Worried my 2 year old toddler is behind

[kxxxxxxx]

Hi lovely ones. This is my first time posting on mumsnet so here goes..

I’m full of constant worry and anxiety at the minute and just need to rant and ask for some advice.

I’m a first time mum to a gorgeous little 2 year old girl. The most stubborn but fun loving little girl who I absolutely love for her strong willed personality (already at 2). She’s a happy little girl although since starting nursery she’s been forever poorly and had so many ear infections that it’s made her a completely different little girl.

We had her 2 year check and I expressed my concerns for a lack of speech and the fact she doesn’t pretend play. Also the fact she’s become an awful sleeper and doesn’t eat at nursery (but these 2 things ha aren’t my main worries).

I try my my best to help her with speech daily, reading lots to her, sing nursery rhymes etc but she doesn’t show any signs of speech and I’m getting so worried because other mums with babies her age (& younger) are all speaking so much and seem to play with one another too.

My little girl is happy outdoors, getting dirty and being inquisitive. Pretend play just doesn’t happen and neither does playing with crafts.

Nursery have said she’s much an outdoorsy person (in other worlds she doesn’t sit down for more than 2 mins)!

Should I be worried should I just trust she’ll do things on her own time?

Thank you so much, I really appreciate anyone who reads this post and takes the time out to reply.

Xxxx

What was the feedback from the two year check? I am not a child development expert but I would not worry too much about the two "milestones" you've indicated. I know two kids possibly three who didn't speak until after 2.5 and now for the two of them, you can't stop them or get a word edgewise. Utter chatterboxes. I have also seen a kid who wasn't into pretend play until at least 2.5 years. How does your girl currently communicate? Any single words or pseudo words?
Continue what your doing and keep (a less anxious) watch

Our lb was a non speaker till just after 3. No concerns about his understanding so I wasn't too worried...

He's six now and chatters away with a very wide vocab.

Your LG sounds great, try not to worry

My sister has hearing loss from multiple childhood ear infections, are you sure that her hearing is ok? That would significantly affect speech development.

No advice to offer, but good luck. Just wanted to point out this is in the Food section. I'll ask Mumsnet to move it somewhere where more people will see it.

I would also get the hearing checked. Eldest ds had multiple ear infections and had hearing loss until he had grommets at 4. It took ages for us to work it out and a lot of going back to gp. It’s worth ruling it out.

Yes to getting her hearing checked. And also how is her understanding? If you ask her to go and fetch XXX, point to the flower or the caterpillar etc in a book? Does she point?

Not all children pretend play at this age, and also pretend play doesn't always look like as think it does. There may well be elements of pretending in her 'being inquisitive' outdoors.

Tbh just from the bare facts in your post I wouldn't see anything particularly concerning - which is why it is worth you asking yourself the questions I've asked.

Oh, and crafts massively overrated at this age (and in general tbh).

My cousins child had hearing problems for a year and had to have various operations and was very behind in all his milestones it makes a huge difference. He's just starting secondary school now and has completely caught up.

I'm in a similar situation. My DS has just turned too and I can see that others younger than him have much more words than him and are starting to put words together.

Does your DD have some speech or no speech? At my DS 2 year check I said he probably had 20 words and not all clear. He was put on the waiting list for speech and language therapy. Since then though, in the last few weeks he is using more sounds and trying to say more words, so it keeps coming along from here.

Another vote for getting her hearing checked, you can self refer in most areas or your HV will be able to refer.

I agree that low hearing might be impacting on her speech but I think you are right to have sone concerns. Our DD had speech delay and is only being assessed for ASD in her teens. I wish I hadn't listed to my HV and had pushed for assessment earlier.

I'd do the progress checker from Talking Point. That should tell you if she needs speech therapy (SLT). If she does need SLT again, you can self refer it the HV can do this for you.

I'd also do the MChat test to see what her risk of having ASD is.

If you ask @MNHQ, they'll move this over to the Parenting Section for you as you've posted in the Food Section.

Good luck and let us know how you get on

Thank you so much for this reply and for the reassurance!! My little nephew was 3 too and doesn’t stop now so I’m trying to not worry. I just hate all the mums who are like ‘oh is she not talking yet, my baby speaks over 100 words’! I want to cry everytime but then I just have to think she’s happy in her world and I need to chill! 🙈 Thank you again xxxxxx

Thank you so much for this reply and for the reassurance!! My little nephew was 3 too and doesn’t stop now so I’m trying to not worry. I just hate all the mums who are like ‘oh is she not talking yet, my baby speaks over 100 words’! I want to cry everytime but then I just have to think she’s happy in her world and I need to chill

I don’t get why some people are like that. I had a boss who knew that I was worried about DD’s speech, he used to come over to me and start bragging about how his slightly younger DS was talking really well, never asked me anything about us or talked about any other subject. I used to want to pick up my pen and stab him with it. He got fired though thankfully

Oh gosh I can't stand the bragging / competitive mums who think it's ok to put your child down. My little boy is two and not speaking yet, it's very stressful but I've taken him to the doctors and hearing tests etc and they all say he'll get there in his own time.

