press. ds1 was an expert at this over his food, he hardly ever ate and was always dropping centiles on his weight chart everytime I got stressed enough to check, which not surprisingly always made things worse! ds2 coming along 18mo later helped take my mind off the lack of food intake which allowed me to take charge again, and stopped me going completely mental! Thank god. Once new baby was here I couldnt spend so much time and attention over food and meals, usually bf ds2 during every mealtime, so ds1 "got over" it and found other buttons to press!! Do feel for you tho', it was really miserable at the time.

Not really! You should have heard me sometimes over the last few years! I just know that screaming, shouting and giving in to them doesn't result in anything good. I am still enraged when mine don't eat though.
Don't look for a reason why your dd is doing this beyond that she is testing boundaries and seeing what buttons make mummy react. There is no other logical reason you can relate to or understand because she, unlike you, hasn't developed much logic yet. Just tyr to stay calm and stick to what you know is right.

So I should just have a never-minded attitude to her eating flimsy's and see if that works? It is a very stressful time, but I suppose its only my fault - she is far from thin! so she is obviously getting plenty at the day-care. Tonight it starts - if she does not want the food fine - but she is not going to get biscuits to nibble on! I am actually looking forward to trying out this new attitude on her

I'm following this thread with interest - coming from a slightly different angle. DD will eat, but is starting to create merry hell if she's put in her high chair. If harness put on she screams blue murder. If not on, can climb out of the Tripp Trapp. So what do I do? Last night, for example, I made us all a meal. She wanted out within about a minute (2 mouthfuls) and I'd only just picked up my knife and fork. No chance of her sitting while I finished My stupid (probably) hang up is that if she doesn't get full, she wont sleep (a throwback to the old sleepless nights, of which there were many).I'm feeling really tense and worn down. And it seems to be just me that she does this with, too.