help! how to deal with bil's unruly 2 yr old

[hazlinh]

b-i-l, wife and nearly 2-yr old kid staying with me, dh and my 9mth old for the week. am ready to tear my hair out cos she runs around loose in my house, opens all the drawers in the kitchens and once took out a knife!!which i have now hidden away! (have told her not to open the drawers very calmly, but she insists on doing stuff i've specifically told her not to), unfolds all my bedlinens and towels and drags them across the house, takes earth from all the flower pots and scatters them all over my carpets deliberately, takes my daughter's toys and dumps them in the kitchen sink, crushes biscuits and deliberately scatters the crumbs all over,the list goes on and on. her parents just seem to think it's ok, and my bloody dh just laughs. but i'm appalled. perhaps it is normal behaviour for her in their house, but surely you teach kids not to misbehave when you are in someone else's house??the parents seem to think it's cute. can someone please tell me if i'm being unreasonable to expect a two year old to behave in my house?? my brother's kids never did anything like this when they were two years old. is it wrong to expect a certain level of discipline among kids????someone pls help!!!i may do something i regret!!

is it ok for me to tell her off nicely?is it wrong if i scold her in my own house?? am worried the in-laws may label me abusive!!

i know chandra, it's really odd how the parents just allow the little monster to get away with things. altho i can understand being reluctant to say anything as the kid is not your own (i myself was guilty of it in the beginning) although i quickly turned into a monster myself after the strangling incident. i think i shocked everyone. one moment little miss smiley-through-her-teeth, then the next a howling raging monster! dh said i was "too harsh" on the little terror. whatever.

but what i can't understand is how some parents allow their children to grow up without knowing what's right and what's wrong. i mean, my brother's kids at that age definitely knew to behave properly in someone's house, even mine or my mother's. they would never open up cupboards and toss around cutlery willy-nilly, and they knew to ask first before playing with any strange toys or toys which they knew were not theirs!! maybe my brother is a disciplinarian and the trend now is to allow kids to roam free and express themselves freely but i draw the line at some things. honestly the little terror's mother's maximum would be to just say in a sing-song voice "no......little terror.....no.....". obviously of no effect whatsoever.

I posted a thread about unruly children some time ago and people suggested ways to deal with the problem that I found very useful, as saying things like "no darling, we don't do such things at this house", etc. The truth is that children, however small can see who is talking business and who is not, you don't need to be rough, just a little firmness in your voice does wonders to make the kids behave, help or enjoy the day without scaring them.

P.S. I would be scraming blue murder to any child (and her parents) who attempted to strangulate a little baby, more so if the baby is my son.

jusk skimmed this thread. I agree it's the parents not the toddler who's needs a good talking to. IME toddlers adore new house interiors to explore, exspecially a non toddler-proofed one. They just have so little idea of boundaries at 2 yeaers old and need people to keep a check on them, but preferably put things out of reach.

I have to admit I just didn't visit many strangers' homes with my sons when they were 2 years old. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to stay with friends for a week. These sorts of vists are more ok IME when you have a less mobile baby, but once they reach the toddler stage, the visits become a minefield of problems and very stressful for everyone.

At a guess, the parents of this toddler could just realising how difficult these week long visits can be, as they watch their nearly 2 year old transform from baby to toddler. Could her inquisitive excitement have taken them a by surprise a bit, hence their confused reactions and lack of control? Not that this is your problem at all. I'd not think too badly of the parents though, just avoid arranging any week long house stays in the near future if possible.

hi tigermoth. fair comments.

altho i must say that the parents weren' taken by surprise at her inquisitiveness at all. they were just too used to it, and i daresay even encourage it.

apparently the little terror is famous in the family as the naughtiest and has even shocked her grandmother once by mouthing the toilet brush in the little terror's own home.

sorry to say this, but please stop referring to the child as a little terror. people call my dd2 that (sher isnt badly behaved just very lively) and it gets me down. I disapline her the same as her older sister, who is a very well behaved child, and always has been. The only time dd2 is on her best behaviour is when we are outside. she seems to love being taken shopping, for walks etc etc, but as soon as we get into a house she is a whirlwind.