Same!! It’s so insensitive isn’t it and I wouldn’t dream of bragging about it if I knew another baby wasn’t talking. And like you say they’ll get there in their own time, when they’re ready. It’s so worrying though because you’re desperate for it to just happen aren’t you. I’m trying not to worry but easier said then done!!! Always here if you want to chat in the meantime 🥰 xxxxx

There's one lady who keeps saying how sad it is that her little boy is speaking 'sooooo much' because it means he's not a baby anymore. And there's me finding it hard to have 'sympathy' when my boy doesn't say mummy yet. The humble bragging is even worse.

Fully agree with the recommendation to get hearing checked.

How is her non verbal communication? Will your DD point to things to show them to you, not just to ask for something (when she sees something interesting, e.g. a cat in the garden, a plane in the sky)? Does she look out for praise? Does she bring you things that interest her (e.g. an unusual leaf, a flower)? If the answer is yes, I would not worry too much about the speech. If the answer is no, I would talk to HV or GP.

If you are really worried you can self refer for speech assessment, or at least you can where we are so I hope it's the same for you.

If she understands everything you're saying and she's communicating with gestures and pointing and some sounds or start of words I wouldn't be too worried but I know that's very easy to say. Ours didn't really say anything until just two and then it was like someone had flipped a switch - started talking

My son, now 2.6, sounds exactly like yours - outdoorsy, would spend all his time outside running around or going for long walks with us, not a lot of interest in pretend play (though this has come on a very little bit in the last month or so), loves books, nursery rhymes and songs, etc. But very little speech and not a lot of interest in playing with other kids - especially when there's a chance to run!

My son now has a referral for Early Help by his nursery - if nothing else to get some support on his speech, though I am waiting on referrals for other checks (hearing, and yes indeed a paediatricians appointment to check for developmental issues including ASD). I have no idea how this will pan out and I would caution that in no way should you consider this as any sort of 'warning' for what's in your future. One thing I've found, in agonising over my son's speech delay for months, lurking on mumsnet for other mums' stories, is that there is no point trying to find the answer online. Every child is different, as everyone always says, and one minute you can find a person's account that absolutely reassures you, and then you can find one that sends you into a spiral of worry that can impair your ability to interact and enjoy time with your child because you start analysing them rather than loving them and parenting them.

My only advice would be - if you have any worries or even just questions - get them checked out and get some meaningful information and advice. And don't look for 'permission' to do this. By this I mean, don't wait for someone else's approval or agreement that things are 'bad enough' (a horrible phrase, but you see what I mean). I have been stewing over this for six months now, losing sleep - even losing weight! - and what have I achieved? Nothing! Even if I am worrying about 'nothing', I wish I'd acted earlier instead of sitting here worrying. The worst that could have happened if I'd had him checked out months ago is that I'd have looked like a stereotypical, over-anxious first time mum. If he DID (or does) have additional needs, he'd be well on his way to getting support instead of sitting on various waiting lists (or going private). I was initially fobbed off by nursery, the HV, and of course family and friends, but six months on, with little progress, I am finally getting some agreement. Even if this turns out to be 'nothing' and that language switch finally flips on in the coming weeks or months, I'm agonising less and putting that previously wasted energy into finding support options for my son and getting better at making play with him more focused on developing his speech and, just as important, more fun and engaging for him.

I'd say if you have any worries, don't wait for permission. Just get the issues checked out so you can move on and move forward!

I am in exactly the same boat as you, everything you just said is the same as my 27month little
Girl!

Hello lovely, oh gosh that makes me feel better actually. Still no progress for little miss on the speech front and we’re going to her speech and therapy assessment next week. I’m so nervous and making myself sick with worry. I keep thinking the worst and I have to stop googling because I’m making myself mad and over analysing her. It’s horrible. How are you doing? They will get their in own time they really will. How is your little girl doing otherwise? We should definitely keep in contact so we have each other for support xxx

*there xxxx

Sorry for late reply! We had our review call with health visitor yesterday (she calls every 3 months) she said she still didn’t want to refer her just yet for speech therapy! We went to the park in the week and when I said right we going home she said no!!!! Clear as anything! But nothing since apart from babble lol! I was finding myself googling everyday, and have tried my best to stop! We just need to enjoy them there only
Little once, and they are who they are at the end of the day! I no we want the best for them but long as they are happy that really is the main thing!

She understands a lot of what we say to her and she has always been brilliant eater and sleeper.
She goes to nursery and they haven’t ever said anything to me about concerns so I take that as a good sign! X

Sorry to Jump in on your conversation.. But it a similar boat with my little girl! Xx

No problem at all! What are your concerns? X

She's just turned 2 on tuesday.. Nothing really worries me but her speech.. She understands most things i say, if shes in a bad a mood she isn't even trying to understand 😂 she a social little thing holds eye contact, uses her imagination most of the time when shes playing.. She was a late pointer but she's goodish with it now.. Its just her speech.. She babbles all the time!.. She says a couple words not always in context. But I'm worried out my mind and stops me from enjoying her sometimes.. I work with people with autism so I'm always over analysing her!